[sremed]

I'm 52 years old and have had ADHD as long as I can remember. The APA didn't list it as a disorder until 1980, (I was already 20 years old by then). It wasn't in DSM-II, which came out in 1968. It first appeared as ADD in DSM-III, (1987), and the term ADHD was introduced around 1990.

So I've always known I didn't quite see things the way most people do, and vice versa: the people I've been in contact with throughout my life have also known I didn't see things the way they do. That caused a lot of frustration on both ends - but no one really knew why.

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until 2001, (I was 41 years old). In 2001 I still had kids in school, and what I knew about ADHD was what I heard through the grapevine in normal daily converstaions. That "All of a sudden" ADHD appeared on the scene, schools were diagnosing kids with it left and right, and thousands of kids were being medicated into zombies to control "normal" behavioral problems. So I was one of the millions of skeptics back then when ADHD came on the scene, even when I was diagnosed.

It wasn't until the past two years that I actually started educating myself on what it's all about, and it's been a bitter/sweet awakening. On the one hand it has been extremely encouraging to finally understand why, for all those years, I didn't see things the way others did. But it's kind of like failing a test and then finding out years later the teacher used the wrong answer sheet to grade it. That's a weak analogy, I know. But that's kind of how it feels. It's nice to finally know why you failed the test, but just knowing it does not change the years and years worth of consequences you've endured as a result of failing that test. You can't unring the bell.

It's estimated that only 4% of the adult population has ADHD, to one degree or another. To those of us who have it, and for those closest to us, it is an extremely important concern and a huge part of our daily life. To the other 96% of society, it's as irrelevant as knowing the chemical composition of moon rocks.

Psychiatrists treat all kinds of people with all kinds of issues. They obviously have to have a better understanding of ADHD than the average Joe, but again, it's an issue of numbers. They, like all of us, only have so many hours in their day. How much time are most of them going to seriously devote to thinking about, reading about, and keeping up on the most recent advances in the area of this one, small, disorder? I spend a good majority of my time trying to learn about it. I want to find a fix. I want to see things the way "normal" people see things before I die. I want to start a project and finish it, read more than a page at a time, and not feel so frustrated, angry or hopeless when everyone around me is laughing. I would love to have a converstaion with someone and not string together 6 different fragmented thoughs into one incoherent sentence and have them laugh and say, "WOW - ADHD kickin' in is it?" Or start a sentence and then have to stop and say, "Never mind, I forgot what I was trying to say." I would like to sit down at the computer to look up an address, and not catch myself four hours later with 15 webpages open, reading about the eating habits of the black rhinoceros.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi sremed. Enjoyed your thoughts on how you felt/are feeling. We're pretty well the same age I see. [51 in Aug.] I have a few things going on with me. With ADD [without the hyperactivity] suspected by my latest Doc, about 3 years ago. I'm not being medicated yet so I can't say how my life may change. i just hope it does...at least somewhat for the better.

Anyway I would like to ask you some more about what things you find messed up in your life as a result of dealing with ADD/ADHD. I should ask first I suppose if you're currently being treated with any med and what that might be. I'd like to compare or note parallels since we're in the same age bracket and weren't diagnosed til later in life.

Like how was your behavior and performance in school? If not too personal how it may have affected some social situations etc.

I laughed at your line about the rhinos eating habits. i was telling someone today how many windows I can have open and the diverse topics viewed in about an hour. Funny in a way. I find it very difficult to read in linear fashion. I tend to read articles...they're short informative and I can finish them. I do NOT read fiction. I CANNOT read fiction...I have a few over the years of course but it's hard work. Frequently I catch myself reading the same paragraph over and over 4/5 times....and still not seeing it. My mind is doing other things while my eyes go from left to right. I'm following the words but they don't register. I sigh start over and 2 sentences later same thing. It's weird and an extreme pissoff. I had a very difficult time studying when I was a youngster and even now. It's made me pretty self-conscious and I think added much to my psychological state over the years. The depression and anxiety due to feelings of guilt and a lack of self esteem have taken quite a toll.

I have to stop here for now but if you find you would like to converse a bit about your experiences and how they may be similar or different than my own that would be great. Any observations at all would be appreciated if you have the time. I too am really looking forward to an answer...and hopefully using meds as a starting point for a new attack on the junk that's likely compromised my life.

Take care

[sremed]

Originally Posted by quizzickle

Hi sremed. Enjoyed your thoughts on how you felt/are feeling...

Hi, nice to meet you. I was just watching a video online. A word was used that I'd heard before but never knew the exact definition. So I paused the video and opened a new browser window to google it. When the window opened I noticed I had some unread emails, so I clicked to see what they were. While I was in my inbox I happened to notice the "Thanks for subscribing" email from psychcentral I received the other day. "Oh yeah!" I thought to myself. So I came here and was looking over the posts when I noticed your reply. AND HERE I AM!!! Hahahaha.

I was the "problem child" growing up. I have 2 brothers and a sister who did everything the way they were supposed to. I was the one always in trouble, never listening, never "paying attention." My mother had saved all our report cards and sent mine to me a few years ago. I got mostly C's and D's - 1st grade to 10th grade - with some F's and a few B's. I got 1 A in art. I dropped out of school in the 10th grade when I was 15, and officially quit school when I was 16. I got my GED when I was 18: 6 months before the rest of my class graduated.

I later enrolled in college, (when I was 28), and did well at that. I think because each sememster was only 3 months it was easier to stay focused. I was also taking classes because I wanted to, not because I had to, so that helped.

I've had my IQ tested twice in my life; once in my late teens or early 20's, and again in my late 40's. It was 128 both times, so the C's and D's were due to a lack of production, not a lack of ability.

I read all the time and always have 4 or 5 books bookmarked that I'm involved in at any given time - yet I can count the number of books I've actually read cover to cover in my entire life on one hand. Not only can I count them, but I can vividly remember where I was the moment I finished each of those books, all the way back to when I was fifteen and finished Jaws, (1975).
(The realization that I can remember every book I've ever finished, the moment I finished them, and that there really isn't that many just occured to me the other day).
I too prefer non-fiction: primarily philosophy, history, biographical, religion and theology.

I was always musical, where my 3 sibblings are not. My parents put me in piano lessons when I was 5, and I switched to guitar when I was 6. I've been playing the guitar ever since and, aside from breathing and eating, it's the ONLY thing I've ever stuck with for more than a month or two.

I've always been outgoing and popular and always had a lot of friends around, but looking back it seemed to be a revolving door of "friends." Most of the friends or people I hung out with only lasted 6 months to a year.

Now I'm 52. I've been enrolled at 4 different colleges over the years, honor roll, dean's list . . . but never received a degree from any of them. I literally can't count (or remember) how many jobs I've had in my life. I started working when I was 16, (1976). I've actually had jobs that only lasted a few minutes before I walked out.

I never put much stock in ADHD. No one even knew what it was until 1987, and the majority consensus at that time seemed to be that it was just a way for schools to medicate kids into zombies to control "normal" childhood behavior. That's pretty much what I believed too, even after I was diagnosed in 2001.

It wasn't until the past few years that I've actually started looking into it. And like I said, it's been a bitter/sweet awakening. I went to a psychiatrist in 2010 to get help. The visits consisted of me going in, he'd ask if the medicine was working, I'd say "No", he'd write a new prescription for a different medication and say, "See you in a month." That's not an exaggeration - those were the visits. I never went back after the fourth visit.

I saw a psychiatrist a week ago. I was excited about going to him. With everything I've been reading about new research, new breakthroughs, new advances, new ideas, new treatments . . . I couldn't wait. I asked him about some of the things I'd been reading about. He never heard of them. "Aderall is really the only medication that works" he told me. "If Aderall doesn't work, there's not much else we can do." I said, "What about that Concerta OROS I've heard about?" He never heard of it. He took a book off his shelf and said, "I recently read this, it's the latest and greatest information available on the subject." The book was Understanding and Treating Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder, by Brian B. Doyle. I opened it up to the copyright and said, "2006?" He didn't respond. He wrote me a prescription for Aderall. I told him I've tried Aderall and it didn't work, but he said "We need to try it again."

I took it for two days, and it was probably the worst brainfog I've ever experienced. Like everything was right there on the tip of my brain, but not quite close enough to grab onto. Just a hazy fog is the only way I can describe it, accompanied by major frustration and irratibility. I kept snapping at my wife for everything, knowing that it wasn't her, it was me - but I kept snapping anyway. So I stopped taking that, and today, when I'm done typing this, I'm going to look for another doctor.

Many similarities sremed. Your latest encounter with the psy-guys is amazing to hear but maybe not too surprising. Not all of them are are equal for whatever reasons. Unfortunate...but I can understand that in a way. These guys are pretty busy on many fronts in their work. Unless he's a private chap these guys don't have the time to bone up on all the info on the latest stuff. The problem is, their egos sometimes won't let them admit that. It's a human trait but potentially misleading in this business and we are the ones who bear the brunt. How are we to argue against what they say without becoming a 'difficult' patient? Geezuz Murphy...he hadn't heard of Concerta OROS? it ain't THAT new and would have been in journals for years during the testing phases etc. maybe more docs coast than i think. Good luck with your search.

I haven't tried meds for this long term yet. 3 yrs ago i started a sustained release Concerta but high blood pressure caused the mix to produce severe migraines and i had to stop. The HBP is corrected now and has been for a year and a half but I just got lazy [or something] and didn't pursue it again until lately. I went thru a depressed stage. That's what it was really.

Anyway my old psy-gal is moving practice and i've been turned over to a new guy. i have to wait until the middle of July to see him about the Concerta again. I'm very anxious to try it and hope there are no side effects this time. if it doesn't work I'm ready to try other meds in it's class. I really need to have this addressed...the years have melted away and I've missed out on so much. My flighty mind has constrained me from what would have been, if addressed earlier, a much more enjoyable life.

I currently take an anti-dep and have taken it for 10 yrs now. Wellbutrin. It keeps my head above water i guess. As I got older and my life hadn't been progressing i began slipping into pretty bad depression. This ADD diagnosis is just recent though. [3yrs.] They heaped all kinds of reasons on me for the depression before the psy-gal raised the question about possible ADD. I didn't take the big test but a smaller one and it was decided the ADD aspects might well be a big part of my problems. Whatever guys! Let's fire up the meds! last week i phoned his office requesting I be in line if there's a cancellation. I'm ready!

Whew seems like a long note. I have difficulty writing in this here tiny window where I can't easily glance up to see if what i'm saying is flowing and linear. heh...I'll say goodnight sremed. Take 'er easy and let me know how things are going. Pardon the punctuation/sticky [i] key and jumbled runningtoofast thoughts. Some times are better than others. *grin*

[MotherMarcus]

Wow ! I didn't think I'd find so many kindred spirits on this thread. I to was DX'd late in life. I was 35 now 40. And just this past winter I was DX'd as Bipolar II. Looking back, the symptoms make sense. Especially the part about reading or finishing only things that held my interest. I would quit a lot of things or completely lose my **** when I found something too difficult or boring.

[misscath007]

I was diagnosed by my latest pdoc. I have fought recurrent depression and GAD for years but only now has anyone in any medical capacity ever entertained the idea of ADHD(without hyperactivity) A stimulant med was suggested but I no longer see this doc so I did not go on it, was not receptive to the idea. increase in anxiety and insomnia for one.

Right now I am not medicated for it except for the depression and wonder how many are in the same boat. I can no longer afford to see a private pdoc(insurance does not cover mental health) and will have to go back to my gp for my antidepressant.

Originally Posted by misscath007

I was diagnosed by my latest pdoc. I have fought recurrent depression and GAD for years but only now has anyone in any medical capacity ever entertained the idea of ADHD(without hyperactivity) A stimulant med was suggested but I no longer see this doc so I did not go on it, was not receptive to the idea. increase in anxiety and insomnia for one.

Right now I am not medicated for it except for the depression and wonder how many are in the same boat. I can no longer afford to see a private pdoc(insurance does not cover mental health) and will have to go back to my gp for my antidepressant.

I was diagnosed at the age of 43 with ADD, no H, and was prescribed Adderall. I was worried about the stimulant at first, but soon realized that my anxiety levels dropped and I slept Better! Who would have thought??? I went to the doctor for anxiety attacks and had sleeping issues for years. (Sleep Apnea and Insomnia)
Don't fear the stimulant meds, because they don't stay in your system that long and their effects really Slow the racing brain down.

Hang in there...

[Curlew]

Hi, everyone. Don't know if my post will get through as I've joined less than 48 hours ago. It is a joy and a relief to find this thread. My wife laughed when I read out the bit about the black rhinoceros. Years ago my kids would shout "oh no, take it away from him" if I picked up a dictionary, because they knew I would soon be chuckling, skipping excitedly on and on from one entry to another, regaling them with the discoveries I was making.

I mentioned in my introductory post (which hasn't appeared yet, I think) of memories from when I was about 8 years old. It is sad that what I can picture from 53 years ago at school is the dread and guilt from having lost a school library book, or forgotten my homework book, or lost fountain pen, expensive for my parents to replace. I still lose my keys, wallet etc constantly. It's just lucky that I don't yet need glasses or I'd be losing them too. Nowadays, I can't even finish washing the dishes. I do occasionally finish a book. Fiction is harder because of the pain that I see in it, no matter that the characters experiencing it are fictional! It horrifies me to see ADD traits in one of my own children - of frustration, impatience and losing things. I feel responsible - I am responsible.

I worked as a family physician in the UK 1970s to 1990s. I gave up for two reasons. One, my patients meant too much to me. I was incapable of keeping them at the little bit of distance that is essential, retaining a slight professional detachment that allows objective judgment, and avoid one becoming emotionally burnt out by taking on too much of their pain. My patients were like family or friends to me: they meant a lot to me and vice versa. My wife (second wife, who didn't know me back then) is worried about me becoming too upset by others' troubles on this site.

The other reason I had to stop working was a toxic mix including forgetfulness, poor time management and constantly losing things, associated with (maybe partly causing) a dangerous level of depression. I lead a very simple life now. Though I can be restless, my ADD comes with disturbed night time sleep and daytime lethargy. In a typical day I achieve astonishingly little.

My psychiatrist was very kind and supportive, but never thought of ADD. I knew my brain function was at least unusual if not outright abnormal, and I knew how, but I never formally labelled it. It was my wife who suggested i was autistic. I didn't accept that because of my high levels of empathy, but I knew there were traits that fitted. I see that I do sit somewhere in that territory, with some Asperger traits. Times change, medical knowledge and fashion shifts. Doctors can be lazy and complacent - pigheaded about refusing to recognise what is new, or doesn't fit in with their preconceptions.

On Saturday, I took an online questionnaire about ADD. It was a simple one that said if ten or more out of 27 statements applied to you, you probably had ADD. A solid 21 (at least) applied to me. Well, well. After all these years, almost a lifetime. Better late than never. I hope it may ease some of the despair and self loathing that I have felt all my life.

Great to come across this site, and to find histories like those in this thread. My thanks to all of you who contribute and who work to make the site available, R