My son, 22 has ADHD. As he was growing up, he used the outdoors - fishing, hiking to help the ADHD, and he still does.

He is a terrific person and keeps a full time job - it's a job that has him moving most of he time.

I just don't want anyone to think that I don't accept him as is - because I do.

I've very concerned because he doesn't manage money at all and I don't know if I should be "butting in" or leaving him alone. He not only spends all the money he has but goes in debt and "borrows" from me. He went thru a settlement check of $12,000 in about 6 months.

So what do you think I should do? He works so hard, it breaks my heart that he doesn't have any savings or even a good car. If I leave him alone (like I've been doing) will it eventually straighten out by it's self? I can only imagine the challenges that a person with ADHD faces.

I just feel scared for him. So if you have any advice on what action/inaction I should do, I would appreciate it.

He doens't want to go the medicine route nor therapy to help him learn coping skills.

Thanks.....

if this was my son and he was 22 I would not do anything because according to USA law at age 18 he became an adult capable of handling his own affairs including his mental and physical health and his having a job or not right down to how he wants to spend his money. I certainly would not want my parents telling me how to spend the money that they gave me or that I earned through work and so on. if this was my son all I can hope for was that he would spend it wisely and if not that is up to him but if he came to me to barrow money I am well within my rights to have him earn and or pay back that money by doing something to help out around the house or wahtever because my giving him the money means thats less that I can do or have for running the house, groceries, electric and so on. but once I hand over that money to him it is his to do what he wants with it.and there is nothing that I can do to force him to spend his money or the money that I give him on things that - I - would deem acceptable.

Bottom line your son is by law an adult not a child. therefore you can't do anything about the situation other than whether or not you continue to hand over the money and whether or not you place earning that money by chores and so on to help you on him at the time you give him the money.

[biplol]

Well, I think, he is an adult and obiusly he is really responsable, but money wise, if he keeps asking for money to you, I would say something.
It's like people that smokes and don't make it to the next pay check; I'm sorry but if you ask me for money I'm gonna say quit smoking; that is the way to make it thru the month.
It's a touchy issue though; I hope you can find the best moment and ways to talk to him about, even though he is an adult, he is still really young and might not look at the future so deeply like an older person.
Your are his mom, nobody in the world would know him and love him better than you.
Pm me anytime if you need to vent
~hug~

[LMo]

Adult or not, I know how hard it is to sit around watching someone you love dearly flounder and barely keep his head above water.

Maybe it's not the "right" answer from a logical perspective, but I would do everything in my power to help. But, it would be in the form of getting him to a specialist.

My husband, at age 32, is now seeing an ADHD coach, and she is extremely understanding about the common struggles that ADHD/ADD adults face. Although several years ago, my husband was extremely resistant to the idea of meds or therapy, he now has a much better perspective on how the coach can help him. He is a competitive athlete and it is common to hire coaches for THAT, and he sees the ADD coach much the same way -- to help him improve his performance with techniques and strategies.

I really hope that your son can learn to manage his cash flow, for both of your sakes. You sound like a terrific parent.