Focusing HURTS my brain

It seriously hurts to force myself to focus on one thing. I'm keeping my job, but I'll have so many files open and nothing happens fast enough, probably because I have too many files open lol.

And if someone interrupts me it's so disruptive and risks me losing track of the 20 things I'm working on. So I might turn off my phone, but then people feel I'm not communicating. I don't always have time to communicate the way they want, I'm overloaded trying to run a business.

I've been practicing focusing on only 1 thing - like actually seeing just one task through from start to finish and it's grueling and horribly boring and I hate it!!

Cleaning and organizing the house is the biggest thorn in my side - understand I am a single mom of 3 with no assistance from their dads, the older 2 have mental health issues too. But I look around at the messes & can't figure out where to start & that hurts my brain too. I might start a task, like ok I'm going to organize my home office files first, but then distracted by old photos & memories, then I notice things need windexing, then my bathroom counter needs organizing. before you know it, I've made a bigger mess that when I started!

The Adderall does help a lot, but I have bp & doc will only give me a very small amount for fear of going into mania. But I need to function, get my work done, clean my house, help kids with homework & endless appointments.

My self-esteem is really low because I feel so dysfunctional, and I sometimes give up and hide in my bed, feeling like no way out of this mess, why even try to organize. Thanks for letting me rant, it is so frustrating.