[mkb42]

Not much of a question here, but I just felt like i need to share something, get it off my chest.

I'm 20 years old. I don't have a car, I can't drive, I don't have a job, never had a job, I don't go to school. I dropped out of High School when I was 16. I do have my GED, got it last year. My mother kicked me out, and I currently live with my eldest sister in her home. I occasionally do house chores around the house, other than that I just watch TV or play on my computer all day. I currently don't have any real friends other than my older brother that lives with us. I've been bullied, picked-on, and ridiculed. I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never even been kissed.

Now I'm just listing how much of a loser I am, and whether we have disorders or whatever, it all effects our lives differently, but the saddest part to me is that I've been through so many years of therapy for anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts, all the doctors could conclude is that I have Schizophrenia. I know I'm not crazy or anything like that. I do daydream way too much, but I don't hallucinate. I know what reality is. I get mood swings, but it's not that I have lack of control over myself or my emotions, I just get bitter about life.
I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD/ADD but I look back at my life, and a lot of it makes sense to me now.

My mind is always wondering, daydreaming, thinking about random things. I have a hard time concentrating and focusing. I always feel fatigue and tired, and I sometimes will randomly get bursts of energy. I have a hard time sleeping often, and I often lose my sleeping schedule. I look back at when I was a kid, all the memories, the awkward moments, embarrassments, the laziness. I remember it always being so hard for me to get up every morning to go to school. I would miss so many school days, faking sick, so my mind could freely wonder in the comfort of my home. My grades have always been terrible because it was always so hard for me to concentrate on schoolwork. My social life has been very awkward. I can't keep friends because I simply lose interest in them. I very often become anti-social. People usually don't even appreciate my social skills. I generally have a hard time conversating with people because it's hard for me to connect and concentration with people and what they say. People have a hard time understanding me sometimes. I sometimes have uncontrollable laughter; my mind stays stuck on something that I find funny, whether it happened right then or I was just randomly thinking about it. It's so difficult for me to "grow up" as a person, compared to other people. I've always been reluctant to get things done.

As far as I remember, growing up, ADHD didn't exist. Never heard of it. The doctors where I grew up at, obviously didn't hear of it either. They were so quick to call me crazy, lazy, and dumb. Hell, they did the same thing to one of my sisters, who had uncontrollable seizures and suffered depression. They called her crazy. When she got older, she moved to a different, a better place, and the doctors there confirmed she had Hypoglycemia.
Our mother believed the doctors. She doesn't understand these disorders. I feel like too many people don't understand them. At least where I grew up at.

ADHD tickled in my head when my brother mentioned it last year, thinking he might of had it. I one day, wondering my thoughts, thought about it, and looked up the symptoms. A lot of it, if not all of it, I do or have done. I even took a couple of online ADHD test, apparently confirming I have it.

I just know I have ADHD/ADD, I just look back at my life and it has been a battle for me. I almost feel like I've lived a lifetime. Most of the bad things that has happened to me, the stupid choices I've made, the things I've thought, is because of my disorder. My personality, my disorder, and the circumstances I was born with ruined my life. I know I'm still young, and it could be too early to say my life is officially ruined, but it's been pretty stupid so far, and the choices I've made have effected me greatly.

I'm currently still bitter, no longer depressed, still have some anxiety, but I do try to be optimistic about life. My brother is pretty optimistic and he inspires me to be. I want to do and achieve many things. What I feel is mostly holding me back is ADHD. It's just so hard for me to get things done, and whats worse is that people around me just don't understand that. I don't have insurance or the money to get diagnosed and properly medicated for it. None of my family that has money wants to currently help me with it, because it's not that believable of a condition to them. Currently in a limbo situation, but I try to stay positive and see whats next for me in life.

Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

[DePressMe]

I did not get diagnosed with ADD until I was in my late 30s. Taking meds for it was like a lifesaver for me. My whole world changed for the better. If you do have ADD or ADHD I hope you can get help for it. Counseling and meds have truly helped me.

[pytrain1]

I just read what you shared and thank you forspeaking up and telling your story. I can relate in some many ways. I just turned 35 this month and feel like my world his always tumbling down on me. I remember as a child having intense emotion times and tons of tears that as I look back I know if I had the coping skills than that maybe life would have tuend out differently. I have seen every doctor to man LOl. But serious you know what I am talking about. Each doctor or pysch diagnosis. I have deprresion, anxiety, mood disorder, ADHD, learning disablity,bipolar . I think that is all of them.
I know I have worked on balancing my life. God knows betwwen doctor visit and working to keep my saniity because if I don't work I can't pay the doctors to treat me. Top things off I have carpel tunnel in both my hands and chronic back and neck pain. I am always under the weather and you can never tell which version of me you will see each day. I have heard that one some may times. People in my life are hard to stay consistant becuase like you I get bored or forget somethign and it always get blown out of proportion. I know one thing is that I am a good person with a big heart . A heart that is filled with some many emotions worries and love that it breaks my heart that I can not find peace with myself. I am so tired of worring or not knowing what will happen next that I stopped living. I am a home body. This is where I am most comfortable. I don't mind vistors but have issue being at other peoples homes . I have lost quite a bit of friends because they could not understand why I couldn't leave my suroundings. They would think I didn't care if I forgot something or if I needed to be alone. I don't want to be the pesitmastic person that I feel I am. But what chooses do we have when there are so many barriers in my way to just feel good. I guess if I would provide any enlightenment is say close with your family and use them as a support system. Hold on to you and so what if we are not normal. who know maybe we are what normal is and everyone else is different. I having a tengent of pucking up all my life diversities which I know is a drag to listen to. But just like you I really just need to get how I feel off my chest and breathe and make some sense of all this.

Originally Posted by mkb42

Not much of a question here, but I just felt like i need to share something, get it off my chest.

I'm 20 years old. I don't have a car, I can't drive, I don't have a job, never had a job, I don't go to school. I dropped out of High School when I was 16. I do have my GED, got it last year. My mother kicked me out, and I currently live with my eldest sister in her home. I occasionally do house chores around the house, other than that I just watch TV or play on my computer all day. I currently don't have any real friends other than my older brother that lives with us. I've been bullied, picked-on, and ridiculed. I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never even been kissed.

Now I'm just listing how much of a loser I am, and whether we have disorders or whatever, it all effects our lives differently, but the saddest part to me is that I've been through so many years of therapy for anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts, all the doctors could conclude is that I have Schizophrenia. I know I'm not crazy or anything like that. I do daydream way too much, but I don't hallucinate. I know what reality is. I get mood swings, but it's not that I have lack of control over myself or my emotions, I just get bitter about life.
I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD/ADD but I look back at my life, and a lot of it makes sense to me now.

My mind is always wondering, daydreaming, thinking about random things. I have a hard time concentrating and focusing. I always feel fatigue and tired, and I sometimes will randomly get bursts of energy. I have a hard time sleeping often, and I often lose my sleeping schedule. I look back at when I was a kid, all the memories, the awkward moments, embarrassments, the laziness. I remember it always being so hard for me to get up every morning to go to school. I would miss so many school days, faking sick, so my mind could freely wonder in the comfort of my home. My grades have always been terrible because it was always so hard for me to concentrate on schoolwork. My social life has been very awkward. I can't keep friends because I simply lose interest in them. I very often become anti-social. People usually don't even appreciate my social skills. I generally have a hard time conversating with people because it's hard for me to connect and concentration with people and what they say. People have a hard time understanding me sometimes. I sometimes have uncontrollable laughter; my mind stays stuck on something that I find funny, whether it happened right then or I was just randomly thinking about it. It's so difficult for me to "grow up" as a person, compared to other people. I've always been reluctant to get things done.

As far as I remember, growing up, ADHD didn't exist. Never heard of it. The doctors where I grew up at, obviously didn't hear of it either. They were so quick to call me crazy, lazy, and dumb. Hell, they did the same thing to one of my sisters, who had uncontrollable seizures and suffered depression. They called her crazy. When she got older, she moved to a different, a better place, and the doctors there confirmed she had Hypoglycemia.
Our mother believed the doctors. She doesn't understand these disorders. I feel like too many people don't understand them. At least where I grew up at.

ADHD tickled in my head when my brother mentioned it last year, thinking he might of had it. I one day, wondering my thoughts, thought about it, and looked up the symptoms. A lot of it, if not all of it, I do or have done. I even took a couple of online ADHD test, apparently confirming I have it.

I just know I have ADHD/ADD, I just look back at my life and it has been a battle for me. I almost feel like I've lived a lifetime. Most of the bad things that has happened to me, the stupid choices I've made, the things I've thought, is because of my disorder. My personality, my disorder, and the circumstances I was born with ruined my life. I know I'm still young, and it could be too early to say my life is officially ruined, but it's been pretty stupid so far, and the choices I've made have effected me greatly.

I'm currently still bitter, no longer depressed, still have some anxiety, but I do try to be optimistic about life. My brother is pretty optimistic and he inspires me to be. I want to do and achieve many things. What I feel is mostly holding me back is ADHD. It's just so hard for me to get things done, and whats worse is that people around me just don't understand that. I don't have insurance or the money to get diagnosed and properly medicated for it. None of my family that has money wants to currently help me with it, because it's not that believable of a condition to them. Currently in a limbo situation, but I try to stay positive and see whats next for me in life.

Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

[gypsyque]

This is my first post after finding PC yesterday & i really didnt know where to start but after reading your post i knew this was agreat place to share. Im 41 & my life has been a sham & im truely exhausted by it. Im sure i have ADHD but yet to know what step to take next but im sure i'll eventually work it out. I have felt like you describe for as long as i can remember but my symptoms always got labelled as something else, in my late teens it was OCD, in my 20s clinical depression & PTSD, in my 30s BPD & effects from drug abuse/dependency ova 20yrs. I have always claimed "cause & effect" so the labels all seemed viable. As i no longer feel the (clinical)depression & the others are traits i battle with on a daily basis i have come to the conclusion i have found my answer to the question that led me to this site in the first place, which was..."why am i my own worst enemy?" im sure ADHD is the reason. I cant concentrate long enough anymore to make sense of what im trying to say but i know i've eventually landed in the right place & maybe now i can rest my frazzled brain if only for a moment. Take comfort knowing you have found this site & many others that feel the same & possibly answers to your questions without another 20yrs of baggage & misdiagnoses attached to you. Thanks for sharing...

[Irine]

I can say nothing but totally relate to the feeling of a looser that society likes us the disordered to have.

But heck - i am sure that society itself is disordered!

[chelledotcom]

Reading this story was like reading mine (in most ways, that is...)

I'm 26, so slightly older, and I went through the inability to drive (at random, I already had my license and had been driving), and growing up I had times of refusing to do my homework, being bored in school, so goofing off...I was smart enough to keep my grades up to appease the 'rents (and so I didnt get yelled at)

I was diagnosed with depression, disthymia, borderline personality disorder, etc. I feel like I was misdiagnosed now because treatment for those disorders NEVER WORKED.

I am also uninsured so treatment and diagnosis are difficult. The University I attend has a student health center, but, being that adhd medications are abusable, especially by college students, they have screening tests, but no diagnostic tests, and a referral to a psych will just take forever and my grades are falling (legitimately. Ive never studied before, Ive been able to BS my way through everything until now), and my anxiety is going through the roof.

I hope things get better for you. Living with the weird headspace is a challenge and can be awful. Good luck

[L2L4L]

Originally Posted by DePressMe

I did not get diagnosed with ADD until I was in my late 30s. Taking meds for it was like a lifesaver for me. My whole world changed for the better. If you do have ADD or ADHD I hope you can get help for it. Counseling and meds have truly helped me.

I... been alone dealing with this, my mom couldn't and wouldn't take the time to research it for herself... I pay no attention to it when I was a kid, and stop taking the pill, the only reason why I graduated was because they average out the grade in the class. I have push the one I love away by trying to hold on to her with everything, she took the time to understand and accept me, but my behavior she could not handle... I just want to know what medicine you take, and how you decide that one, I can't send a message, I saw this post, and join to talk to you all. Please, I just want this to be easy for me as possible.

[RTerroni]

I have ADHD and have never been able to keep a job for a long period of time, I really give up on looking for work some time ago.

[yellowfrog268]

Seems like we're all in good company. I think many of us who were either diagnosed later in life or diagnosed early but not provided with appropriate services feel some degree of anger, regret, or depression over years spent struggling to understand ourselves and the world around us.

The best anyone of us can do is to strive to make the rest of our lives the best that it can be.

[TheTrade]

DoctorYourself.Com - ADHD & ADD

Worth a read.

[yellowfrog268]

Originally Posted by mkb42

Not much of a question here, but I just felt like i need to share something, get it off my chest.

I'm 20 years old. I don't have a car, I can't drive, I don't have a job, never had a job, I don't go to school. I dropped out of High School when I was 16. I do have my GED, got it last year. My mother kicked me out, and I currently live with my eldest sister in her home. I occasionally do house chores around the house, other than that I just watch TV or play on my computer all day. I currently don't have any real friends other than my older brother that lives with us. I've been bullied, picked-on, and ridiculed. I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never even been kissed.

Now I'm just listing how much of a loser I am, and whether we have disorders or whatever, it all effects our lives differently, but the saddest part to me is that I've been through so many years of therapy for anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts, all the doctors could conclude is that I have Schizophrenia. I know I'm not crazy or anything like that. I do daydream way too much, but I don't hallucinate. I know what reality is. I get mood swings, but it's not that I have lack of control over myself or my emotions, I just get bitter about life.
I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD/ADD but I look back at my life, and a lot of it makes sense to me now.

My mind is always wondering, daydreaming, thinking about random things. I have a hard time concentrating and focusing. I always feel fatigue and tired, and I sometimes will randomly get bursts of energy. I have a hard time sleeping often, and I often lose my sleeping schedule. I look back at when I was a kid, all the memories, the awkward moments, embarrassments, the laziness. I remember it always being so hard for me to get up every morning to go to school. I would miss so many school days, faking sick, so my mind could freely wonder in the comfort of my home. My grades have always been terrible because it was always so hard for me to concentrate on schoolwork. My social life has been very awkward. I can't keep friends because I simply lose interest in them. I very often become anti-social. People usually don't even appreciate my social skills. I generally have a hard time conversating with people because it's hard for me to connect and concentration with people and what they say. People have a hard time understanding me sometimes. I sometimes have uncontrollable laughter; my mind stays stuck on something that I find funny, whether it happened right then or I was just randomly thinking about it. It's so difficult for me to "grow up" as a person, compared to other people. I've always been reluctant to get things done.

As far as I remember, growing up, ADHD didn't exist. Never heard of it. The doctors where I grew up at, obviously didn't hear of it either. They were so quick to call me crazy, lazy, and dumb. Hell, they did the same thing to one of my sisters, who had uncontrollable seizures and suffered depression. They called her crazy. When she got older, she moved to a different, a better place, and the doctors there confirmed she had Hypoglycemia.
Our mother believed the doctors. She doesn't understand these disorders. I feel like too many people don't understand them. At least where I grew up at.

ADHD tickled in my head when my brother mentioned it last year, thinking he might of had it. I one day, wondering my thoughts, thought about it, and looked up the symptoms. A lot of it, if not all of it, I do or have done. I even took a couple of online ADHD test, apparently confirming I have it.

I just know I have ADHD/ADD, I just look back at my life and it has been a battle for me. I almost feel like I've lived a lifetime. Most of the bad things that has happened to me, the stupid choices I've made, the things I've thought, is because of my disorder. My personality, my disorder, and the circumstances I was born with ruined my life. I know I'm still young, and it could be too early to say my life is officially ruined, but it's been pretty stupid so far, and the choices I've made have effected me greatly.

I'm currently still bitter, no longer depressed, still have some anxiety, but I do try to be optimistic about life. My brother is pretty optimistic and he inspires me to be. I want to do and achieve many things. What I feel is mostly holding me back is ADHD. It's just so hard for me to get things done, and whats worse is that people around me just don't understand that. I don't have insurance or the money to get diagnosed and properly medicated for it. None of my family that has money wants to currently help me with it, because it's not that believable of a condition to them. Currently in a limbo situation, but I try to stay positive and see whats next for me in life.

Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

mkb42,

I would like to suggest some ways to help yourself.

1. Books--Free or low cost--Libraries, Amazon, or ebay
2. Websites for adults with ADHD. Many are filled with tips
3. Newsletters in particular-- ADDitude (stylized)
4. Consider your sleeping and eating habits. These won't cure anything but can help manage.
5. Support groups online or in person

Hope these help.

[leej07]

I was diagnosed at the age of 5 or 6, and I can well remember how hard my first years in school were. I still struggle with inattention and forgetfulness. I lose stuff all the time, but medication does help.