What i've learn't from knowing add'ers

I do go on a lot on here about my friend but that is simply because i look up to her and find her inspirational. Although her attention shifts regularly she has a lot of integrity for people who are good to her, the others who don't..... Well then they meet the blonde bombshell haha. This is what i have learn't so far;

- ADD/HD is NOT something to be ashamed of if anything you should be proud of it

- it doesn't make you any less of a person, inadequate or a failure unless you think you are, positivity is key when you are low. Positive mind = positive life

- you can do anything you put your mind to especially if you hyperfocus. My best mate says that " she can't do anything right" and i tell her that she does but she just doesn't realise it because she is constantly multitasking (hopefully she will try meds and natural remedies to allieviate those symptoms and make life easier for herself)

- ADD/HD people ARE intelligent although it may appear like you're not you ARE so don't let anyone tell you otherwise... Einstein had ADHD

Whenever my friend feels low or is depressed i reasure her by telling her it is a blip that she will get through. When she tells me that she hates how hard life is for her but easy for everyone else i compare it to sports day races. I tell her that at sports days some people do 400m runs and others do hurdles.. The people doing the 400m race are non-ADD'ers and the hurdles are for ADD'ers...the 400m race is just the runner and clear tarmac they just have to run and can push themselves to do so. On the other hand the ADD'ers doing the hurdles have fences to jump so it will be more strenuous and may take longer but they will reach the end no matter what.

I compare her to this as she is the one jumping hurdles while everyone else has a clear run, she can push herself but only for so long before she reaches another fence. Of course she falls over the fences now and again but she picks herself back up and carries on thats what makes her an inspiring person. Life shoots curve balls at her quicker than a tennis ball dispenser.... But that doesn't discourage her from becoming the nurse she wants to be.

I have learn't that these phrases are a HUGE NO NO from seeing her reaction when others have said them to her..... Luckily i wasn't one of them;

- Are you listening?
- Comeon!
- Why are you so quiet?
- What is wrong with you?
- Why can't you pay attention?
- You're not even listening
- Why is it taking so long?
- You don't bother anymore!
- You are such a liar!
- Why can't you do anything right?
- Do it yourself stop asking other people to do it for you!
- You are NEVER on time
- Why do you pay more attention to them than me?
- Do you not like/love me anymore?
- You talk too quickly what is wrong with you?
- Can you stop being so rude and interrupting?
- Can you leave me alone i don't like you!
- Why don't you talk in our group conversations?
- You are just making excuses
- How are you the only one that doesn't follow the rules?
- Are you an alien? Why do you space out so much?

These phrases i have heard countless times and i have no idea how hearing those on a regular basis would feel but they are nasty phrases none the less. I find it hard to not step in so if i hear someone say this to my friend i become so infuriated i confront the person putting her down.

Since she told me she had ADD i have researched it extensively and have been thinking of ways to try and reverse the damage done by others for instance;

- if someone says they find her annoying i tell her they are obviously boring people because you're so entertaining to be around

- "why aren't you listening?" I will step in and say "i just told her something to think about thats why"

- impulsiveness is a main ADHD symptom and a lot of non- add'ers don't quite grasp the concept of it so they assume that you're bored of what they're saying (which in some cases may be true but what they don't know won't hurt them haha) so when she says something that people find weird or just look at her like she is an alien i agree and keep that subject going so it prevents the awkward silence

- "i am useless at making friends no one likes me" this one breaks my heart to hear but i simply say keep your head up, some people are too judgemental and innept at realising a true friend when they see one.... So its their loss not yours you have always got me to turn to.

- she has low self esteem as a result of all the negativity she deals with so she will put herself down in front of people for instance; "i look like a slug" yepp she says that openly to people which i am trying to stop as she has had someone agree with her which broke her into tears. I reasure her by saying she is naturally pretty whereas half the year have to cake on foundation till they look like a victoria sponge....i really want cake now haha.. anywho whenever she feels low i find all the positives and contrast them with her negative perceptions of herself like this;

Her negatives:
- i am ugly
- i can't do anything right
- i fail everything
- nothing ever goes right for me
- no boys like me
- i am useless at making friends
- i take forever doing simple things
- i can't pass my driving first time like everyone else

My positives:
- you are naturally pretty, not a lot of people can pull that off
- you focus on all the negatives and none of the positive stuff you do
- you don't fail everything you are in college so you haven't failed anything
- you must be positive and positive things will happen
- none of them boys deserve you and they clearly don't have standards
- they are useless at keeping in touch with you (lousy friends)
- you are a perfectionist so you take your time and do it right
- just because some people pass first time it doesn't make them good drivers

She smiles when i contradict her because it reasures her and makes her feel better about herself. As you can see i am very VERY protective of her i think of her as a sister so i do my best to make life easier for her when she has drama or chaos that gets overwhelming for her.

ADHD seems incredibly difficult to handle at times but once you do it is amazing so i fully believe anyone who has it will be able to tell people with confidence that they are one of the fortunate people to have an amazing mind that can link everything together like a puzzle instantly whereas non-add'ers don't have that luxury so we take ages figuring things out when you are probably 100 miles ahead. So don't let anyone make you feel inadequate for having an amazingly interesting mind that processes information quicker than they can say ADHD. I have come across people who don't believe in ADHD which frustrates me because my friend struggles with it and doesn't suffer for being "LAZY" or "STUPID" but because she is constantly thinking at 100mph and for that i find her amazing and think she is going to be super successful in the future.

I have learn't a lot from knowing add'ers and being lucky enough to have a friend with it so i may only be 18 but i have learn't a lot that has made me the person i am today and if i had a choice between having only ADD'ers in my life or have neurotypical people i would choose ADD'ers all day long! I think people MASSIVELY misjudge ADHD as a "bad behaviour" disorder but it isn't so i make sure i grab my mates attention before she over hears someone saying that to her and dwells on it for hours and hours till she breaks down.

I adore her and i am still learning about how to help her find coping strategies to handle the symptoms when it gets tough but none the less she is my best friend, my sister, my inspiration and most importantly my most bubbly interesting and fabulous friend i have EVER had!

Claire

Thanks for sharing your perceptions of your friend. She is lucky to have a friend that cares.

Thank you i really want to raise awareness to people that ADHD isn't as bad as the media and others make it. Chances are those people have boring lives cause they are ADHDless (making up words now haha)

Claire