[Claire2015]

Just a quick question does Adhd make you more vulnerable to being bullied or easier to influence to become a bully? My friends have a hard time when they're told that someone doesn't like them or their behaviour is horrible/obnoxious/ intimidating. They will then get labelled "a bully" or that they're "picking" on people.

Does Adhd cause bullying?

Claire

[kanasi]

No, because it's only a developmental disorder. It's possible a comorbidity like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria might have to do with it, since someone becoming a bully, or easily being bullied are related to low self esteem. Same thing as for neurotypical people, I would look at self esteem and self compassion first.

[Megancq]

I was very recently diagnosed ADHD and I'm honestly still questioning my diagnosis, but my doc has focused quite a bit on relationships and explained the tendency to take things personally or be very sensitive, quick to anger, and emotional in ADHD people. I know this applies to me, and my mom, who my doc recommended getting tested for ADHD like me but who has been previously diagnosed as bi-polar (she's seeing a separate psychiatrist from the one I see and her old one soon I hope!) We have had really bad problems and explosive fights in the past, and a lot of the emotional symptoms of ADHD explain the insane drama between the two of us. Since I've been getting treatment, our relationship has improved a lot

I'm obviously not a professional and very new at this, but I've found support for that conclusion in my hours of researching ADHD. From my experience/reading, it can make you hyper-sensitive to percieved shortcomings, criticisms, etc. It is also related to low self-esteem, poor social skill, and impulsiveness among other things. In my opinion some of these traits combined in certain people can definitely make them predisposed towards being "bullies."

Of course, I think all of these extra symptoms/behavioral patterns have separate and confusing names and may just be comorbidities of ADHD that I don't fully understand, so I'm sure the poster above me is more correct than I am

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by kanasi

No, because it's only a developmental disorder. It's possible a comorbidity like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria might have to do with it, since someone becoming a bully, or easily being bullied are related to low self esteem. Same thing as for neurotypical people, I would look at self esteem and self compassion first.

Oo okay thank you for that so it's something you inherit externally, that makes sense. So if someone with Adhd and RSD deals with negativity from others all the time then they're more likely to develop that behaviour almost as a defence mechanism.

Really appreciate that thank you

Claire

[alwaysin6thgear]

Originally Posted by Claire2015

Just a quick question does Adhd make you more vulnerable to being bullied or easier to influence to become a bully? My friends have a hard time when they're told that someone doesn't like them or their behaviour is horrible/obnoxious/ intimidating. They will then get labelled "a bully" or that they're "picking" on people.

Does Adhd cause bullying?

Claire

It doesn't cause bullying, however, there are certain symptoms that I believe can play a part in the development of a bully. But I do think ADHD does cause someone to be bullied. When I was a kid being bullied meant getting psychically beaten up, not like today when most bulling is done through social media. Because of my difficulties learning school I was an easy target. I was also tall for my age and very thin so I attracted the attention of all the "jocks" . Because of my undiagnosed ADHD I was the lazy, stupid unmotivated kid. Back in my day the teachers were not very supportive and anyone being picked on was usually accused of being the aggressor. I was no different, I didn't have any friends so it was easy to blame me as the one who started a fight. Every day in high school I got hit at least once. When I started to fight back and defend myself it only made it worse and my parents were called. My father didn't care what my side was, it was assumed that I started it and when I got home I got beaten up again. What made me angry was that years after high school I used to run into some classmates who would bring up the bullying I was subjected to and comment that how bad they felt for me. I then would ask if you felt so bad why didn't you stick up for me or defend me, I didn't mean psychically,but why didn't anyone go to the teachers or principal to tell them what really happened? could never get an answer. I told one classmate who I have known since 5 y/o that I tried 3 or 4 times to kill myself because of the abuse, at school and at home. Adults really let me down. I have always been referred to as a very nice, easy going person who would give the shirt off his back, even as a kid, but that had always been misinterpreted as being easy and weak. And 35 years later I still have a difficult time standing my ground because now I am a very big athletic man who is no accused of being intimidating. I was alway told I have to act differently because of my size, pretty much I'm being told that you don't have a right to stand your ground. This is something that has destroyed my self esteem and self confidence. I can go to the gym and feel right at home but outside of that I am a easy target. It's not just from guys with the "little man syndrome" There are more insecure people out there than I realized. I have paid a huge price for someone else's insecurities. I always thought if I had the type of parents and teachers that were supportive when I was young things would be different. Even today my mother still has this perception that I'm a bully only because of my size. As a kid my older brother would antagonize me to the point that my ADHD would come out, the nervousness and anxiety and all that goes with it. My mother would start with " are going to beat him up" "you think your a tough guy" and she would wack me with a broom and my brother would go off laughing. THis happened with the neigborhood kids also, my father used to hit me infront of them and it made a bad situation hell. I made myself a promise that I would never have kids, I don't want a kid to suffer what I have (ADHD) and I was afraid I might be like my parents. Although I control my ADD well, that hasn't stopped the people closest to me from treating me the same way they did when I was a kid. I finally had no choice recently to come to the decision to finally seperate myself from my family. The first half of my life was hell, and the beginning of the second wasn't any better. Everyday I think of suicide, wondering what my purpose is. Having ADD is hell enough but dealing with people who don't have but actually have other issues is something that I think all the time, not worth living. It was these people that I looked for when I needed support instead I found people who just really didn't care. I always say your parents set the foundation for your success, mine dug the hole and threw me in and walked away. I never bullied anyone I happy to say but ADHD sure caused me to be bullied and it destroyed my life.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by alwaysin6thgear

It doesn't cause bullying, however, there are certain symptoms that I believe can play a part in the development of a bully. But I do think ADHD does cause someone to be bullied. When I was a kid being bullied meant getting psychically beaten up, not like today when most bulling is done through social media. Because of my difficulties learning school I was an easy target. I was also tall for my age and very thin so I attracted the attention of all the "jocks" . Because of my undiagnosed ADHD I was the lazy, stupid unmotivated kid. Back in my day the teachers were not very supportive and anyone being picked on was usually accused of being the aggressor. I was no different, I didn't have any friends so it was easy to blame me as the one who started a fight. Every day in high school I got hit at least once. When I started to fight back and defend myself it only made it worse and my parents were called. My father didn't care what my side was, it was assumed that I started it and when I got home I got beaten up again. What made me angry was that years after high school I used to run into some classmates who would bring up the bullying I was subjected to and comment that how bad they felt for me. I then would ask if you felt so bad why didn't you stick up for me or defend me, I didn't mean psychically,but why didn't anyone go to the teachers or principal to tell them what really happened? could never get an answer. I told one classmate who I have known since 5 y/o that I tried 3 or 4 times to kill myself because of the abuse, at school and at home. Adults really let me down. I have always been referred to as a very nice, easy going person who would give the shirt off his back, even as a kid, but that had always been misinterpreted as being easy and weak. And 35 years later I still have a difficult time standing my ground because now I am a very big athletic man who is no accused of being intimidating. I was alway told I have to act differently because of my size, pretty much I'm being told that you don't have a right to stand your ground. This is something that has destroyed my self esteem and self confidence. I can go to the gym and feel right at home but outside of that I am a easy target. It's not just from guys with the "little man syndrome" There are more insecure people out there than I realized. I have paid a huge price for someone else's insecurities. I always thought if I had the type of parents and teachers that were supportive when I was young things would be different. Even today my mother still has this perception that I'm a bully only because of my size. As a kid my older brother would antagonize me to the point that my ADHD would come out, the nervousness and anxiety and all that goes with it. My mother would start with " are going to beat him up" "you think your a tough guy" and she would wack me with a broom and my brother would go off laughing. THis happened with the neigborhood kids also, my father used to hit me infront of them and it made a bad situation hell. I made myself a promise that I would never have kids, I don't want a kid to suffer what I have (ADHD) and I was afraid I might be like my parents. Although I control my ADD well, that hasn't stopped the people closest to me from treating me the same way they did when I was a kid. I finally had no choice recently to come to the decision to finally seperate myself from my family. The first half of my life was hell, and the beginning of the second wasn't any better. Everyday I think of suicide, wondering what my purpose is. Having ADD is hell enough but dealing with people who don't have but actually have other issues is something that I think all the time, not worth living. It was these people that I looked for when I needed support instead I found people who just really didn't care. I always say your parents set the foundation for your success, mine dug the hole and threw me in and walked away. I never bullied anyone I happy to say but ADHD sure caused me to be bullied and it destroyed my life.

Thank you so so much for taking the time to write all that, share your story and be so open about it i really appreciate it that sounds horrible home is where you should be protected not on the firing line. That is what my friend went through where she had barely anyone stand up for her (except myself) and even when i did she would get annoyed with me for getting involved cause 'she could handle it herself' (which she obviously couldn't)

Have you ever gone to a support group where you can channel your emotions and make friends with people who would have your back and understand you better than anyone. I am really sorry to hear that you struggle from being bullied and size shouldn't matter that is a typical stereotype situation. You don't seem intimidating although i have never met you i think you should ignore people like that, the small minded people tend to be the ones who just others.

Suicide is NOT an option you have so much to live for there is always a silver lining don't give up just because others have given up with you. It is sad that you're isolating yourself from your family, however it is also a blessing in disguise cause you will have positivity from now on. Toxic people only make the bad times worse so eliminate them and you will see clear skies

I am always here if you want someone to talk to you're not alone

Claire

[booklover101]

Originally Posted by Claire2015

Just a quick question does Adhd make you more vulnerable to being bullied or easier to influence to become a bully? My friends have a hard time when they're told that someone doesn't like them or their behaviour is horrible/obnoxious/ intimidating. They will then get labelled "a bully" or that they're "picking" on people.

Does Adhd cause bullying?

Claire

Well, I don't know about all people, but it did and still does for me.

My friend's parents "accidentally" let it slip to her that I had ADHD. She went and told everyone I know, even though I didn't want anyone to know.

After that, everybody in my class treated me differently. They made fun of me a lot when another kid in my class who has ADHD also (except unlike me, he's not medicated and just a jerk without the ADHD) and then said to me things along the line of "Oh look you found your soulmate another person with ADHD" and other cruel things like that.

I think this is unfair because

1. Not all ADHD Is the same, and I actually have ADD

2. He's a jerk and no one's soulmate should be a jerk

Also, whenever I got a bad grade on a paper, people would excuse it as me being "stupid" because I have ADD. I am in fact, not stupid. I scored in the 99th percentile on standardized testing, I now go to an extremely academically challenging college prep high school, and my father who also has ADHD has an MD.

So no, just because you have ADHD doesn't mean you're stupid.

I guess it does cause bullying. It made everyone treat me like an outcast, which is, essentially bullying.

I hope this helps!!

Lots of good wishes,
A friend

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by Megancq

I was very recently diagnosed ADHD and I'm honestly still questioning my diagnosis, but my doc has focused quite a bit on relationships and explained the tendency to take things personally or be very sensitive, quick to anger, and emotional in ADHD people. I know this applies to me, and my mom, who my doc recommended getting tested for ADHD like me but who has been previously diagnosed as bi-polar (she's seeing a separate psychiatrist from the one I see and her old one soon I hope!) We have had really bad problems and explosive fights in the past, and a lot of the emotional symptoms of ADHD explain the insane drama between the two of us. Since I've been getting treatment, our relationship has improved a lot

I'm obviously not a professional and very new at this, but I've found support for that conclusion in my hours of researching ADHD. From my experience/reading, it can make you hyper-sensitive to percieved shortcomings, criticisms, etc. It is also related to low self-esteem, poor social skill, and impulsiveness among other things. In my opinion some of these traits combined in certain people can definitely make them predisposed towards being "bullies."

Of course, I think all of these extra symptoms/behavioral patterns have separate and confusing names and may just be comorbidities of ADHD that I don't fully understand, so I'm sure the poster above me is more correct than I am

Thank you for that i appreciate it and i am so sorry for the late reply i missed the replies by accident. I don't think people who have ADHD are bullies although as you say a lot of symptoms match a bully criteria. It seems like people with ADHD are more likely to be bullied.

I hope your mother gets a diagnosis as it do a world of good for her. I have learn't that ADHD is genetic and 99% of the time one of your parents will have it too.

Thank you again

Claire

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by booklover101

Well, I don't know about all people, but it did and still does for me.

My friend's parents "accidentally" let it slip to her that I had ADHD. She went and told everyone I know, even though I didn't want anyone to know.

After that, everybody in my class treated me differently. They made fun of me a lot when another kid in my class who has ADHD also (except unlike me, he's not medicated and just a jerk without the ADHD) and then said to me things along the line of "Oh look you found your soulmate another person with ADHD" and other cruel things like that.

I think this is unfair because

1. Not all ADHD Is the same, and I actually have ADD

2. He's a jerk and no one's soulmate should be a jerk

Also, whenever I got a bad grade on a paper, people would excuse it as me being "stupid" because I have ADD. I am in fact, not stupid. I scored in the 99th percentile on standardized testing, I now go to an extremely academically challenging college prep high school, and my father who also has ADHD has an MD.

So no, just because you have ADHD doesn't mean you're stupid.

I guess it does cause bullying. It made everyone treat me like an outcast, which is, essentially bullying.

I hope this helps!!

Lots of good wishes,
A friend

Thank you so much for sharing that it helps a lot thank you i can't believe the parents just let that slip out, it's not their place to say or their business it should come from you (only if you allow it of course) i feel so sorry for you having to deal with people like that.

Nothing worse than small minded people, you shouldn't be associated with anyone with ADHD cause as you say everyone is different.

Thank you so much again

Claire