[Tess]

All I've learned is that there is no much you can do for it other than try meds (didn't work) or compensate by being organized. I need to know the feelings/mood or reactions of others who have this and could this be why I don't have successful male female realtionships.

And if anyone who has this has gone beyond the being the Jack of all trades and master of none career - being this way has put me into depression after burning out from trying to keep up with more and more responsbilites as it is impossible to have enough time that I need to learn. Now with the depression and how sick it made me I am broken -- I know the stress in starting a new job and nowadays no one share info - and I never could learn from books or 1 or 2 days of classes.

Help!

[FearsomeAnna]

Tess,

Many, many things go into having successful male/female relationships, not just the effects from a disease. Having a good role model with which to work (i.e., my parents have been very happily married for 26 years) is crucial. That said, I also have ADD and yes sometimes it does make relationships harder than most. My fiance also has ADD so we tend to be a lot more understanding of each other than maybe others would. For instance, I can't count the number of times where he's been trying to tell me something and I'm focused somewhere totally different. Then again, I can't tell you the number of times I start on some sort of mission to get something done and he gets distracted. It's kind of disorganized around here, LOL!

We people with ADD are not known for our patience, and that's the truth. I come from a family of high achievers so I was pretty much forced to be organized growing up with my mom and dad breathing down the back of my neck (this doesn't mean that the second they weren't looking, something didn't get misplaced....or crammed into the bottom of my backpack....etc) - I've pretty much had to learn how to compensate by, you guessed it, forced organization.

Meds are not the be all end all of ADD treatment either. They're DEFINITELY not meant as a "cure", just a help until you can sit and develop a system, whatever works for you.

I find it highly self-defeating to blame everything on my ADD. I am, and I'm sure you are, so much more than our disease. You might as well shoot yourself in the foot now, because frankly that kind of crap gets you absolutely nowhere. Recovering or working with any kind of disease, especially mental, takes more effort than meds and a tendency to whine about how everything goes wrong because of the disease.

I think its more than highly possible that the depression is treatable - I also believe that you have to stop moping about how everything is wrong and start taking steps to make it right. No one can fix this but you. If that means making sure you have the proper time to get the proper training, so be it. If that means taking time out of your day for you, so be it. Change starts with you. No one can drag you into this - you have to seriously want to change.

Your first specific assignment is to find a therapist in your area who treats depression. Find a list of 4 or 5 close to you (and by that, I mean you'd be willing to drive to see them).

Your second assignment is to call them and talk to them. Not all therapists are the same, so find one you like talking to on the phone. No, you won't find out everything about them in a few minutes, but its like people who aren't therapists either - a few minutes should point you in the right direction.

Third, make an appointment. And then GO SEE THEM! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I understand that it can be hard to find the energy to do this when you're depressed. Enlist a friend, or a family member to help you do this. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Good luck and keep posting.

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[Tess]

Thanks for getting back to me but I believe you read me wrong - I was asking questions and apparently without any patience. It helped me greatly to hear that when you get involved you don't always hear what your partner is asking - Very helpful - now I can pay more attention in that area. I am not blaming or moping just trying to learn through others who have ADD and depression so I can learn to be aware of reactions or lack of to get on a better road. Also I have completed my assignments - that was so cute of you and the step by step was great but I am already working with someone and it is helpful but hearing your interaction with your partner when you are focused - made it more apparent to me and I can fix this.

Have a great day and thanks for sharing!!!!!

[FearsomeAnna]

Sorry, Tess!

I read you wrong, definitely. For some reason I interpreted your post to be kind of whiny - I'm not sure why. As long as you're willing to fight the good fight, you're not whining!

The assignments were something my therapist made me do so that I could see how much people with ADD have to break down a task as compared to someone without.

Now, cleaning my house is broken up into tasks by room. For instance, I have "pick up stray dishes", "unload dishwasher" "load dishwasher", "spray counters and wipe", "spray stove and wipe", etc instead of just "clean the kitchen". I have to do it that way, or I lose sight of what I'm trying to get done. It's really, really helpful - ask your therapist about it! Although, that still doesn't mean that I'm not cluttered or have a lot of stuff everywhere, LOL, it just means that I have ways of dealing with the clutter should I so choose

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[stargazer]

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

And if anyone who has this has gone beyond the being the Jack of all trades and master of none career

<hr></blockquote>


Been there done that I'm afraid. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I changed my major in college 14 times. I would continually get distracted and interested in something else for awhile. You know what I'm talking about. Eventually, I ended up with a degree in liberal arts. Then I went on to graduate school. I was very fortunate to have married a very understanding woman before I started graduate school. With her skill in organizing, she was able to help me complete my Masters. I can't say that I've not had my share of troubles on the job. I have had to develop a lot of little organizational tricks to help me stay focused on the job. Anyway, it's a long way around to say that with some accomodation and tenacity, you can certainly succeed in a job and in relationships and life in general.
all my best.
mark

Though inland far we be,
Our souls have sight of that immortal sea
Which brought us hither.
William Wordsworth (1770–1850)

[darkeyes]

Don't give up on meds for ADD, there are so many more than a few years ago that really can help, and of course if taken as prescribed.
For quite awhile pdocs were misdiagnosing (and some still are) Bipolar disorder as being ADD and turns out that some are Bipolar and the meds for ADD work oppsite and wreak havoc for the patient, and just the opposite happens
If I were you I'd go for another opinion and see if you may have been misdiagnosed and were recieving improper treatment.
Also note a person can be Bipolar and also ADD, but that can be treated by a pdoc as well, so do not give up.
Stress is a huge trigger to problems for these 2 disorders as well as others. Give another try in seeking professional help, can't hurt, right?
Please take care and drop here anytime

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[auntchrisfun]

hi my name is Christine and read your post to Tess. I was just diagnose eith ADHD. I was put on Strattera and have only been on it for 2 wks come tuesday, can you give me any help and understanding I know I am babbling and not making senses sorry I am try to be intelligent. hope to hear from you . Christine