Parents driving me crazy!! (Long)

Hi everyone,
I found this forum searching the web and I hope you might have some advice for me. I am a 30 year old single woman. I have always been very close to my parents (only child), but they are becoming a huge burden to me. My mom is about 60 and my dad is 64. My mother has a full-time job and my dad is retired on disability. He cannot walk without a cane. About 4 months ago, they called me frantic, saying they needed thousands of dollars to save their home from property tax auction
due to late payments. I lent them most of that money, which wiped out most of my savings. My mom asked me if I would help her with a budget (she controls the money). I'm very frugal and I had no problem doing this, but she left out a lot of important factors even after I asked her, that made the budget unworkable. For example, she had not paid the car insurance for a year on a beat up car they have. After we did the budget, my dad had an accident when the car broke down on him. This is how I found out they did not have insurance. I had asked my mother about it and she said it was paid. Well, as you can imagine, they have all kinds of tickets, DMV fines and an impending lawsuit. She is also not willing to learn about the budget, she just wants me to do it for her. She saves all of her bills for me to open. She doesn’t want to open the mail anymore.

I have to continually push them to do things. I have been seeking advice from everywhere to help them with these problems, pro bono legal offices & debt help, giving them phone #s to call. I have been driving my mother everywhere since the accident, my parents finally get their driving record reinstated about 3 weeks ago. As soon as they get on the road again, the car has another breakdown. They go on to get that patched up. They finally decide to look for another car, but they don’t have even $600.00. So I go to work, I look in newspapers, stop by garages, trying desperately to find anything in that price range that runs. Well, last Sunday, we found two stick shifts for under $400.00 that had inspections and were in driveable condition. I tell my mom about the cars and she says, no I don’t want a stick shift, I can’t drive it. The car they have now is a stick and my dad has been driving it. She can learn!! She said she was going to a car auction this Tuesday. I called on Wed, she said she didn’t go. Also, their car is at the mechanic shop with another major problem. A neighbor was going to take her and I believe my mom cancelled, not the neighbor. Well on Wed. & Thurs., I had to go somewhere and could not take her, so she didn’t go to work for 2 days.

My mother refuses to try alternate solutions to the problem. She refuses to take the bus. She works nights and cannot take the bus in the evening, but she could take it home in the morning. She has been using my car on the weekends. If she cannot get a ride to work from me or a neighbor during the week, she takes off of work, which could put her job in jeopardy.

Since she refused to look at the stick shifts, I have been fed up! I have no patience left and I am sick of driving them around everywhere. I don’t have a life anymore!

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I don’t know what to do. Some of my friends say I should stop helping them altogether, but that is easier said than done. They are my parents!

I’d appreciate any advice,
Thank You, B.

Hi. Just read your message...I don't know if I can help but I went through a similar situation with my Mother. The difference here is that you're all alone dealing with this. First, you must accept the fact that your Mom or Dad are NOT going to change. It is extremely frustrating I know, but if you can tell yourself that this is the way they are, and there's nothing you can do about it, you may be able to release some of the frustration. Second they are all grown up and responsible for their own lives. Unless they are mentally incompetent I see no reason for you to have to be burdened with their financial responsibilities. Tell them that you are no longer going to help them with their finances unless they are willing to make amends...and stick to your guns. Also, you might suggest that they sell their house and move into a seniors complex.
My mom is 80 and I have 5 other brothers and sisters. After my Dad died my Mom went on a spending spree and went through over $100,000. in 10 years -spent on gambling and trips and new furniture. Then she'd complain that she couldn't pay her gas bill. I gave up. When any of my brothers or sisters call telling me how much they're worried about Mom's financial situation I tell them I don't want to hear about it. If Mom calls complaining about how she has no money to pay her bills and has just come back from a junket to some Casino I tell her...'oh...too bad'. That's all I say.
There's an old saying that "no good deed goes unpunished. If you don't want to be babysitting your parents for the rest of your life, you'd better put your foot down now. They're old enough to take care of themselves. As I see it anyway.
Rosey

I agree with Rosey. You need to define and stick to some reasonable boundaries.

I have 2 grown children. One is very responsible, the other a bum. I will gladly help out the responsible one, but not the bum. It seems your parents are playing the parts of irresponsible children. I suspect they will take every advantage of you until you are drained as dry as they are.

You might look into any senior services available in your community. A disinterested 3rd party might be able to help your parents face reality, solve some problems, and not get snarled into a self destructive mess like you face.

Good luck, and thank you for helping me see my parents in a better light.