[danceislife]

I'm a 17 year old girl diagnosed with predominately inattentive ADHD. To keep the story short i've been struggling with this disorder for a very long time, but didn't realize it was a struggle until I put a name to it. One day a little over a year ago I decided to google "why do I daydream so much" and many links came up about ADHD.

BOOM.

Clicking on the links on the topic was such a surreal moment. You know when you're talking to someone and you're trying to think of a word but you just can't put your finger on it. ADHD was the thing I couldn't quite put my finger on, and once my finger found it... it got worse. I was now fully aware of my day dreaming and I could now look back on my life and have a reason for so many things but oh my god it just got worse from there knowing I had it and suffering in silence. So fast forward a year and my ADD almost got my friends and I in a car accident. I wasn't even driving the car and my failure to listen (failure to hear really from being zoned out) put us in a very dangerous situation which made it clear to me that wanting to get help wasn't a selfish thing anymore, it would keep others around me safer.

I had a negative response from my family. I really don't want to get into the details because its a lot to type and I don't want to re live that time but just trust me that it was awful. I'm now on medication and it was life changing. I've had to switch medications now and its not effective at ALL but i have to wait until i can try the next trial dose that is a higher dose. But putting that aside, medication has made life better, but its not enough. After tests and assignments being on medication there was one thing left to fix. School. I've been able to study more, listen more in class discussions, but test taking has been incredibly hard because I miss the details which dock me marks big time. I had a conversation with my doctor and we made the decision for me to get extra time on tests. I gave the doctors note to my guidance counsellor and I know officially can be given extra time for tests and such. However, I have just gotten this approval or whatever now at the end of the semester, and I will be getting extra time for my final exams which start in a week. In terms of my friends in my class, seeing my friends in other classes after finishing the exam, and carpooling with people it will be obvious that I am getting extra time. I have chosen to start writing the exam with my class as my teacher will be there to answer any questions and then I will be escorted to the special ed exam room to finish my exam. I have no choice but to tell my friends that I am getting extra time but the reality is that I don't want to tell them.

I'm not ready to tell people I have ADHD.

The way I pictured it in my mind, I always thought that my first time telling people would be my roommates in university as having a quiet space is important for me and such... I have to tell people that i'm getting extra time but how do I tell them why? Should I just not tell them the reason and say I have an IEP orrrrrr? Can I not tell them I have it, and if I am telling them how do I even begin I don't want to give them my life story in terms of how it affects me, when I was diagnosed, why i'm getting extra time. I'M NOT READY TO TELL PEOPLE I HAVE ADHD.

So how to I go about this situation. I do not want to be judged and even if my close friends won't judge me I know that once people know that it will be different. People will be tempted to make comments, assume i'm acting strange if I'm "off my meds", and in the back of people's minds they will always be able to point out when my inattention is coming out. Thats scary and intimidating and i've already faced enough stigma with my own family and i'm not ready to face it with others... but I have no choice.

What do I do

I understand you. But there is nothing wrong of having ADHD. It is not something you choose. The fact that you may have extra time in exams, doesn't necessarily mean you have to use it. Try to finish with others. Just a thought.

[LacunaCoiler]

I dunno if I'm understanding you correctly, but why do you have to disclose anything to anyone? It's your ADHD and it's no one else business why you have extra time or not. You don't have to explain why you have extra time for assignments to anyone. If anyone asks and you feel compelled to say something, just tell them you and the teacher/professor talked and worked out something for you to have some extra time. If they continue to push the issue, just tell them it's personal and/or it's something between you and the teacher and do not wish to talk about it. There's no need to go into details if you don't want to.

Originally Posted by Are you suffering?

I dunno if I'm understanding you correctly, but why do you have to disclose anything to anyone? It's your ADHD and it's no one else business why you have extra time or not. You don't have to explain why you have extra time for assignments to anyone. If anyone asks and you feel compelled to say something, just tell them you and the teacher/professor talked and worked out something for you to have some extra time. If they continue to push the issue, just tell them it's personal and/or it's something between you and the teacher and do not wish to talk about it. There's no need to go into details if you don't want to.

I can feel the pressure. In schools students are very close. In college they are less so.

[avlady]

i also think you shouldn't have to tell anyone, i know close friends if they are true friends, would understand. i know true friends are hard to find too, so i can see why you would be concerned. i don't mean to be negative so please don't take it that way. i do hope if and when you tell someone they will understand. good luck

[NoId]

You obviously need a punding partner. A mentor even. It's terrible.

[danceislife]

Originally Posted by avlady

i also think you shouldn't have to tell anyone, i know close friends if they are true friends, would understand. i know true friends are hard to find too, so i can see why you would be concerned. i don't mean to be negative so please don't take it that way. i do hope if and when you tell someone they will understand. good luck

The only reason I feel so weird towards telling them is that i've known them all of high school (this is my senior year) and now at the end of the semester i'm getting extra time on the exam??? And this is so true... true friends are hard to come by so in terms of telling people that maybe i'm not too comfortable telling, its hard. So if I just say like hey i'm getting extra time on the final exam, after almost four years and the semester of not getting extra time... its hard to be like don't ask me why I am because they are my friends and they will be curious.

[danceislife]

Originally Posted by NoId

You obviously need a punding partner. A mentor even. It's terrible.

What is a punding partner?

[danceislife]

Originally Posted by Are you suffering?

I dunno if I'm understanding you correctly, but why do you have to disclose anything to anyone? It's your ADHD and it's no one else business why you have extra time or not. You don't have to explain why you have extra time for assignments to anyone. If anyone asks and you feel compelled to say something, just tell them you and the teacher/professor talked and worked out something for you to have some extra time. If they continue to push the issue, just tell them it's personal and/or it's something between you and the teacher and do not wish to talk about it. There's no need to go into details if you don't want to.

Thats true. Its just harder because i've known these people all of high school and I am quite close with them. So it will be a surprise to them as its in my senior year at the end of my first semester all of a sudden getting extra time. They will be curious and i'm hoping supportive but I really don't want to be telling people as I think its a personal issue that i'm not ready to expose yet.

[Miswimmy1]

Honestly, I don't think you need to go into much detail. I missed a year of high school due to other psychological issues and came back with a lot of accommodations (so it was obvious to everyone why I had extra time and such). However now that I'm in college, I had to make the decision to tell people. I understand that it's a fine line - it's something personal that you don't feel like sharing with everyone. For my first exam, I just told my friend (who was in the same class) - "Hey, good luck. I'll be taking the exam in another location, so don't worry about saving me a seat." Of course he asked why, and I just told him that I had a learning disability and it was a testing accommodation. And that was it. Most people will have the respect not to pry too deep or ask for details. I have ADHD but I usually use the term learning disability (because although it's not technically a learning disability, it certainly affects my ability to learn in the traditional academic environment). I've found that saying "learning disability" instead of ADHD leads to a lot less questions being asked. People understand the concept of a learning disability. However the term ADHD/ADD can raise some serious debate among people who deny that it is even a legit disorder. Then you find yourself getting into a debate about whether you truly need the accommodations and whatnot.

I guess if I had to give some specific advice:
- Share only with people that you feel comfortable sharing with. You don't have to explain yourself to anybody that you don't want to (besides like, teachers and the counselor and stuff)
- ADHD/ADD is not something to be ashamed about. It's just a cognitive difference. And a good friend will accept you for who you are, even if they don't understand ADHD/ADD.

Oh just one other tip - I would avoid saying "personal issue". I did that for a while and you have no idea how many rumors came back to me. I heard talk that I was dealing with everything from mono to a cancer diagnosis. If you leave it so vague, people will usually assume the worst. If you are going to choose not to tell them, I think it's a good idea to simply say, "I have indivudal circumstances which allow me to have testing accommodations. Don't worry - it's nothing serious. Please understand that I do not want to go too much in detail". And any polite person will not ask questions.

[Claire2015]

Hey DanceIsLife i don't think you should be ashamed of having ADHD, it's just a unique thought process. I don't have it but i tell my friend who has got it that she isn't weird or stupid, she should think of it as getting a computer without a manual. Non-ADHD'ers have been given a manual so knowing how to do tasks is easier or comes naturally. However for ADHD'ers you gotta make your own manual, try things and see what works and doesn't work for you.

I wish i had ADHD due to the fact the BEST people have it. Anyone who has ADHD is gifted as you can multitask 24/7 even when you're asleep! People with ADHD are spontaneous, compassionate and interesting people. So if you build the confidence to tell your friends tell them your brain works in a really cool way just like Justin Timberlake or Einstein. Explain the positives to them so they don't make their own assumptions.

If they ask you questions embrace that opportunity to show them how you can strategically elaborate your thoughts like a jigsaw. Whilst they may only think of one thing you could be planning your future in a 100 different scenarios.

Again it's up to you whether you tell them or not, my friend felt comfortable to tell me and she didn't go round bragging bout it or being terrified to say it but she knew the pros and cons of it and still told me anyway. Take a risk and see how it goes.

Your parents might be ashamed of the fact they have it and deny it because up until like 20 years ago ADHD didn't exist it was just "badly behaved kids that needed to be disciplined" but don't stop that from telling them as you need to take control of your life and whether they support you or not just know that you got TONNES of people on here that understand you

All the best

Claire

[Nike007]

Hello. I'm just a year younger than you, but I have similar situation with anxiety. One of my friends has ADHD, depression and just told me. I just said I have anxiety and OCD, because it's true. We talk about it all the time. I'm sure people overhear our conversation but I don't really care as long as people don't ask me about it. I have an IEP so I have extra time, write in a separate room, use a computer... I tell people I have an IEP and they understand. It just means I'm identified with one of the 10+ categories they have. I don't remember the exact amount. I'm in Canada, so it's a bit different than the states. Giftedness is a category for us.

Anyways, I know that telling everyone may make people jealous of you because you have an "unfair advantage" but for me, I'd trade my anxiety to be considered in a "normal" range.

I personally would want to know to help my friend the best I can. I'm trying to help my friend with ADHD the best I can. Anyways, hope this helps .

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[alwaysin6thgear]

Originally Posted by danceislife

I'm a 17 year old girl diagnosed with predominately inattentive ADHD. To keep the story short i've been struggling with this disorder for a very long time, but didn't realize it was a struggle until I put a name to it. One day a little over a year ago I decided to google "why do I daydream so much" and many links came up about ADHD.

BOOM.

Clicking on the links on the topic was such a surreal moment. You know when you're talking to someone and you're trying to think of a word but you just can't put your finger on it. ADHD was the thing I couldn't quite put my finger on, and once my finger found it... it got worse. I was now fully aware of my day dreaming and I could now look back on my life and have a reason for so many things but oh my god it just got worse from there knowing I had it and suffering in silence. So fast forward a year and my ADD almost got my friends and I in a car accident. I wasn't even driving the car and my failure to listen (failure to hear really from being zoned out) put us in a very dangerous situation which made it clear to me that wanting to get help wasn't a selfish thing anymore, it would keep others around me safer.

I had a negative response from my family. I really don't want to get into the details because its a lot to type and I don't want to re live that time but just trust me that it was awful. I'm now on medication and it was life changing. I've had to switch medications now and its not effective at ALL but i have to wait until i can try the next trial dose that is a higher dose. But putting that aside, medication has made life better, but its not enough. After tests and assignments being on medication there was one thing left to fix. School. I've been able to study more, listen more in class discussions, but test taking has been incredibly hard because I miss the details which dock me marks big time. I had a conversation with my doctor and we made the decision for me to get extra time on tests. I gave the doctors note to my guidance counsellor and I know officially can be given extra time for tests and such. However, I have just gotten this approval or whatever now at the end of the semester, and I will be getting extra time for my final exams which start in a week. In terms of my friends in my class, seeing my friends in other classes after finishing the exam, and carpooling with people it will be obvious that I am getting extra time. I have chosen to start writing the exam with my class as my teacher will be there to answer any questions and then I will be escorted to the special ed exam room to finish my exam. I have no choice but to tell my friends that I am getting extra time but the reality is that I don't want to tell them.

I'm not ready to tell people I have ADHD.

The way I pictured it in my mind, I always thought that my first time telling people would be my roommates in university as having a quiet space is important for me and such... I have to tell people that i'm getting extra time but how do I tell them why? Should I just not tell them the reason and say I have an IEP orrrrrr? Can I not tell them I have it, and if I am telling them how do I even begin I don't want to give them my life story in terms of how it affects me, when I was diagnosed, why i'm getting extra time. I'M NOT READY TO TELL PEOPLE I HAVE ADHD.

So how to I go about this situation. I do not want to be judged and even if my close friends won't judge me I know that once people know that it will be different. People will be tempted to make comments, assume i'm acting strange if I'm "off my meds", and in the back of people's minds they will always be able to point out when my inattention is coming out. Thats scary and intimidating and i've already faced enough stigma with my own family and i'm not ready to face it with others... but I have no choice.

What do I do

Whats difficult in your situation is that your young (17), you worry a lot about what other people think, worry about being accepted or rejected, you want to fit in and not be judged. To me the words "being judged" "hater" "racist" have become way over used and misused. There is nothing to be ashamed about having ADHD, I'm 53 and went un-diagnosed until I was 38. Prior to that my life was basically hell, when I was your age very little was known about ADHD, that term did not exist. I was called the usual lazy, stupid, unmotivated, never listened, disrespectful ect. There are probably more kids in your school that have than you realize. In my opinion I would just do what your doing and unless someone brings it up you have a choice. You can say it's none of your business, which could result in your friends making far fetched assumptions or just say " my ADHD makes it difficult for me to concentrate and focus and it's really bad during tests" , I would obviously go with the latter and leave it at that. If they judge you then so-what? ADHD is a complicated disorder that can be very difficult for people to understand if they don't have it. Chances are that some of those same family members that treat you negatively or label you have it themselves. ADHD does get it's negative press largely due to the fact that it is over diagnosed in kids. Doctors, teachers and parents are quick to label there kid ADHD if they lose focus, act up ect. most of time it's just a kid being a kid and a teacher or parent with no patients. If you are in a situation where you have admit you have ADHD and you get a negative reaction then you'll know who your real friends are. Your 17, chances are when your reach college you won't be as close to those friends as you are now. I have slowly cut many family members out of my life do to there ignorance about ADHD. Having ADHD, to me is no different than any other medical issue such as Asthma, Diabeties, Heart issues ect. Your ADHD will not prevent you from becoming successful as many who have ADHD are highly intelligent. We think differently, process information differently than non-ADDer's and usually better. Look at it as your fortunate you were diagnosed at a young age, unlike me. If I had been diagnosed at your age my life would have definitely turned out much differently. Although getting diagnosed at 38 was a relief the judgement and labels I received prior to that never went away. I know this is easier said than done but try not to worry to much over this. If you feel pressured into divulging to you friend(s) as to why you are taking that extra time, just give them little information, no reason to go into detail and move on. I would also educate yourself as much as you can about ADHD as the more you know the easier it will be to deal with it. The lake of support from family is usually the hardest and that is most likely due to the lack of knowledge and education about ADHD. Most of the time they get little bits of info from someone who knows someone who has it or has a kid that has it. As you get older you won't worry as much about being judged or labeled. I'm sure someone will read this post and judge me based on spelling or grammar errors, so what? I don't let someones shallow opinion define me.

[jbuttz]

Today is opposite day and I don't have adhd! I do funny things like that

[Imprenotimmature]

I would just walk up to them and tell them I have ADHD. if they freak out and abandon you or something they aren't true friends

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by danceislife

So how to I go about this situation. I do not want to be judged and even if my close friends won't judge me I know that once people know that it will be different. People will be tempted to make comments, assume i'm acting strange if I'm "off my meds", and in the back of people's minds they will always be able to point out when my inattention is coming out. Thats scary and intimidating and i've already faced enough stigma with my own family and i'm not ready to face it with others... but I have no choice.

What do I do

It's your health; you have the right to not tell people anything at all. You can say "I don't want to discuss it" and make it stick. But when you do tell them you have ADD, it probably won't be as bad as you think it's going to be; ADD is pretty typical and people are usually very tolerant of it.

[PigsMusicAndLove]

I had a similar anxiety toward telling people when I was diagnosed also (especially at work). I talked to my psychologist about it and after discussing the issue I felt much better. Similar to you, I was nervous about what people would think and say. I realized that talking openly with people about it would help because I could educate them about ADHD so they wouldn't have those questions in the back of their mind. It not only allowed me to spread awareness and decrease stigma, but also helped me to be more comfortable and really own that aspect of my life. Talking openly with friends also helped to decrease the anxiety of wondering what they were thinking. If your friends don't support you, then are they really that great of friends? On how to tell them, you could still do it in a quite, private place and just explain that this is something you are struggling with and would like their support in your journey to improving yourself. If they say something that hurts your feelings, explain to them that it did (they may not realize that what they did/said offended you). If they are truly your friends, they should understand and would probably be grateful that you shared this part of your life with them. (Also, they may already know and just say.. oooohhhh that explains it.. just like the response you had when you figured it out.) For me, it helped to use comedy when talking to some people. For instance, when I told me dad, I said.."So, apparently I have ADHD.. who knew?" and laughed, which made him laugh. (Ive always been very energetic and sorts, so the diagnosis made complete sense.) I wish you luck on your journey!