[Claire2015]

Sorry to be a nuisance posting another thread about my friend but she mean's a lot to me and i want her to be happy instead of ignoring her needs for others.

Don't get me wrong i love helping others out and putting them first but i realise when i need to take care of myself or if i'm just trying to please others by ignoring what i like and dislike. I stumbled along Emotional Dysphoria and ADHD in a post online and it got me wondering if my friend has this trait.

My friend has a tendancy to say/do/act a certain way in order to fit in with 'the norm' this goes as far as her pretending to support football teams she doesn't like and ignoring what she wants to do if someone she likes/loves disproves of it.... Which makes me wonder is she scared to stand out, be unique and honest to herself or is she trying to fit in by pretending to be compatible to those she puts on a pedastool.

At one point she put me on a pedastool but soon realised that if our friendship didn't last she would be resentful of having a close friendship. ( i personally think i'm not a good enough friend to her i feel like i am an old friend now../ her new friends seem alot more cooler and prettier anywho....)

She always neglects her needs for others in an attempt to please them but always feel burnt out. How can i help her get out of that habit or failing that encourage her to express herself without being judged or criticised? Can anyone relate?

Thanks

Claire

[Skeezyks]

Hello Claire: The Skeezyks doesn't know that he has much of anything in particular to offer with regard to this. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. Thanks for striving to be a friend to this person. Yes, some people simply feel so empty inside, & have so little self confidence, they feel they must subjugate their own needs & wants to those of others. And, yes, it's a lot of work to do this all the time.

I'd have to say I don't know that there's much you can do here especially since, as you say, you've become sort-of an old friend rather than a new one. I think about all you can do is to keep in touch... keep the lines of communication open so your friend knows you're there for her. Be available to talk with her & support her if-&-when she wants it. At some point, she's likely to tire of always trying to be someone she's not in order to please others. When that time comes she'll need someone to offer support. At least these are my thoughts...

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Claire: The Skeezyks doesn't know that he has much of anything in particular to offer with regard to this. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. Thanks for striving to be a friend to this person. Yes, some people simply feel so empty inside, & have so little self confidence, they feel they must subjugate their own needs & wants to those of others. And, yes, it's a lot of work to do this all the time.

I'd have to say I don't know that there's much you can do here especially since, as you say, you've become sort-of an old friend rather than a new one. I think about all you can do is to keep in touch... keep the lines of communication open so your friend knows you're there for her. Be available to talk with her & support her if-&-when she wants it. At some point, she's likely to tire of always trying to be someone she's not in order to please others. When that time comes she'll need someone to offer support. At least these are my thoughts...

Thank you so much for the reply thank you for taking the time to read my post i really appreciate it it is a lot of work to do all the time which can be draining and i find i let my guard down which is normally when the arguments happen and i retaliate badly which is my fault but it's hard to be on the page with her sometimes. I really appreciate your thoughts thank you

Thanks

Claire

[-jimi-]

Some people simply likes to socialize and for them it matters less what they socialize over. Some people don't function well alone, they need others around them most of the time. And with that comes some sacrifices.