[Arwen_78]

Once again the school year has come upon us and the same old fear has been placed in me. "I not good enough to pass that class, why did I take it?", "It's going to be crazy with working and studying... how will I make it through!" and my favorite "How could a dummie like me have made it this far?". They almost stop me from performing! Why in the world do this fears happen before I even know about the class itself?

Last Spring I had to take a computer programming logic class. I had no idea about any other computer programming code but HTML. I ended up getting a B but should have had an A. Yet, because of stupid mistakes and not really reading through the code before turning it in I got a B. Most of the not taking the time to check was due to working right up to the deadline. I found myself doing that alot but don't know where the time goes. As I'm sure most if that time I planned to do the work I was on Facebook, that or played games on the iPad. Then I would rush to finish the work to make the deadline.

Admittedly I work more hours than I maybe I should but I don't want to lose what I have till I leave on my own and on good terms. I have question that maybe I should quit as I want to get my degree over and done with. Then my boyfriends gives me the reasons I shouldn't quit and I agree he is right. The biggest part is I need to work even if I quit because how will I handle internships?

I know a lot of my problems come from time management. I think I've done all I can physically to help myself. I know medications are not always the answer but I think I might need them more than I know. I was on them when I was a kid and had a hard time dealing with being on Adderall as a teen, which puts me off going on them! Sorry if it seems like every post I post is the same question only worded differently. I'm working on not do that.

What isn't great is we, the boyfriend and I, think he could have been missed as a child and is ADD/ADHD. He isn't a social butterfly nor is he very hyber. It takes me to nearly drag him out of our apartment to go or do most things. He hadn't many friends growing up, mostly because of how shy he is. He would be happy sitting at home doing nothing than go for a walk and maybe stop for a drink on a nice summer evening. He is different when we are vacationing. We walked the beach every night as the sunset in San Juan last Spring. The thing that I see is his over reacting sometimes.

We don't fight a lot... we actually try not to. Mostly because we both know we can over react about silly stuff. We fight when he helps me with homework. I know he knows a lot about the area I ask for help in but I can't help myself sometimes, it feels like he is talking to me like I'll never understand it. I hate myself when I fight with him, as I wouldn't dream of doing it to a tutor I didn't know.

I know I need help and I'm seeking a pdoc as I haven't been to one since the age of 19, in fact my childhood pdoc passed away last year. I've pretty much come to terms that medication might be good for me. My boyfriend, who goes to The University of Ohio State, tells me that if I could find a away to take even just 1 credit hour at OSU they have free mental health insurance for te students. Problem is being able to get admitted to OSU and the money. Might just be cheaper for me to go without or buy some if they medicate me? Now, he is thinking about seeing someone too. Maybe he should go free since he has it first then we can find something fr me.

[gayleggg]

I would suggest that you try to stay in the moment and not look to far into the future. This will keep you grounded. Maybe make a schedule for studying vs. being of facebook. Give yourself some structure. Glad you are going to see a pdoc, maybe he can help with your anxiety as well.
Good luck. I know you can do it. Just do it one step at a time.
Gayle

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I would suggest that you try to stay in the moment and not look to far into the future. This will keep you grounded. Maybe make a schedule for studying vs. being of facebook. Give yourself some structure. Glad you are going to see a pdoc, maybe he can help with your anxiety as well.
Good luck. I know you can do it. Just do it one step at a time.
Gayle

That is some really good advice. Like for me one of the things I have been realizing about myself is that when something new is upon me I start thinking of many many possibilities. I start thinking so much I will lose site of what I am doing. So now I am trying to be aware of myself when this starts happening and I try to bring myself back to the moment. Not stuck in the future.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by Maus5321

That is some really good advice. Like for me one of the things I have been realizing about myself is that when something new is upon me I start thinking of many many possibilities. I start thinking so much I will lose site of what I am doing. So now I am trying to be aware of myself when this starts happening and I try to bring myself back to the moment. Not stuck in the future.

funny that you say that because I'm the total opposite. I don't think at all. The first idea that pops into my head, and its like whoosh and I'm off. I have a hard time thinking ahead because I live completely in the present. I am curious, are you ADD- with or without hyperactivity? In other words, are you ADD or ADHD?

[SunnySky]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I would suggest that you try to stay in the moment and not look to far into the future.

Not that tattoos are for me or someone else, but my ADD friend has a tattoo on her wrist, "Now."

[SunnySky]

Originally Posted by SunnySky

Not that tattoos are for me or someone else, but my ADD friend has a tattoo on her wrist, "Now."

As I am recently diagnosed (51yo!), this is all intriguing.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Arwen_78

Most of the not taking the time to check was due to working right up to the deadline. I found myself doing that alot but don't know where the time goes. As I'm sure most if that time I planned to do the work I was on Facebook, that or played games on the iPad. Then I would rush to finish the work to make the deadline.

I was using social media and game playing to avoid the feelings of anxiety from studying. I fixed that by confronting my anxieties (especially reading textbooks) and hammering out a way to study that worked for me. All through school we get taught "how" to study but that may/may not work for one, especially when one gets older. You know yourself best (or should :-) so figure out how your "package" of self would like to study, why, what you could use what you are studying for (sometimes just as practice so when you are studying another course you care about more, it will be easier).

For example, I have been on the Internet since 1991 and forums like these since the mid-1990's/WYSIWYG. I've posted and responded to a whole lot of conversations and all that has honed my thinking and writing? Almost all of my school courses since then have online and have required 4-5 papers be written and all those paper-writing classes have taught me how to write also. So, my ability to express myself in writing has been getting better and better. I know that and remember that and use that in my courses to both study (I make up essays and do a lot of online reading/writing instead of textbook reading now) and give myself confidence that I will do fine in a course/final exam, etc.

Now I don't worry too much about textbooks; yeah, I read headings and various sections that interest me but I treat them as if I were looking at the Internet; I skip around and look at pictures and go to the actual Internet to look up stuff I don't understand that interests me, etc. I "play" with the subjects I'm studying and when I get assigned a paper, I'm thrilled at the challenge, I live now to write papers :-) But the whole schedule thing, the read pages 237-294 by Tuesday thing, I sort of ignore. I make my own list of what those pages appear to be about and I research them myself, some in more depth and some just enough to see how the whole fits together and why the "experts" might be thinking I should know that stuff.

Use the B when you wanted an A to motivate yourself. I did that with accounting, got a B (only 9 points away from an A), was in the middle of the final exam with a problem just beyond what I could remember how to do and wishing I had studied just a moment more. It's all for you; your boyfriend, mother, teacher, no one else really matters or cares if you do well, it won't directly impact them like it will you!

What do you want; keep that in your head at all times. If you want that degree, that's what you are working on and what you want to keep remembering and working toward. It does not matter if you get it early, late, slowly, whatever, it is what you are working on for you. Other people are doing other things for themselves and how long they take, what they are doing, what they want or think of your plan is not important.

[bluebird2]

Have an internet hug from a stranger!

Sounds like you're going through some struggles, and hope that things work out for the best for you and your boyfriend.

[Arwen_78]

Thanks Bluebird! I've had a bit of a ruff Monday and it's all over stupid silly stuff. Like not showing up to class earlier to re claim my seat from the first class. I picked one near by but ended up where the teacher would walk in front off what she was writing on the overhead... had such a hard time keeping up and following along!

Next, I've decided that the stuff I usually just push to the side that drives my crazy actually still drives me as crazy as it would when I was younger. I just now know I need help big time.