[LogicandJeans]

I joined a new workplace 2 weeks ago. The rest of the team are women around my age. There is always some sort of assumed cultural identity that women of the same age and culture are supposed to share and I stand out like a sore thumb. I just tend to feel weird. Usually in workplaces there is a mix: some males and some people who are older or from another culture. That means that my oddities aren't as obvious because people attribute some of my behaviour to me being in a different cultural group to them.

I sat in a team-building morning tea the other day feeling really bored while the other girls enjoyed talking about dresses and various fabrics. I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I don't know how anyone can keep up with all these fabric names and brand names and types of ways that dresses fall.

Sometimes I just get that old feeling back where I wish I could just fit in. I've never wanted to be the centre of attention, just to not feel like I'm noticed for being different. It's a weird little war, where I wish I could take the good things about myself and keep them and discard the bad things. But it doesn't work like that. No matter what I do, I'll always be odd and the things that I like about myself (the way I analyse things, my writing, reading and love of looking around me and thinking about things) are part of what makes me different from other girls my age. Knowing that I would lose those things if I were to be part of the normal social group doesn't stop me from envying the girls around me: they just seem to have a happy, carefree life with lots of friends surrounding them.

I met one girl who I really felt a connection with and formed a close bond with, but she went back to Germany. It's weird feeling kind of alone again now... My husband and I are close friends and we talk a lot and get along really well, but it's just not the same as having a close female friend. To most other people I'm nice and they like me fine, but I'm not someone people go out of their way to include or stay in contact with... If someone else is there, they usually prefer to talk to them. I'm not good in group conversations... can't find my way in, so I sit outside looking in wanting to be accepted, but always falling short.

[birdcrazy]

A lot of times people will look superficially happy, that is the way people are suppose to act. That is probably one of the reasons why when people say "How are you today?" you are just suppose to say "fine, how are you?"

I'm the type when someone says "How are you today?" I say "I feel like crap because....". Basically what I have found is if you can't act happy all the time, like I can't, then people won't want to be around you. In fact, I avoid unhappy people too.

So remember, those other women may seem happy, but might really not be.

Heh, I can have a good conversation with one other person, I learned when to talk, but when other people are talking and I want to join in, I can't figure out where to insert myself exactly and I end up interrupting or I give up and sit in the corner and shake my leg out of nervousness.

[Michah]

Hi sweet pea,

I hear what you are saying.......it seems that it is most evident when we are around people, or that is what I observe

I have close female friends, but it seems even then I have to remove myself. I would be lucky if I contact them once a month. I just don't think of it, yet crave some intimacy with them. I have a theory........seeing as I am constantly stimulated by things that challenge me, I find it very difficult to relate to people who are not as internally fascinated. I often think that my mind is so consuming that it takes some really interesting scenario to pull me out of it. I tend to find academics, philosophers or artists very interesting.

At the end of the day, I get bored easily. And if you are in a staff meeting and they are talking about fashion and so on, well, I would be annoyed too It is work, not talk about silly things time......although fashion can be a very interesting subject in itself.

Take care babe........

Mics

Hello, LogicandJeans. I do not do chit chat very well. Sometimes, I talk just to see if anyone can relate to what is important to me. I am comfortable not talking.

This article sums up my philosophy: http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

[LogicandJeans]

Thanks for the responses and thanks for that piece TheByzantine. It had some good points.

Take care everyone

[possum220]

Just relax when at work. These other people may hay been working for months/years. It will take time but eventually you wont feel like the new kid on the block and you will find a friend.

Maybe you haven't seen them yet because they are quiet too.