[BNLsMOM]

My son is 8 years old and lately I have thought that he displays a lot of warning signs of Aspergers. I won't go into details, but he has an appointment with his pediatrician today and he didn't rule it out.

He also noticed that my son has nystagmus (his eyes shake involuntarily when turned to the sides). He mentioned that this might be a part of it and wants my son to see a neurologist.

Can anyone share experiences of their children being diagnosed with Aspergers and if nystagmus was a part of it?

I am very worried.

My son was diagnosed with Autism/Asperger's when he was...6 or 7?? He will be 10 next week. He has had some visual issues (dyslexia), but not nystagmus.

I had known for a LONG time...like since he was an infant...that something was going on, and by the time he was 2, I was almost positive that it was a autism spectrum disorder. Since we homeschool, I didn't feel like we "needed" a diagnosis, so we just treated the symptoms - changed his diet to deal with food sensitivities (no gluten/dairy/artificial colors) and started working with a nutritionist, started occupational therapy to deal with sensory issues, etc. By the time he was 6 or 7, I realized that we needed a diagnosis for various reasons - one of which was so we would have the language to explain to him what was going on. We didn't want him to think he was "bad" or "stupid" or whatever...we wanted him to know that he had Asperger's, and that while that makes him unique, it doesn't make him "less than".

We emphasize the positive of having Asperger's while acknowledging the negative. He is very proud of his perseverance, and of his deep knowledge of certain subjects. He loves that he has the ability to figure things out that would be very difficult for other people. He knows that social skills and managing his temper are areas of difficulty for him, and that that is part of Asperger's. It seems like he's less likely to judge himself harshly when he can put it in that context.

Getting a diagnosis can be really scary, and it can be really helpful (both at the same time!!)

to you!

[BNLsMOM]

If he has it, he is still my sweet son.

It will explain a lot of difficulty he has had at school. He was tested for dyslexia and some other learning disabilities last year which started this whole thing for us. He probably has ADHD too.

I am afraid that I won't be able to provide him the environment he would need because I have mental illness (possible diagnoses include, bipolar, OCD, ADHD, and psychosis) that is in and out of stability. From what I read, kids with Aspergers need stable routines to function well. He may have ADHD either instead or in conjunction with Aspergers. He also suffers from anxiety and depression, and a developmental delay called retained asymetrical tonic neck reflex.

I have read about nystagmus and I hope it is just innocuous because the other possibilities are grim.

I want him to have a good life with happiness and joy. I am just afraid that I wouldn't be able to provide him with what he needs.

[Callista]

You're in therapy yourself, right? So, your therapist can probably help you with this part of it, too--being a good parent, helping your son with whatever environment is best for him. After all, mental illness doesn't occur in isolation; it's part of an entire family system, and for you, your family includes your son. You aren't alone; parenting would be hard with or without ADHD and Asperger's in the picture. Mention the problem to your therapist, and ask whether they might be able to either directly help you, or find a family therapist, child psychologist, or other specialist on family and parenting that you can talk to about making your son's childhood envirnoment the best it can possibly be.

Incidentally, I think perhaps your own diagnoses give you somewhat of an advantage: You know what it's like to be different; it doesn't feel horrible and foreign to you because it's part of your own life. You can understand what it's like to be a little bit on the outside of things, and that's one of the experiences your son will probably be having himself, especially during his teen years. There are a heck of a lot of parents who either go into denial or try to push their kids into a "you-must-be-normal" ideal child mold; and at the very least, you won't be doing that, because you know that being different from others is neither bad nor wrong nor does it make you inferior; and you've already come out and said that you know he's still the same kid you love and always will love, whatever label he has... Some autistics I've talked to have parents who never even got past that point. Believe me, being neurodiverse yourself is an advantage for you.