Hi... Im new

Hello... Im new I believe I have Aspergers/Autism ... I took the online test and scored 37 ... then I began to read posts in here... It was like reading my life story... This has prompted me to go to my GP and ask for a proper diagnosis which she is doing... Autism explains so much of how and why my life was/is a mess... I always thought of myself as a social misfit... I never felt comfortable in groups or in social settings... school was a living nightmare for me... I was "different" and was bullied very badly... I always played on my own in the playground... all I remember is confusion and too many people ... and fear... my life has been dogged by fear and anxiety... and Im no different to this day.
My Sister is married with kids... 2 of which are severly Autistic and it has since been discovered that it is in the family ... maybe going back generations... It was watching her kids that I saw simularities in my own childhood behaviour...
This explains so much to me about me and why I never "fitted in" .. and why I prefered to be on my own ... I used to go into my Mom's room and stay in the cubbyhole my dad made there as an extra attic space... I would be in there for hours... preferring in there to playing in the street with other kids... I could list hundreds of simular things... My GP said that I displayed classic autistic traits... and is setting up an assessment... All I want is to understand myself better and to make sense of a life of confusion and maybe to have some kind of help... Posting this is a first for me... I read a lot of other people's posts and identify with them... but i have never written like this before... so bear with me if things are coming out sort of tumbled... Thank-you for this site.

Welcome!

thank-you

Thank-you Maybe now I can finally make some sense of myself and my life

Hello Ysana welcome to the forum. I understand how you feel as
i took the online score and got 40 so i have to see my g.p too
as i have traits like these so well done for going to them.

Thank-you so much for replying... for years I have lived in confusion... not knowing how to react... being afraid to meet new people... being and feeling out of things in social settings... actually not wanting to be there... never getting a proper job... I can't work in a team... I always do things by myself or at most with one other person ... I play an online game... and I solo everything... the only timme im in a group is with a hireling... I hate groups... I like to quest alone and in a way the same goes for my life... pardon if Im not saying what is in my head right... sometimes what i think in my head and what comes out are different... Hell... quantum mechanics is easier!!! I had to give up my degree Uni life was difficult... trying to fit in... acting my way through ... I always picked people up wrong... said the wrong things... acted stupid... I was gawky socially... akward... and out of place... Alone... I was me... Alone I was safe... sorry.. "am" safe... I live so much in my own head sometimes I don't want to come out... I used to label myself as wierd... Im not wierd... Im Autistic...

I can totally relate. I especially identify with the word jumble. I mean something in a good way but the norms take what I say in opposition of my intention. Very frustrating.

I know how you feel, in a way. I've never been as extreme as hiding in a cubbyhole, but I do recognize a lot of the same feelings. I can count on my hands the number of friends I have at any one time; partly because I'm too awkward in social situations to be forward and make new friends, and partly because I can't recognize when something I say might be perceived as insensitive or rude. I prefer to be alone a lot of the time, and every day I plug in my headphones and take off my glasses, so I can block out the world and just enjoy some solitude. There are times I want to talk to friends, but I try to hold back because I talk and talk and talk about the same couple things and I don't want to annoy them.

I've always felt... different... from everyone. I'm ashamed to say that there are quite a few times where I feel downright narcissistic because I get things so easily when others don't, and I feel like everyone else in school always acts so childish.

I also play an online multiplayer game, but my experiences are different. I feel free online, in a way that I never can face to face. I'm social, outgoing, funny, and everybody always looks forward to me. I can't start a conversation to save my life, and I still sometimes say things at the wrong time, but I feel like a completely different person when I get online.

I too took the online ASD test here and scored a 36 or 37, I can't remember exactly. My brother has been all but officially diagnosed with Asperger's, which inspired me to take the test in the first place. It's probably good to find out now, if I do indeed have Asperger's as well, what with high school graduation at the end of the month and college beginning in the fall... I'm normally so logical, but when it comes to this I get so stressed out and shut down... there's still so much to do but I start to feel overwhelmed and shut down whenever I think about it >.<

Anyway... I could go on and on about this; I haven't really talked to anyone at all about it, but I don't want to derail your thread to do it. Welcome to PC, and there's definitely lots of good people here who understand what's going on and are there for you!

Welcome!