[krisakira]

I won't go into details, so i don't trigger too much, but both my parents abused me growing up. My dad more than my mom, and I have a good relationship with my mom, but not my dad. I've accepted he may never be who I need him to be, and have set my boundaries.

Well, a few weeks ago, I was on the phone with my mom, and she said she thinks my dad has Asperger's Syndrome. I researched the symptoms, and my dad seems to fit nearly all of them. Such as: problems with social skills (he has no friends, and hates big gatherings), unusual preoccupations (he is obsessed with dates and genealogy), limited range of interests, and he is very talented in music, although he says he has no "passion" for it, he is just really good at it.

While I can see he may have this... I have this feeling they're trying to excuse what my dad did to me by saying he has Aspergers. But last I heard, there's no symptom that says "abuses their children"!

Sure, I can see that he has been emotionally distant, and doesn't know how to say things, and never understands anyones feelings... But if that was it, I could accept it and move on... But he abused me emotionally and physically and there is no excuse for that.

Either way, I can understand that if he has Asperger's then thats why he acts and does certain things. That part doesn't make him a bad person at all. What makes him bad is that he hurt me... and doesn't care..

[krisakira]

Any thoughts on this?

[Resident Bipolar]

My father always got angry very easily and turned on me and all sorts...he has traits of Aspergers but has never been diagnosed.

[SomedayWriter]

Likewise, my father would get angry very quickly, especially if he lost control of a situation, and he too has many characteristics of aspergers (though he has never been diagnosed and I doubt he ever will). I wouldn't call what he did to me abuse (slapped and spanked, primarily, which was basically the 'acceptable' stuff for when I grew up), but I definitely lived in fear of his temper.

You're absolutely right that having a condition that *may* have made him more prone to be abusive doesn't excuse the behavior. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with the aftereffects of that though.

[justsomegirl]

I'm really sorry you had to deal with that growing up. Even though he might have Aspergers, that certainly is no excuse for what he did to you.

I've been dating a guy who has Aspergers for almost a year. Unfortunately, he has a bad temper and can be verbally/emotionally abusive. He has been physically abusive in the past. I'm still trying to get over his past actions. It's hard to forget, you know? But while he has some really bad faults, he's also incredibly sweet, loving, extremely generous, thoughtful, and smart.

[d4000h]

My husband has Aspergers and so does my son, I have been married for 10 years and although my husband has never hit me, I have always lived in fear of his temper - anything could set it off and half the time I think HE does not know what the problem is! It is extremely stressful and has taken its toll on me as I have been referred to a psychiatrist