Boys with asd

Hi is any one out there have any children boys to be exact,who as ASD, my son is 8 and he is has ASD, i would like to know how you dicipline him, because i'am at the end of my tether with him.

gismo, I don't see anyone responding so far. I wonder if there are some books on this topic.

Thankyou Payne, know i don't see any one responding either, but thank's any way.

Hey there, my son is only 4,so I expect an 8 year old is different...
He has been in ABA since he was 2, so luckily I have help with his discipline. He's had 2 periods of head banging and he responded well to planned ignoring (which can be hard on the mama! ). He also does well with reinforcements.
Hang in there!

Hi Gismo my son is 11 and was diagnosed with Asperger's last year but dicipline is not an issue because he is way too placid compared to his younger brother ,its the social side is heart breaking as a mother . I will say I was attending the ASD post diagnostic group for weeks and they spoke of discipline and once you tell your son his behaviour is not very nice and he will have some form of time out (not punishment) try look him right in the eye hard I know explain he has dont or said something that is not acceptable and ask him to go to his room or take a toy away for 5 mins ,I know all kids are different so you will know when and what to use so he know's you mean what your saying .Good Luck hun Im thinking of you .XXXX

Although my son was only dx with Aspergers in grade 4 I saw something was different for him when he was a baby. He had unusual strength and could hurt his 2 year old brother even at 6 months. He would bang his head repeatedly on hard surfaces - sensory issues. Very little eye contact, refused hugs or to be held. Growing up we had a lot of tears, and a lot of heart to heart talks. Sometimes I made the biggest mistakes and other times we had awesome outcomes. Something I realized was he took things very literally in a very unrealistic way - lousy with figure of speech, cliches - this led to many many misunderstandings and anxiety. It was next to impossible to discuss misunderstandings with him - everyone was out to get him. He could be extremely violent, I actually locked my bedroom door at night (partly due to being triggered from my own past abuse), but also to have some warning should he try anything. He'd punch holes in the walls and I'd make him repair them with me at a very slow rate - could last several weeks so he'd hopefully get tired of making holes. Our situation came to a turning point when he threw his backpack at my head at the end of grade 8. We had talked about possibly needing to make other living arrangements, months earlier, so I very calmly told him he would now go live with his dad. He said "I know" and went to pack his bags. I had to let him go as continuing to function this way was out of the question. it was heart wrenching. I was fortunate to have people at my workplace who were experienced with children with aspergers. They were so supportive even when we all didn't know which way this was going to go. I knew he might choose to never come back. I told him I loved him and wanted him to live with me but there were things that needed to happen first.

- he needed to be on his meds (had gone off them secretly) and had to stay on them once he came back. It took at least 2 weeks to stablize to a place where one could reason with him.
- he needed to be in therapy at least for 6 weeks (I felt I needed that much time to regroup) and had to be willing to continue after coming home. his dad refused to take him to therapy so I'd pick him up and drop him off.
- there could be absolutely no more violence or he would be back with his dad in a flash. zero tolerance.

The first few days my son would call and ask if he could come home, he didn't want to live with his dad (same personality as him). Why Why Why I had to be consistent with my expectations or he'd become confused and start to argue so just kept repeating the above lines verbatim, then say goodbye and go find other things to do. The first few days were hard on me too - how could I as a mother do this to my son. But I knew it couldn't ever be like it was before.

My son decided to step up to the plate. He went to reality therapy with a behavior therapist, learned common sense and to understand that others have feelings too. I could not have done this on my own because we had become far too enmeshed emotionally. All the pleading, the threats, the violence took its toll.

In the beginning of living at his dad's, we stopped by my place after therapy sometimes but he wasn't feeling safe with himself to come inside so stayed in the car. sometimes we'd go shoot pool or go out for icecream after. I'd always tell him I love him. damm I'm crying.

There was a huge hole in the living room wall that had happened just a few days before the backpack situation. When my son came home after 6 weeks, we set about fixing it together. One thin layer at a time. After 3 weeks of fixing, about every other day, he said, "I'm so tired of this already. I don't want to do this any more." Finally we could talk about how we could help this not to happen again. After it was all fixed, whenever he'd get frustrated, my son would go up to that spot and put his fist on the wall - using words - "I could just put a hole....." but he didn't. That was a big lesson and a lot of relief. He would still get into spells where he'd yell and swear, stomp off - I could live with that but we continued to work at trying to bring down the stress levels at home, at school by debriefing situations and what could we have done instead.

So one day my son came home from school (grade 12), said he'd been kicked out of math for swearing at the teacher. In our conversation it came up that a school is kind of like a computer - you push this or that button and this or that is what happens. Thats nothing personal. The school is a machine that just does what it does - it happens to other students too. There were no further school incidents. He needed to know that others would not get hooked into his manipulation (which he was much better at understanding by this time).

He went on to become a manager at a fast food restaraunt, which involves training others including young people. He was employee of the month several times. He now works with an adult with special needs and is a manager again there. My son is now 26. He is a father of 2 and today is a gentle giant. After getting past the anger/violence issues, he has taken on other self growth on his own. It is virtually impossible to tell he was once dx with Aspergers. He has been off meds since grade 10.

When people say autism can be healed I realize that not each person with autism will experience this but more could than what we're seeing today. People argue that medications take away a child's personality and that might be true to some degree, but what we are denying them by not giving them an aide is a window for learning what they need to learn to grow and develop. And are we willing to let them live in their uncontrollable world when we can take a space of time to help them learn rather than ending up in a legal system. They are often not able to make the connections that medications can give. Medications aren't always the answer but maybe there are alternative diets - the important thing is to try whatever you need to do to get to better. The bottom line is everyone has to decide what they're willing to do and what they can live with.

From my experience and working with people who have autism I've learned it is not good to allow people with autism to escape into their autism or they will become more autistic. Walking on eggshells around them does not help them and excusing negative behaviors because they have autism does not help them. They are capable of learning positive behaviors, even living mainstream lives. I realize that some are affected more by autism than others and perhaps will not become mainstream but even so I've seen changes overnight when they are not allowed to escape into themselves. It is definitely much harder for them to learn positive behaviors but their world will open up so much more given the chance. I liken it to a personality who is forced to function in a space the size of a nutshell. Once they are able to learn and experience freedom in positive behavior and interaction with others, their lives will blossom instead of struggling with every circumstance life throws at them. sorry I probably should have stopped a book ago....take what works and leave the rest.

Oh Meisjes, that was so comforting to see that your boy over come what could only be described as a living hell for him, thankyou so so much , i can only say that i'am in your shoes at that time , he breaks my heart to see him struggling with life and society , just the other day at the park a girl a little older than him called him a freak,he is so isolated in his own little world, i wish here in England they would teach as part a a lesson about asd, just like they are hot on bullying,racisum,etc,still i pray every day that i can be the mother he needs me to be,
We are seeing a peadiactric Dr,speical needs teacher,but from what you write i see that i could possibly see about going down the route of a behaviorist, you have gave me inspiration, he is not high functioning autistic though, i just feel so bad for him. i wish i could just keep him wrapped up with me so he never has to ever be hurt emotionally or physically, i know that's unrealistic,but there must be a lessons learned in life whether your special needs or "normal" as it were, i just wish that i the energy to keep up with him,
thankyou

will try to respond when my own internet is back up....might take a bit So sorry you and your son are going through this ...it is always so heartbreaking to see them struggle so hard.