[suzzie]

is it hard to have a conversation with someone who is on the autism spectrum. wondering because of something my t said.

[The_little_didgee]

People have told me I am hard to converse with, because I don't always reciprocate or I take a bit longer to respond then normal. My body language doesn't always convey what I am feeling and thinking. e.g. I don't look at people when they talk so people think I am not interested in them. This isn't true at all. I am actually listening.

Small talk is extremely difficult. If it is a topic of interest, I can talk without much problem.

[rosska]

I'm pretty much the same as The_little_didgee with this. I've been told in the past that I'm "boring", that I "don't look interested", that talking to me is "like getting blood from a stone"... I wasn't diagnosed until recently so I never knew why people felt this way around me, now I have a better understanding of it.

I've never had a face to face conversation with another AS person from the perspective of being an NT so I can't say for sure about how that is from their perspective. From mine, I hate conversing with people 90% of the time. I find it difficult and tiring, small talk bores me and confuses me all at the same time. Usually when people think I look like I'm not interested though, it's actually the opposite, my brain is processing constantly trying to think up things to speak about that the other person may find interesting. Usually I struggle with actually opening my mouth to speak though because I always think what I have to say will bore them (because I've been told in the past that I'm boring) or that I may be interrupting somebody or they may not appreciate a topic change etc.

The one thing people agree on is that I'm a good listener... If only they knew it's because I don't know when to speak and what to talk about when I do haha.

[suzzie]

yes im like that too. she told me about someone she knew in college. who was hard to talk to. she went into quite detail about it. and said perhaps she had autism. then she said that talking to me was the same as that girl. she said it was painful to have a conversation with me. that she has to do all the work. i dont look at her either. but we are working on eye contact. but so far its going bad. this is the second time she brought up the topic of autism.

thank you both for helping understand a bit more.

[rosska]

Haha, yeah eye contact is a pain in the back end. Seriously, why is it so important to people? I really don't get it.

Over the years I've gotten a lot better at it with close friends and family. I can sometimes maintain eye contact for 10 seconds or so now which is a lot better than when I just never looked at them at all. But with people I don't know so well I still really struggle.
A 'trick' my PDoc suggested, which is something I'm trying out just now, is to look at people's forehead. It's almost impossible unless you're very close to them for them to notice you're looking at their forehead instead of their eyes and it avoids the complete awful sensation that comes from making eye contact.

[suzzie]

that is a good trick to know. thank you.

could i ask something. are you comfortable talking to people you know well and family.

[rosska]

Originally Posted by suzzie

that is a good trick to know. thank you.

could i ask something. are you comfortable talking to people you know well and family.

You're welcome.

I'm more comfortable with my best friend (I've known her for 10 years now) and my mother, so I can speak with them easier than anybody else. Though it's still difficult some times, especially if I'm tired or already anxious about something else. Other family members, including my brother, are more difficult most of the time. I get very flustered when speaking, mix up words, don't understand what people are saying etc.

What about you?

[suzzie]

i can only speak easier with my family. but sometimes not even with them. and only so much. and then i need a break. because it is like work. and is very tiring to maintain.

[The_little_didgee]

It is fairly easy to talk with my parents, sister and close friend. Sometimes, I have difficulties though. When that happens, I end the conversation and go off on my own. Conversations with strangers and acquaintances are a lot harder to maintain and/or follow. I don't really know what to say to these people, so I remain quiet. If a person leads the conversation, it is a lot easier to talk to them.

I think my speech impediment and hesitancy make conversation harder.

[hope4all2]

I have two adult sons with autism; one has Aspergers the other has High Functioning Autism. Neither one of them looks at people, but they hear everything everyone says. They both carry on conversations when the topic is one they are interested in. A few years ago I was talking to my son with High Functioning Autism, he told me he never looks at people in the eye. I hadn't realized he was aware of that. There is nothing wrong with telling those you communicate with that you don't look at people in the eye, but you are listening & you hear everything they say. Let them know you hear & listen better when you are not looking directly at them. It's ok to let others know you have autism. Educate them. There isn't anything wrong with autism, as a matter of fact, there are many wonderful things that can come of it. It's like two people that speak different languages. To communicate, they must teach each other their language & eventually communication & understanding comes.

[rosska]

Originally Posted by hope4all2

I have two adult sons with autism; one has Aspergers the other has High Functioning Autism. Neither one of them looks at people, but they hear everything everyone says. They both carry on conversations when the topic is one they are interested in. A few years ago I was talking to my son with High Functioning Autism, he told me he never looks at people in the eye. I hadn't realized he was aware of that. There is nothing wrong with telling those you communicate with that you don't look at people in the eye, but you are listening & you hear everything they say. Let them know you hear & listen better when you are not looking directly at them. It's ok to let others know you have autism. Educate them. There isn't anything wrong with autism, as a matter of fact, there are many wonderful things that can come of it. It's like two people that speak different languages. To communicate, they must teach each other their language & eventually communication & understanding comes.

I really like your post, thank you for sharing.
I wasn't diagnosed until quite recently, and after my diagnosis and learning more about AS I've been able to explain a lot more about myself to my mother. This has really helped our relationship because she can now understand that when I say or do things a certain way it's just because that's what makes me feel comfortable and it's not me just ignoring her or trying to make life difficult.