Finally told someone about it...not good...

I've had this friend since about fourth grade, and she literally knew nothing about me until last semester when I gathered the courage to tell her about my Asperger's syndrome. We were pissed at each other over something that was huge for me and nothing for her, so already there was no common ground. In an attempt to explain my behavior, I opened up a bit and told her that I'm autistic, avoiding the added explanation of what I actually am. That was simple enough.

So she went home and read up on it, on me. After that, she treated me like a god. For some reason she had looked up to me all these years, but that day she went off on this speech, something about how I had "achieved so much and overcome so many symptoms that would have held me back." I really didn't want her to think that, because I didn't overcome any symptoms, I just hid them. I hated to know that she thought more of me than what I actually am.

But that wasn't the worst. A mutual 'friend' would touch me, hug me, stand close to me, and just generally make me uncomfortable. My friend just said outright, "Don't do that, he's autistic." It kind of embarrassed me a whole lot, and from there it just got worse, I guess. When people didn't stop touching me and hugging me, she told them "Can you please not do that? It makes him really uncomfortable." Their response was simply, "Of course it does, that's why I do it." Whaaat??? These are people I was close to, people I thought cared about me. From there they went on to tease me about my voice until I stopped talking completely, then tease me about how I stopped talking, then about my clothes, my hair, my face, everything. Nothing I do is good enough.

Does this one diagnosis I got when I was two years old really determine how everybody treats me for the rest of my life? Am I just that weirdo that they all think they can poke fun at? My social anxieties at the moment are preventing me from disclosing this problem to anyone, and I don't even know what to do anymore.

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time of it.

I've had very mixed reactions to my diagnosis (wasn't diagnosed until recently), some of my friends (which are few in number) have been very supportive of it. They have read up on it too, which at first did make me feel uncomfortable until my mum sat me down and explained that it was actually a nice thing apparently because it means they want to be able to look out for me and understand me better. I'm still out on that one, I feel like they're studying me and I'm not sure if I like it. But they have indeed been supportive and I've been able to tell them a lot of things I've kept to myself for years because I always thought I was just being 'awkward'.

Then on the other hand, I have a couple of friends with whom I've tried to be as open who have turned round and said "well you only just found out you have Aspergers so how come you never had these problems before?"... Which is just upsetting because I've always had these 'problems' but I've always just kept them to myself. Now that I know why I am this way, I don't see why I should keep trying to function like everybody else when I'm not like that.

Fortunately I've not had anybody come up to me and start hugging me or touching me to get a rise out of me. Forgive me for saying, but I think that's quite offensive that your friends are doing that to you. If you had no legs would they tip you out of your wheelchair and run around you in circles? No. So why do this?

I think a lot of it may come down to the whole lack of knowledge problem of Autism as a whole. A lot of people still don't accept that it is caused by a difference in the neurology of our brains. They think it's 'funny' that we don't like being touched, without understanding that it can actually cause us both physical and psychological pain. It's hard for people to understand what they don't see, heck even then it's hard for people to understand something they don't feel themselves.

Maybe it would be worth trying to talk to them about it? Or if you don't think it'd make a difference, then perhaps it's time to simply walk away from them?

I'm sorry if this wasn't a very helpful post.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. It's so suffocating with all the people around, and I know talking about it would just make it worse. That does make me feel better, though, so thank you.

Sometimes my friends hug me as a tease because I don't like it. For us, it is friendly teasing, the same thing that makes me laugh at them if they say something really wrong. Teasing is part of friendship. If they do it to really mess with you, that is another thing.

yep, there is still this poor attitude to anyone who's different.

Yeah, people like to touch me to piss me off, it's not friendly.

I've never understood that.

Maybe your friend was trying to help you. I have Aspergers Syndrome too so I understand why you wouldn't want everyone to know.

My friends when I was in high school would do the same thing, I hated it. I didn't find it funny at all and it made me so uncomfortable. I didn't tell them I had autism, but they knew I had oddities. I couldn't look people in the eyes so they would stare at me and try to look directly into my eyes. They would hug me, touch me, etc and it was the worst. Now we are in college and they have stopped being that way, but they hug me as a friendly gesture. I have learn to tolerate hand shakes, hugs from certain people, and some other social things. I still have a hard time determining how long I should keep eye contact; I make myself have eye contact to be socially acceptable.

She was, but everyone else is being a jerk about it.

Eye contact is so hard, I've never figured that out. They're just staring at me and I have no idea what to do...

I can see that your not happy about what your going through. I understand how you feel. I don't think your friend intended to hurt you. Maybe you should ask her to not tell everyone about it. Also from what I understand Aspergers Syndrome is just another Autism Spectrim Disorder so you were fine to say that your Austic.

It's very hard and it took me until junior year of high school to be decent at making eye contact. I'm still not great at it and I never will be, but I figured some of it out by trail and error. You can time yourself and make eye contact for a little bit (I started off with 7 seconds minimum) and that stopped my friends from making me uncomfortable. I also use a lot of gestures when I speak so I can disconnect eye contact for a bit, reconnect, and disconnect so I'm not starring the whole time, but seeming social.

It seems to be socially acceptable to move your eyes away from direct eye contact to think of something and to remember things every so often. This is what I do along with gestures and it seems to be working out decently. Passively (not being a creeper) study other peoples behavior and try to learn what they do. I hope this helps!

I end up staring at people's foreheads and such. But gestures are a good idea.

Well that's not too bad, at least you're looking in their direction. If you have a good friend who doesn't make you uncomfortable try using gestures with them. I'm sure they can give you good advice and help you be more social without stressing you out.

My friends are almost as antisocial as I am... we have no idea, haha... Thanks, though.

I can't understand it from the inside, but I can understand it from the outsider point of view. They are herd animals. We are not.

I suppose so... I mean, I see that it's a part of our society because of evolution, but I don't see how we haven't outgrown it.

Propranolol helps if your blood pressure is high enough. 60 mg of the XR is good. Or if your blood pressure is not high enough, you could try taking the regular non XR version an hour or so before bedtime. It greatly reduces anxiety and is often prescribed for stage fright.

We've outgrown it; they haven't. People are not a homogenous mass. We don't have as many of those herd or tribe or group-oriented instincts.

Mm, yes, that's true. I suppose evolution will take care of it in time.

Haha, I do the same thing. My PDoc was actually the one who suggested it to me as it's pretty near impossible for them to tell the difference unless you are very close.

I think the rest of the world should follow our lead and just stop making eye contact all together.

Haha, yeah, if we're close they get all self-conscious about their foreheads.

That would be amazing.

Haha, I never even considered that. I've probably worried a few people making them think they had something on their head!

Haha, oh well. One girl actually covered up her forehead and glared at me...