[Consumed84]

Hi everyone,

I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until I was 26 years old two years ago... however it explains everything about my rather hard childhood school years.

Living in my own fantasy world at school (and home to an extent) was a HUGE coping mechanism for me growing up. I'd sit in class, safe and sound in my fantasy world, while the teacher lectured. I lived in fear of being called upon by teachers and being forced to re-enter the real world to answer a question although somehow I managed to do it. Heck, I was a straight A student - don't ask me how I was. I was in my fantasy world, conquering evil and saving the world with my imaginary friends, far more than I was ever actually listening in class.

In late high school and college, I eventually changed from being completely in my fantasy world to fixating upon the teacher and trying to remember every last detail he would say. Still, my fantasy world was always there for me when I was stressed or needed to escape reality at home due to my father's alcoholism.

When I went off to college, I tried to join the real world. I joined a sorority and went to class even though I was terrified of "growing up" and had never been able to envision a future past high school. Needless to say, I eventually couldn't handle it mentally and dropped out (my treatment-resistant depression also played a huge part in this).

I haven't retreated into my fantasy worlds for several years now; I've been simply existing and spending most of my time in bed. I live near my parents and do not currently have a job. There are times I think of my fantasy world from childhood, and I wonder if I allowed myself to fantasize when I am alone if my life might be more tolerable.

I will be 29 in December, and I am a little ashamed of wanting to retreat to a fantasy world due to my age. It was all well and good when I was a kid... but now when I'm almost 30? I'm ashamed even though no one else would even *know*. My fantasizing never kept me from interacting with the real world... but it was always hovering in my mind like a protective barrier nearby when I needed to escape into it. I could pull myself out of it easily, genuinely have a conversation with someone "in the real world," then put myself right back in my fantasy world. No one ever suspected that I lived inside my mind about 85% of the time, not even my parents.

I have a question for you adult Aspies: do you all still let yourselves escape into fantasy worlds when needed? Do you feel ashamed about it? Do you see it as a genuine coping mechanism?

I ask because I am thinking of letting myself fantasize and to live in my own fantasy world when I need to again, just like when I was a kid. I think it might make life more bearable as I said before, but even though no one will have a clue I am doing it, I am ashamed of myself. Is it okay for me to let myself have my fantasy world when I need it? I just feel like fantasy worlds are "supposed to be a kid thing" but I also know things are different for us Aspies. And I was only diagnosed two years ago so I'm still coming to terms with it in many ways.

Sorry if this post is a little scattered; I am not entirely sure how to write down my thoughts about this. Mainly I am wondering if other adult Aspie's have fantasy worlds that you retreat into when needed.

Thanks!

[Perna]

Living in a fantasy world is not the best way to cope in my opinion. I lived in mine until I was in my late-40's and had enough therapy to not need it anymore; I recommend therapy for the anxiety instead of retreating more? I wish I had worked to deal with my difficulties earlier than I did.

[Consumed84]

I have been to probably almost a dozen therapists and counselors since I was 13. I last saw one a year ago, the first one I'd seen since I was diagnosed with Asperger's, and she wasn't helpful at all. She was a cognitive behavioral therapist like the others, and I've actually read that cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work so well for Aspies. (?)

Basically I have been living *without* my fantasy world since college... and my treatment-resistant depression makes living day to day extremely rough. It almost seemed easier when I had my fantasy world to retreat into when I needed to back in high school etc. I feel guilty for thinking about reverting back to it at my age... but are there other adults out there who do it when needed? Anyone?

[BlueWisteria]

I don't have any specific advice for you, but your childhood sounds kinda similar to mine. I had some severe problems with maladaptive daydreaming until I was able to find things in the real world that replaced the emotions that daydreaming evoked (not going to say that's easy). I used to have notebook after notebook of written adventures for my imaginary world and I could feel really strong attachments to characters that were only fictional. As a positive it did help my reading, writing, and creativity at a young age. As a negative, all the way up to high school I was that weird loner kid that sat in the corner writing in a notebook. It's how I coped with the extreme stress and sensory bombardments of the environment I was forced to be in.

It wasn't until I went through a five year online gaming addiction, years of therapy, went back to school, and found a boyfriend that it stopped. I found that therapists were only useful for so much. My life got really busy with real world stuff and when it slowed down I noticed I couldn't really daydream easily anymore. So the cure for me was finding real world sources of those emotions I craved (comfort, excitement, love, etc) and keeping busy enough that I didn't need to slow down and imagine anymore. It's not perfect, and I do still daydream but it's not as extensive as it used to be, nor does daydreaming evoke strong emotions anymore. It helps me to fall asleep sometimes if I retreat into a fantasy world and I don't think it's inappropriate to do so. Sometimes I actually really miss the extensive world and characters I created, and being able to conjure up anything in my brain like an in-flight movie, but those days are over for me and I think it's probably a good thing that it isn't so strong. I have real things to worry about now (that is also a good and bad thing).

[-jimi-]

I didn't have a rotten childhood but still I needed a fantasy world. Sometimes it is similar to real life, like rehearsing real life, other times it is like real life but I get everything set for me and my enemies get theirs in various ways. Sometimes it is like being somewhere else with other people around and things that could occur. I have done this type since I was a kid. If I didn't I couldn't fall asleep and it holds true sometimes today too.

I will never live totally separated from my fantasies. Sometimes my fantasies have helped me in life showing different ways a thing can play out.

If my fantasy world is useless to real life I comfort myself it plays an important part in my creative writing. If you have very interesting fantasy worlds, why not make them a story?

[RTerroni]

I lived in fantasy worlds for most of my childhood and still do from time to time, I think it is just part of the disorder.

[tesseract49]

I used to live in a fantasy world when I was a child. People always said that I had a vivid imagination. As an adult, people still tell me sometimes that I am being unrealistic when I think about things.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by tesseract49

I used to live in a fantasy world when I was a child. People always said that I had a vivid imagination. As an adult, people still tell me sometimes that I am being unrealistic when I think about things.

I'm sort of the same way- the fantasy world has gone down considerably from when I was younger but it's still there from time to time.