5 Things I Always Hear When I Say I Have Aspergers

People will tell me stuff like "you're so smart, I would have never guessed you have aspergers." I don't think many people know exactly what it is. A lot of people will ask me "what's that?" I also don't like the negative stigma attached to aspergers and autism.

111 with 2 remainder.

I got the "you don't look/sound like you have Aspergers" again today... she even went on to say that was a benefit for me... I had to point out that it wasn't necessarily, because it means I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24 and no one takes me seriously, apparently not even the woman saying it. She also did the "oh, so and so has Aspergers *comparison comparison*".

Sorry to hear that.
You know, I bloody hate the 'comparison game'. Why is it people feel the need to do that? I mean, we don't do it for every other thing a person can possibly be or have so why do it for some things?
If you meet a single mum who is struggling and suffering from deep depression because of her situation, you wouldn't say "well so and so is a single mum and she manages just fine". Just because we're all on the spectrum, doesn't mean we're all the same person, we're all still individuals.

The more I read about Asperger's the more I think that is what my stbxh has. After finally leaving him after 33 years of living in Hell, one of the T's I went to where I move to commented that it sounded like that was his problem.......but he had a hard time even being willing to agree to the pdoc dx of adult ADD.....just many of the things over the years does sound like it....but there's NO going back to him at this point...his attitudes are still unacceptable & something I just couldn't go back to living with.....if someone else can....more power to them.

Attitude issues from back when he was in his 20's destroyed our relationship before we ever got married. He always blamed his situation on others.....he was always so proud of what he could do with numbers...like repeat numbers after only seeing them once....& yet he managed to cause us to end up at the point of bankruptcy. Yes, he was in his own world all our married life....he would either be reading a book or watching TV & there was no communicating with him. He always knew that his way was the only way that was right & I knew he was WRONG. He would tell me things that were lies or 1/2 lies that he was sure was the truth.....ended up with a $500 phone bill one time because I listened to him & trusted what he told me. He could never take care of anything that was stressful or that he had to talk on the phone to deal with & he always thought that everyone was treating him badly & that was just the way it was nothing he could do about it....so I would handle it & get things straightened out. Final straw was at the time I left (which initially wasn't really leaving him....I was just getting my farm house ready for us to move into (turned out I ended up kicking him out) when he did come that Christmas to give it a trial.....but the previous April, he had received a letter from the IRS....he didn't bother telling me nor did he ever talk to the IRS about it....it wasn't until after I kicked him out & had all the mail forwarded to my farm 2100 miles away that I received the 2nd letter 10 months later from the IRS telling me that there had been no response to the previous letter regarding all the back taxes. Another huge blow it because he knew that he knew how to file my inheritance money with the IRS.....when in fact, he didn't know what he was doing & based in on huge wrong beliefs he had created in his own mind & wouldn't possibly consult with anyone to check if he was correct or not. Final straw for ever allowing the marriage to continue......but the final straw for the divorce was the fact that he quit paying the property taxes on the house we both owned.......& then quit paying the mortgage.....all without telling anyone or even talking to the bank or returning their calls....I found this out when they called me about the mortgage payments as I hadn't changed my phone number at the time....they didn't even know I wasn't living with him any longer....& it wasn't important until he quit paying the bills. He might have been good with calculus, but he couldn't pay bills or be responsible for himself when anything complicated came up.

Had no idea until really just lately that Asperger's was probably most likely his problem....& by this point......the relationship was so destroyed there is no way of going back.....& in reality there was nothing to really go back to because there was attitude issues before the marriage that had really caused me to loose respect for him even at that time...no respect...no love.....when he blamed his bad GPA at the university on the fact that he was smarter than most of the professors & he wouldn't waste his time on those classes instead of using them as easy A's to get a high GPA.....& right before I left him.....his excuse for failing in his career was because he didn't go to a much more prestigious university where he would have been challenged while his bro went to the same state university, got his masters & ended up an associate director of a power company..........

Just a thought how sad it is if he really has been dealing with asperger's all these years & has allowed his attitude to ruin his life the way he has....obviously it's possible that it's NOT Aspergers & just adult ADD......but his lack of being able to relate to people....like one instance, I was talking with my horse trainer's new husband at the time about a religious issue that had an effect on his top secret clearance (something my H & I both knew about since we had both been aerospace firmware engineers). H stood around listening & when the trainer's husband asked him a question....he came back with something about the weather Later when I questioned him about his off the wall comment that had nothing to do with the conversation, he said that he didn't know what my trainer's H was talking about so he just came back with that.....still have no idea where in the world he was coming from....but it was very similar to things I lived with for 33 years.

I truly believe that he never should have been married or at least not in a 2 professional career marriage. My mother had told me before I got married when I had actually decided to call it off....that he was such a nice guy & he would grow up & become responsible. Honestly back in 1975 when he was 21...I don't think anyone really had any concept of just how bad off he was & blew off the problems as him just being young & he would grow up when he had to.

I had made it clear before we got married that I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of getting my degree & having a career....first thing he said when I ended up pregnant was that I could take a couple of years off school & go back.....as if I had never even had that conversation with him.

I think as with every person there is a combination of issues that go into the big picture.....but the more I hear & read regarding Asperger's, the more it does sound like a possibility that's what went into the largest part of the failure of our marriage.

His final comment was that he thought I would just tolerate him for the rest of our lives & he didn't want a divorce because it would look like he was a failure.......More to it than just Asperger's....more than just adult ADD....but untreated & the person believing that he can't change anything because it's his personality......does nothing to make for a successful marriage......along with NOT knowing what I was dealing with....it really did look like a had a H with serious personality issues.

It does paint a sad picture.....& just like with everything else even with the divorce, he's sticking his head in the sand, unwilling to communicate about anything. It's miserable to have to deal with him....& basically next to impossible.