[JoyDivision7680]

I feel really bad when I have to turn down my mother's 'invitations' to go out and have a pizza, for example. I know she would like to go, otherwise she wouldn't ask me in the same day. I can interrupt my routine for things like that only if I am informed of one's intentions at least a day before. I feel very bad about myself...

[rosska]

Yeah I know what you mean. I think it's that feeling of guilt that makes it very hard to handle sometimes. I actually dread my friends and family asking me to do things because so many of them still ask me on the day they want to do something and I simply can't handle that abrupt change to my plans. Even if my plans are to sit and watch the TV or play a couple of hours on the computer or something, those are the plans I have made in my mind and changing them so suddenly I just really can't handle. But I hate having to say no to people all the time.

[JoyDivision7680]

Do you also feel guilty if those people (look like they) completely understand you and 'do' what you want? I do. I don't want others to do what I want either.
It's also confusing that I have absolutely no problem with, let's say, getting out of school earlier, obviously without prior knowledge to that. I guess the meltdowns occur only if my plans are jeopardised.

[rosska]

I'm not overly sure what you mean about the first part, sorry, could you elaborate?
Though you're bang on about it's being to do with plans. Unexpected change is not as difficult to accept if it's something that doesn't affect my own plans in a negative way.
Though that said, if it was something major then whether it affects my own plans or not, I still get freaked out. But little things aren't as bad that way.

[-jimi-]

I feel guilty but I think it is because of people. They try to guilt trip me hard. Everyone is doing that to me. It's hard trying not to react. I live in a constant state of pressure and guilt. I don't feel like I do anything for ME anymore. I just do things for others. Everything for THEM.

[RTerroni]

Yes very much, and I sort of had the ultimate when I had to turn down an invitation to my sister's wedding out of fear of how I would behave there.

[The_little_didgee]

If the event is minor I don't feel bad. Major events that mean a lot to a person are different. I missed my sister's wedding because I hate travelling. She begged me to show up, but I couldn't get over my anxiety. I felt awful.

[JoyDivision7680]

@rosska Let's say a friend of yours asks you to have a meal at McDonald's (couldn't find other example to give. You reply that you'd rather like to go and eat home; your friend agrees with you and says something like 'alright, have it your way then'. Do you feel any guilt for 'convincing' your friend to do what you want?

[rosska]

Originally Posted by MotherMan

@rosska Let's say a friend of yours asks you to have a meal at McDonald's (couldn't find other example to give. You reply that you'd rather like to go and eat home; your friend agrees with you and says something like 'alright, have it your way then'. Do you feel any guilt for 'convincing' your friend to do what you want?

Ah ok yes I see what you mean. I agree with that yes. My best friend has a bad tendency to phrase things in a way that make me feel guilt if I say no. Sometimes we go a couple of months without seeing each other (because I'm just so restricted in my ability to leave the house) and when we speak she'll say things like "We should get together, if you want to see me that is"... To me that is very much so a guilt trip, because it implies that if I say no then I don't actually want to see her, which is not the case. I just don't want to have to leave the house or interrupt the routine I'm in the middle of.

Because I can drive, and she can't, it's always me who has to go to see her too. I don't particularly like leaving the house at the best of times these days, and I actually find driving to be a little draining of late so I avoid it when possible. If she could drive and was willing to come to my house, I'd see her more than I do just now probably but somehow I still get made to feel like the bad one.

[JoyDivision7680]

Lucky me I don't get such invitations very often, I imagine the guilt would have been a lot bigger. Though sometimes I wish I was invited anywhere, even if I would most likely refuse...It's really a complicated thing to understand myself!

[rosska]

I know what you mean man. I get upset if my friends don't invite me to things, but at the same time I know I would have likely said no. It's a catch 22 haha.

[JoyDivision7680]

Probaly I would be socially active if I had a group of friends 'weird' like me. Think 'The Big Bang Theory' - Sheldon Cooper.
Can you imagine my therapist (who doesn't know about my AS though) once told me that "a normal person ought have between 8 and 10 groups of friends"?!

[rosska]

Hahaha yeah I know what you mean. When my PDoc told me she suspected AS before referring me to the specialist, she actually said "like Sheldon Cooper" to explain it to me.
I couldn't imagine having that many friends!! I have one very close friends, a handful of other friends and that's it. I find that difficult enough!

[JoyDivision7680]

Exactly! In addition to that I find it almost impossible to have like 40 friends in the true sense of the word. A friend is something special, that's what I've been told. I don't think anyone can possibly have 40 persons to share personal things with.
I have around 10 friends and talk to the majority of them via Internet. Sometimes I get really mad at them, with no reason. Getting mad at 40 people could damage my nervous system pretty hard

[rosska]

Totally agree!!
The majority of my friends, I know via the Internet. If I had to fit them all in to going out and meeting up, I'd probably have much fewer haha.

[JoyDivision7680]

Same here. I can imagine I'm a great annoyer sometimes - even my therapist said it!