[Hoppery]

I wrote this to be shared with whoever is willing to read it.

WRITTEN BY AN ASPIE: Hoppery (Acey)

Learning social skills is almost the same as pretending to be normal. Why can't the world accept our flaws? Why must we change to keep the world happy? How do you expect us to accept ourselves and our diagnoses, when the world can't even accept us as we are. An autistic individual.

Learning social skills is helpful, yes. But you need to understand that it doesn't fix our brains! No matter how well trained we are, we will still always be autistic. Instead of focusing on trying to fix us, focus on fixing and educating the world about autism. While you might think that there is more awareness these days (and indeed there is), the world is still mostly an unfriendly place for us to live.

While I am no expert on how the world see's autism I do know from experience that some (not all) seem to think because those with high functioning autism/aspergers can pass as fairly normal, that we are all just rude, naughty, ill mannered individuals. This is not the case though. High functioning autism/ aspergers is an invisible disability. You cannot tell we have it at the first glance you take of us.

It isn't an excuse to misbehave or get away with things. Infact, all we want from you all, is acceptance and an open mind to get to truly know our disability before judging us. We expect no more from you then that.

What are you going to lose from giving us that? Time, effort?
That's nothing compared to what we go through each day! We have to take the TIME to learn things to appear more acceptable and we have to take the EFFORT to put them into action. This isn't once a day, or once a week. This is every second, of every single day. All year. No breaks and no holidays.

What those with High functioning autism/aspergers need is different for us all as we are all unique and while we share the same disability, it effects us in different ways. But the acceptance and willingness to learn about our disabilities remains the same, always. So can you do that? Can you take a step into our world and see it how we see it or at least try to?

We can learn your ways and your rules. But without Acceptance, Educating Yourself, Helping Us, Love, Patience and Kindness. You can't make a positive difference to our lives, just like we can't make a positive difference to yours. We don't expect this from you at all, but it sure as hell would be great if you gave it!

[Hellion]

I do agree with the main point of that...however there are a couple things I kinda disagree with just a little bit. I am supposedly high functioning and have never passed for 'fairly normal' even if I do 'learn' certain social skills there is a lot I can't actually apply to real life. Like even to this day I couldn't just go up to a random person and start talking to them...back in school when I was in therapy the therpist always encouraged me to do stuff like that but I couldn't. I also know eye contact its appropriate, but can't do it to save my life.

Also I guess I don't really feel I try all that much to be 'more acceptable' I don't spend every hour of every day trying to act as normal as possible and never really have...I have sort of learned a lot about coming off as rude so I've improved in that area...but I still don't pass as anywhere close to normal.

But I do agree that society needs to be taught more about it, and be more accepting towards the fact people with autism are the way they are...and can't be 'cured' or magically turned into 'normal' people.

[HopeforCure]

Although my family and I only suspect that I have aspergers, I hate hearing well-intentioned people tell me if I just "practice" being in a group it will get better. However, I have "practiced." I have forced myself to go to parties, go to public gatherings, talk to people, etc. The results are always the same-I feel awkward and unable to function properly. I have gone through tons of social skills training and I still feel "socially illiterate" so-to-speak. I try, and like hoppery said; it is an ongoing battle every second of every day-it is work. I have a huge issue with accepting the illness because of the impact it has had on my life and interfered with what I wish I could and want to do. It almost feels as if the illness has robbed me of the most important parts/milestones of my life. Every person is different, but I would have to say that I am one who feels "abnormal" but tries to act "normal." As I said it is a huge struggle and then I get more anxious and frustrated because of the interference and then the whole thing keeps going round and round.

[Hoppery]

Indeed, Hope. I too feel abnormal, I have acted normal in the past but given up on that! Just never going to happen. Instead I'm trying to educate the world. But you are right, on that everyone is different. It effects people differently. You are not alone Hope, even though it feels like it.

Anyone may share my letter to people they think it will help as long as they keep my name in the top.


Hellion - I can't do eye contact either. But despite this and my poor social skills, I have passed off as normal to those who don't have a clue what Asperger's is. But everyone is different with Aspergers. Effects people differently.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Hoppery

Indeed, Hope. I too feel abnormal, I have acted normal in the past but given up on that! Just never going to happen. Instead I'm trying to educate the world. But you are right, on that everyone is different. It effects people differently. You are not alone Hope, even though it feels like it.

Anyone may share my letter to people they think it will help as long as they keep my name in the top.


Hellion - I can't do eye contact either. But despite this and my poor social skills, I have passed off as normal to those who don't have a clue what Asperger's is. But everyone is different with Aspergers. Effects people differently.

People probably don't always know I have aspergers, but it seems many of them pick up on my being 'weird' or think there is something off about me. I didn't even know when I was growing up didn't find out it was a possibility till I was 21 and only recently got diagnosed.

There are however people who don't care about it and thus don't judge about it. But I was tormented throughout school for it...even if I did try to act normal or at least socialize it didn't work and I still got rejected. It probably didn't help that I sucked and P.E class so they could also make fun of me for that...and of course I can come of as slow despite my intelligence, that certainly didn't help.

[Smellyfinger]

Thanks for this. I'm going to talk to my doc next time about this very thing. I've been told that there is something off about me by a few people before.

I haven't been diagnosed with this yet but I'm pretty sure it's aspbergers. I tick people off without realizing it constantly. I can't make eye contact or socialize at all without revealing how broken I am mentally. I'm unable to pick up on simple social cues.

But I agree, people should be more aware. My old group of friends would make fun of people by asking if they have aspergers or something. Heck they made fun of me because of my awkwardness and inability to speak properly.

I remember my sister's ex husband would get ticked every time I saw him because I just had to say hi. Because I run my mouth and don't know when to shut up.

The last time I saw him, like usual I said hi and he got ticked beyond belief just at the sight of me. I've burned that bridge because of my inability to understand them and for others to understand me. Everything about me screams aspergers and I hate it.

I spend all the energy I have just trying to act normal.

I've ruined so many relationships because the crazy would leak out and I'd do something socially unacceptable and reckless.

I can't live like this, I just can't. I've ruined my life because of this and I still feel the guilt and it's been like 2 years since all this happened. All my relationships and reputation are gone and lost. I dwell on this all day and every day and I'm sick of it.

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[Fuzzybear]