Coworker's possible Asperger's

How should I proceed if it's pretty clear that a colleague is showing behaviors of Asperger's but he has no clue and it's very frustrating for those that work with him. Especially me because I'm his go-to guy.

His manager brought up to me the possibility that it's Asperger's and its description fits the guy very well.

Now what? Nobody's bringing it up to him and while I ask him to change the way he approaches me, he just keeps up the behaviors. His manager seems reluctant, as he is generally reluctant to manage and is just looking toward retirement.

I feel really stuck with this and the guy's behaviors pop up almost daily.

What should be the first step toward dealing with this situation?

I don't know how others here feel, but I'm not sure it's your place to bring it up to him...

Well there has got to be a solution as he is oblivious to the disruptions he causes in our department, particularly to his manager and to me as his go-to guy on every personal matter of his under the Sun.

So if I follow your lead and we continue to take it lying down it will continue to fester until the next blowup he sparks. Maybe then the only solution will be to force someone to leave the department or the company.

After all, it's treatable, correct? So why wouldn't it be somebody's place to help him and in the process help those around him?

The passive, do-nothing approach has been tried for too long here and it does not work for anybody.

I mean, if he's not fulfilling his duties and is really a huge problem then maybe he needs to be fired by his boss... I don't know how qualified you are to diagnose aspergers (I take it you're not a psychiatrist with a specialty is Autism Spectrum Disorders) or how much you even know about it. Maybe you are right but maybe he just has poor social skills and is an assh*le. And even if you knew for sure is it really reasonable for you (a coworker who is not personally close to him at all) to be like "look you have a pervasive developmental disorder and your brain doesn't work like a normal person's does!"?

It's not really "treatable" in the traditional sense of the word. It is a developmental disorder which means your brain is fundamentally different from the brain of a "normal" person, not like a chemical imbalance or something. Sure he could see a therapist and become more aware of his problematic behaviors in various situations and learn to function better (or more "normally") in society but it's not "treatable" in the way of taking an antidepressant for depression/anxiety or taking xanax for anxiety/panic or taking a mood stabilizer for bipolar.

I can understand your frustration with a problem employee/supervisor/coworker - I'm not saying it isn't warranted. If he is ASD it would be nice to make certain reasonable allowances or to perhaps go out of you way (again, reasonably) to understand that he has trouble with particular things. But it's his boss's job to tell him "hey we can't you have you doing {problem employee behavior} all the time. Please try to do {better alternative} instead". And if he fails to do his job well after this kind of guidance then he should probably be fired. I believe in being compassionate and giving people chances but if he seems not capable of fulfilling his duties after these chances are given then sure, he should be fired.

I don't know what the particular problems here are but I think they should be addressed by his boss as individual problems instead of telling him "we've all agreed you have autism" when you're in no position to even judge that as you are not a psychiatrist with experience in diagnosing autism. Sure he shouldn't be given unlimited leeway for any reason (including autism) as he needs to be effective at his job. I just don't think you are in a position to judge whether he is autistic or tell him that he is autistic even if you think you know.

It seems most reasonable to treat him like a normal employee, instruct him to change his behavior when it's a problem, give him a little leeway in certain areas where it's warranted, and fire him if he's unable to fulfill the duties of the job in a way that is satisfactory after being given sufficient chances. These are the duties of your boss, but obviously he's not fulfilling them. That's not your fault and it's frustrating you, which I totally get... I just don't think you can "accuse" him of being autistic.

So what are the "issues", besides your not liking people with Aspergers....

He approaches her wrong. Whatever that means.

Imagine if somebody you worked with came up to you one day and told you that the way you perceive the world is different to everybody around you, and that your behaviour is upsetting to other people you speak with on a daily basis, and that the only way you may ever be able to pass as 'normal' would be to visit a therapist and spend years in therapy... Do you think you'd appreciate that?

I think nowheretohide is correct, it's not really your place. Learning you have an ASD can be a very traumatic thing to go through and your suspicions because he behaves differently to how you would expect, is not a medical diagnosis and could cause more harm in the long run than good.

I know from experience that people telling me similar things in my life before I was diagnosed just made me feel isolated and very upset because I didn't know why I was being perceived this way or why I struggled so much to fit in with other people and be accepted by them. All it ever did was make me pull away from socialisation, which really doesn't seem fair.

In the line of employment, it's the job of your boss to make sure he doesn't cause disruptions to the other employees at work. So really, he's more to blame for allowing any such behaviour to continue, than the person who may not even know he's being disruptive in the first place.

Well what behaviors? I mean there are some things autistic people can improve on and certainly work on behaviors that can hurt or excessivly bother people...but most of us can't just 'act normal' for an extended period of time so if that is what you're expecting you'll be out of luck.

But if there are certain things he does that really bother you or are harmful you can ask them to not do that, talking to the superviser/employer is good but obviously they don't see a major problem. But yeah what is the problem with how he approaches you?...there might not be a lot he can do to change that depending on what exactly your issue with it is.

If he doesn't know he could be on the autism spectrum, I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning it and suggesting they maybe look into it...maybe that would help some. But yeah people with autism have brains that work differently than normal so there are going to be some rather unusual traits people with it have its impossible to mask all that and be 'normal'. Sometimes tolerance is needed on both sides.

Ya know, they may already know they are "different". What's to be gained by furthering that they are "different"?

Call him on his behavior, if you must, but please leave his "disability" out of it. In many places, pointing that out could cost you your job. Be careful, be kind, but if you have to point out behavior--not personality.

I agree- it's completely not your place to try to diagnose someone you consider a coworker. Or even suggest they look into getting any kind of assessment.

To put it in a different context, I would say it's akin to suggesting to a coworker they may have any other thing that can be found in the DSM.
I mean... I'm kind of... really taken aback that it's considered appropriate to even entertain the idea, actually.

If someone's behavior is interfering with their job- no matter what the source of the behavior [which no one in a co-worker or supervisory position is really qualified to diagnose]- it needs to be addressed according to how it is affecting the performance. If it is a documented medical issue, and that is addressed through HR, that is one thing.

If it isn't, that is on the individual to deal with their job performance. So they can address the issues in any number of ways, but if they can't do the job, they can't.

that may sound harsh, but that's just... the world.

There are things I can't do if I don't have accomodations because of various reasons. But i go through the crap of getting accomodations, or I make extra preparations if I can't get accomodations, or I make ways to work around the challenges because I've gone through the trouble of figuring out why certain things are challenging or i have difficulties in certin situations. After the same situations turned out like crap I needed to do something about it.

This is an adult right?
Why does it sound like we are referring to a child here?

If you don't want to listen to his personal matters, draw a line in the sand.
If you are tired of him running to you with his every problem, but he continues to do it, and you continue to listen... that's not just his fault, you've encouraged that behavior by not establishing a boundary.

That whole "it takes two to tango" thing.

So, no the passive do nothing approach DOESN'T work for anybody, as you are finding out.

But making someone else's life your responsiblity doesn't either. Address behaviors as they manifest and negatively affect the workplace and productivity, not what may or may not be an individual's personal issues outside of work time.

Maybe you just have a problem with people who are different? A little understanding might help. As for treatment, aspergers has to be lived with - just that. Office politics is of course another matter!

I wish the OP would come back to the thread. I hate when everyone posts and it's like for nothing.

Well, it's possible they may feel "attacked". I find that sometimes happens with me personally- but to be clear here: I'm not angry. I am what I said, taken aback.

I'm also pretty strong in my opinions and that comes across.
But I'm not like, laying down "fightin' words".

I do think that it was appropriate for the OP to ask in the ASD section about the specific situation, but they are going to get a variety of opinons, maybe ones they didn't expect, maybe ones that express hurt and all sorts of negative feelings- which, it appears to me, may be things the OP didn't really expect.

We can talk about that stuff, but these are opinions of people on the spectrum, who have actually dealt with misunderstanding and ignorance that has probably resulted in a lot of hurt and negativity in their own lives. This often happens with ignorance. But that can be rectified.

So, with that said, if the OP wants to understand and come up with the best solution to the problem, further discussion may prove to be helpful.

I think I can see possibly being overwhelmed at least initially by the responses, however.

I appreciate everyone's responses. I was looking for feedback from people "on the spectrum" and I got it.

I want to make clear that in no way am I looking to give him my amateur "diagnosis." My only interest is in dealing with the no-boundaries behavior. And over the last several months I have taken steps to do that. Some have worked and other lines in the sand sometimes still get crossed. And I talk to him about this.

So I will keep communicating with him, both on the work we do on the job and regarding the behaviors as they arise. But yes, his manager's pop-diagnosis should be tossed out as irrelevant to fixing things at work. As far as his manager's role, it seems to be more effective at this point to keep talking with my coworker myself about these things. If disruptive behaviors increase, I will approach the manager again, just about the behaviors. At this point, however, it seems to be going in the other direction.

As a detail thinker I don't understand what it is he does when he doesn't respect boundaries and is disruptive. Those are general ideas I can't picture in my mind.

Plz understand that if it's Aspergers, no offense is meant when they cross the line. They literally just want it get things done, lol. It could also be that, if he's uncomfortable, these behaviors will only increase so he can get thru the task faster.