[Llady68]

It was suggested that I post this here in this forum to see if anyone thinks this sounds familiar..does this sound like it may be Asperger's ?

Hi, I am new at this so here goes...
I am the mother of three children. They are all wonderful kids but my middle child, who is now 20 years old, has struggled through life and I can't seems to find the help he needs. He has always been a bit of a loner although he does enjoy the company of friends at times. He hates crowds, hates line ups, has major anxieties and what seems like depression. He has not been able to hold a job, does not drive as he can't deal with all the other vehicles on the road, or people in those vehicles. He does not seem to have any goals in life, at least not ones that keep his interest for more than a day or two, and cannot deal with anything that gets thrown at him ( anything out of the ordinary, or even in the ordinary).
He is a master at showing people the 'normal' side when he is out amongst anyone other than the immediate family but in he privacy of our home he lets it all out. He gets extremely angry over the smallest things ( dropping something on the floor warrants a major bout of extreme swearing and throwing of other things), he takes things that people say or do very personally, to the point that he thinks about it for days, even weeks, even if it was not directed at him specifically. He punishes himself by not allowing himself to do things that he may enjoy if he thinks he does not deserve it.
I could go on and on....
I have FINALLY convinced the family Dr to refer him to a psychiatrist. So far, after two appt's I am not impressed! They are treating him for depression with meds. My son came to me today, two months into taking them mad telling me that he doesn't think they are working and broke into tears.
I have been doing some of my own research on the internet (I know you have to be very careful with that) but I am wondering if he is dealing with Asperger's syndrome. He has many, many of the symptoms. And how do I bring this thought forward to the psychiatrist?
I am soooo frustrated with the medical community up to this point! My son shows them one side and I tell them what we see at home. But because he presents himself so well outside of the house no one believes me therefore the rest of my family and I are dealing with all the emotional fallout at home. My daughter moved out at the age of 18 because she couldn't deal with it anymore ( he pulled a knife on her at one point in one of his rages...for which he felt very bad about later, but, the emotional damage is done). My younger son took some physical beatings from him until I found out about it and let him know that in no uncertain terms will it be allowed to happen again.
He cannot keep friends because he is so intense. He has one sided conversations with us that can last for literally hours. He doesn't even seems to realize that we are not a part of the conversation at all. He just keeps going...
I need help! I need someone to hear me! I just need someone to understand...

[Hellion]

It sounds like he could have aspergers, but it also sounds like he has problems with anger that might not nessisarily have to do with that. The main problems with aspergers are problems with social interaction and communication, sensory issues, executive functioning issues which can resemble depression though it is possible to have depression in addition to aspergers as well.

But yeah he certainly needs some sort of professional help it seems...anti-depressants don't work for everyone, and sometimes its just a matter of finding one that does help...not sure anti-depressants do much for anger issues and such though. But yeah it would be best to inform the psychiatrist he doesn't think its helping any, and perhaps try something else...maybe looking into therapy of some kind would also be good.

Encourage him to be open and honest with his psych... it sounds like he does want help so he might be receptive to your explaining that if he just "puts on a good face" for the doctor it's not going to help him pin down and deal with his problems.

It does sound like aspergers is definitely worth considering. Some of the other symptoms (anger, depression, etc.) could be secondary problems which have arisen because of his difficulties in growing up with aspergers, but not actually part of ASD itself. People with aspergers can have a really hard time in life and secondary problems like anxiety, depression, anger, etc. can develop as a result of the difficulties that arise from life with ASD. I'm not saying he definitely has aspergers, but pointing out how the things that don't fit exactly with ASD can still fit the situation.

Not all psychiatrists have a lot of experience with ASD, so hopefully his does have some... if he agrees that it's a good possibility then maybe he can refer you to a psychiatrist who specializes more in ASD. Anyways good luck. I think based on what you've posted it is 100% worth seriously looking into.

Also, looking back at how he was as a child can be helpful in diagnosing ASD in adults. If you're going to present your idea of him having ASD to the doctor it might be good to read up on ASD in childhood and use his childhood behavioral history as evidence (if he displayed a lot of classic ASD behaviors when he was young it will really further your argument). Interviews with parents, siblings, etc. about a persons childhood history is often used in diagnosing ASD.

Also, looking back at his childhood and comparing to what you've learned about ASD might point you in a different direction if you don't think it fits so either way it can be helpful. Good luck!!!

[rosska]

Sorry to hear you're in such a difficult position, and that your son is having a hard time of it.

I agree with what nowheretohide said about not all psychiatrists having a great understanding of ASDs. I saw my first psychiatrist at just 12 years old, since then I've seen a total of 5 over the years (I'm now 28). I was given diagnoses of depression, anxiety, anger management issues, dysthymia, etc etc. But not one of them ever mentioned Aspergers, until my most recent psychiatrist who happened to have a special interest in ASDs.

Throughout my teens I was put onto numerous anti-depressants and never felt any benefit from them at all. I kept trying to tell them that I didn't really feel 'depressed' all the time, I just often felt isolated and down because I found it so hard to fit in with people my own age. None of them ever understood me and I struggled to understand them. To be fair though, I've always found it hard to tell what it is I'm feeling, and even harder is putting that into words to explain to somebody else (ironically, that's a common symptom of ASDs).

With the latests PDoc, she spoke to me for a little over an hour and suggested that she thought ASD was a strong possibility for most of my issues. She then referred me to a specialist clinic for diagnosis, and they confirmed her suspicions. That was a huge turning point for me, after years of feeling like I was as well talking to myself somebody eventually listened to me and understood what I was saying. I wasn't just crazy.

Also, what nowheretohide said about looking back at his childhood is a very good idea. We hadn't really thought about my childhood much until I was undergoing the diagnosis but when we did, a lot of it started to make sense. Even as a very young child I had a need for routines and structure, I was also very prone to 'meltdowns' if these were somehow altered. My mum used to hate having to get me ready for school in the mornings because if anything went wrong (the right sock went on before the left sock, or we didn't have "my" cereal in etc) then I would start hitting my head and screaming then run back to my bed and had to 'start again' so things went right. At the time she just thought I was being a 'little brat', but speaking about it now with her I have been able to explain to her that the way I felt back then is exactly how I feel about these things now, it's like the world is imploding in my brain and everything just becomes too much. Every sound is heightened, my body tingles and I feel like I need to run away or lash out. I now understand that this happens because a meltdown triggers the 'fight or flight' response.

I would do what nowheretohide suggested and try to find out if you can get him into see a PDoc who has a good understanding of ASDs. It could be of great benefit to you both. Good luck.

[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

This is the first time I've responded to somebody else's thread.

I can relate to your son's struggles in quite a few ways. I've always been a loner and prefer to play by myself rather than with others. I remember one day in junior school—about six or seven years ago—when a group of students crowded round me, and I got really frightened and upset. I also struggle with depression and thoughts of worthlessness and self-hatred.

Your son may be insecure, afraid to show people he doesn't know about his struggles, so he bottles it all up inside him and hides his anxieties from the rest of the world. I do not blame him for this, in fact I've done this myself. I was once heavily affected by an incident in my life that most people would be able to get over quickly, and kept it to myself for over a year before finally opening up to my mother and asking for help.

Anti-depressants don't work for everybody, as Hellion said. It can take doctors a long time to find the correct anti-depressant that works. I am sorry to hear that your son was so upset over the anti-depressants not working. I agree with Hellion and nowheretohide when they say that he may have asperger's syndrome, but may also have other struggles. PsychCentral has a page that lists the symptoms of asperger's syndrome, but I'm afraid I can't link you to it because my post count isn't high enough. Sorry about that.

As for talking with his psychiatrist about his struggles, that's a tough one because they don't believe you. I'm very sorry to hear that. Have you told him/her that he conceals his hidden anxiety and anger? If so, then nowheretohide may be right that this psychiatrist may not have a good understanding of asperger's syndrome, in which case it would be a good idea to find somebody who is professionally trained in the spectrum disorder.

Now, this post may not be very helpful; all I've really done is talk about my own experiences and back up what Hellion and nowheretohide has already said. With that being said, I still hope your son gets the help that he needs, and you find peace of mind.

[alpot]

You need to take him to theLawlis Peavy PNP center in Dallas, TX.

The problem is that the mental health medical community is shooting in the dark when it comes to brain function. Without knowing how your brain responds to different stimuli using specialized MRI image mapping, one can't really tell what parts of the brain are overperforming or underperforming. People are being prescribed drugs that mess with your neurotransmitters and guess what they don't even have a good way to measure what your current neurotransmitter levels are!. I mean when was the last time you went to a doctor for a prescription and the doc was guessing your cholestrol level prior to dosing you with Lipitor.

Psychiatry is trial and error at best. What you need to do is rule out if his issues are truly because of a neurological issue?. The center will give u a comprehensive brain work and pin point what exactly is the area of the brain that needs work and what will work.

Originally Posted by Llady68

It was suggested that I post this here in this forum to see if anyone thinks this sounds familiar..does this sound like it may be Asperger's ?

Hi, I am new at this so here goes...
I am the mother of three children. They are all wonderful kids but my middle child, who is now 20 years old, has struggled through life and I can't seems to find the help he needs. He has always been a bit of a loner although he does enjoy the company of friends at times. He hates crowds, hates line ups, has major anxieties and what seems like depression. He has not been able to hold a job, does not drive as he can't deal with all the other vehicles on the road, or people in those vehicles. He does not seem to have any goals in life, at least not ones that keep his interest for more than a day or two, and cannot deal with anything that gets thrown at him ( anything out of the ordinary, or even in the ordinary).
He is a master at showing people the 'normal' side when he is out amongst anyone other than the immediate family but in he privacy of our home he lets it all out. He gets extremely angry over the smallest things ( dropping something on the floor warrants a major bout of extreme swearing and throwing of other things), he takes things that people say or do very personally, to the point that he thinks about it for days, even weeks, even if it was not directed at him specifically. He punishes himself by not allowing himself to do things that he may enjoy if he thinks he does not deserve it.
I could go on and on....
I have FINALLY convinced the family Dr to refer him to a psychiatrist. So far, after two appt's I am not impressed! They are treating him for depression with meds. My son came to me today, two months into taking them mad telling me that he doesn't think they are working and broke into tears.
I have been doing some of my own research on the internet (I know you have to be very careful with that) but I am wondering if he is dealing with Asperger's syndrome. He has many, many of the symptoms. And how do I bring this thought forward to the psychiatrist?
I am soooo frustrated with the medical community up to this point! My son shows them one side and I tell them what we see at home. But because he presents himself so well outside of the house no one believes me therefore the rest of my family and I are dealing with all the emotional fallout at home. My daughter moved out at the age of 18 because she couldn't deal with it anymore ( he pulled a knife on her at one point in one of his rages...for which he felt very bad about later, but, the emotional damage is done). My younger son took some physical beatings from him until I found out about it and let him know that in no uncertain terms will it be allowed to happen again.
He cannot keep friends because he is so intense. He has one sided conversations with us that can last for literally hours. He doesn't even seems to realize that we are not a part of the conversation at all. He just keeps going...
I need help! I need someone to hear me! I just need someone to understand...

Asperger's sounds pretty likely given the "loner" aspect but he seems to have a pretty major anger/rage problem and some significant depression along with it. There are probably several things at play here, social skill difficulties from asperger's along with depression as a result which causes a lot of frustration and anger