[Hellion]

Sorry but aside from the few positives I have found in the disorder, it sucks over-all. Maybe some autistics are perfectly happy to pursue special intrests without other people around...but some of us are lonely, we want freinds and we want to be accepted.

Maybe there are a few positives in autism, but at the same time we think and act differently than neurotypicals...so should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed.

I have seen some articles that seem to encourge exploitation of people with ASD disorders....like we have special computer skills or this or that that could be used for big buisiness. Well what about those of us who aren't intrested in that and don't have special technological skills?

I think you need to consider "computer skills" to be an example. For most people what you are interested in is a pretty good indication of what you are good at. Participating in social groups related to what you like is a good way to meet people too.

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[CantExplain]

I make a comfortable living with my computer skills. I don't feel exploited.

Another good place for Aspies to work is university, and that can be a comfortable life too.

And I'm very grateful for the internet. I can meet people without the usual social barriers.

[Pandoren]

I don't have any special skills, so I see what you are getting at. In some ways I wish I was "more" autistic... if I had any "savant" kind of skills, I might be able to get somewhere in life, but the fact is I'm not especially got at anything and even though my interests are limited, I don't go into depth on them like others do.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Sorry but aside from the few positives I have found in the disorder, it sucks over-all. Maybe some autistics are perfectly happy to pursue special intrests without other people around...but some of us are lonely, we want freinds and we want to be accepted.

Maybe there are a few positives in autism, but at the same time we think and act differently than neurotypicals...so should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed.

I have seen some articles that seem to encourge exploitation of people with ASD disorders....like we have special computer skills or this or that that could be used for big buisiness. Well what about those of us who aren't intrested in that and don't have special technological skills?

I feel the same way. When I was trying to figure out what career would be best for me due to my autism a lot if sites kept saying computers, but that is not one of my strengths so that wouldn't be a good field for me. I really wanted to be a nurse and I have the grades for it, but being a nurse is way too stressful due to how much socialization takes place. I feel like autism inhibits me more than my other conditions because I can take meds for them, but no meds help with autism. Only thing that helps is CBT and that type of therapy only helps so much.

[Frankbtl]

Woah! Sorry to zoom in on something there but the: "should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed".
I'd say that just because someone with autism or Aspergers may be different/see the world differently in some ways doesn't (to me) mean that they shouldn't be valued just as much as the next person, regardless of any difficulties. So I'd say it shouldn't be a matter of "accepting" that's a bit too much like tolerating, BUT a matter of really valuing and benefiting from and embracing differentness and diversity.
I know that the world doesn't always work that way and there can be a lot of obstacles but with some adjustments/understanding from others (and they are out there) different can REALLY make big differences for the better.
Anyway, back on topic (?) . Computer skills can be overrated, so let's leave that one if it's not applicable. There probably are some REAL things/qualities that I'd define as REALLY important that you have got that come along with autism so maybe personalise them a bit more i.e. not as much what's not so bad about autism but what's really good about YOU.
Everybody (even with autism!) is different so what would you say they are for you? Thinking more logically/laterally? Not letting emotions dictate quite so much over decisions? etc,etc,etc there are bound to be some qualities!
I guess that sometimes it's easy (too easy sometimes) to see the way these can negatively impact on things on things for you BUT just don't lose sight of ALL the ways these can positively impact on you as well. You might just find that when looking at things as a whole some of these qualities have a more positive than negative impact.
And maybe it's worth actually taking time to list each attribute or/and preference to find where you're most comfortable/happiest in the world career (or activity) related.
You don't have to try to find somewhere to try to "fit in", it's as much about finding something that suits YOU, something that YOU'RE happy with, something YOU can excel in, whatever that is.
As for wanting friends, maybe start smaller. Afterall the prospect of going out "to find new friends" can be a bit daunting even for NT's. Start with places you feel comfortable in, or start to find more places you can begin to feel comfortable in. Then it need only start with one person, one comment/one observation/one recognition from you. Rehearse it beforehand if it feels easier for you. But you'll know the "mundane" comments about surroundings, weather or casual/impersonal questions you can throw in. They can be a big step towards making connections.
And hey, not everything said to someone will lead somewhere, most won't, but you can really use those opportunities as continuing practice to feeling more comfortable in taking conversations further as time goes on. I'm sure you have a lot to offer!!
Alison

Have you seen this? "IT Assistant at Train Station" has me curious. What is that? As I mention those are just suggested. You can see a broad range though.
http://www.autism.org.uk/~/media/nas...20english.ashx


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[Douglas MacNeill]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Sorry but aside from the few positives I have found in the disorder, it sucks over-all. Maybe some autistics are perfectly happy to pursue special intrests without other people around...but some of us are lonely, we want freinds and we want to be accepted.

Maybe there are a few positives in autism, but at the same time we think and act differently than neurotypicals...so should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed.

I have seen some articles that seem to encourge exploitation of people with ASD disorders....like we have special computer skills or this or that that could be used for big buisiness. Well what about those of us who aren't intrested in that and don't have special technological skills?

Does autism--including its high-functioning form--suck? Yes, as in hell yeah!
However, the well-meaning attitudes of organizations such as Autism Speaks
make it suck all the more and all the worse. Autism Speaks in particular
speaks for the families of children with lower-functioning forms of
autism. When will Autism Speaks speak for me? When Martin Luther is canonized,
when chickens have teeth, when pigs fly, when hell freezes over--how many
expressions are there that mean "never"?

The main reason I'm not so interested in a cure for autism is because there
can be no cure for the years I spent with it--years during which I might
otherwise have been able to get a job, qualify for a driver's licence, earn my
own keep, find a sweetheart, start a family of my own, and other stuff
neurotypicals prize so much. Stuff that corresponds closely to the desire to
have friends and be accepted for who we are.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

I feel the same way. When I was trying to figure out what career would be best for me due to my autism a lot if sites kept saying computers, but that is not one of my strengths so that wouldn't be a good field for me. I really wanted to be a nurse and I have the grades for it, but being a nurse is way too stressful due to how much socialization takes place. I feel like autism inhibits me more than my other conditions because I can take meds for them, but no meds help with autism. Only thing that helps is CBT and that type of therapy only helps so much.

Have you considered being a pharmacist? It's in the medical field and while it involves working with people and answering their questions.. it wouldn't be in the sort of "dire emergency" stress level that nursing would encounter.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Have you considered being a pharmacist? It's in the medical field and while it involves working with people and answering their questions.. it wouldn't be in the sort of "dire emergency" stress level that nursing would encounter.

I changed my major this year and I plan on being a clinical laboratory scientist. It's still in the medical field and it really suits me. I have thought of that before, but I can't afford graduate school. Thank you for your advice though

[-jimi-]

If everyone was normal and the same (in today's world you are seen as having something if you are not a copy of everyone else and extraverted), the world would be quite boring.

Some people hate having autism, but do they or do they hate their life experiences? Those who have been mistreated, I can't blame that on autism, I blame it on those who mistreat others. I'd rather have less of THOSE....

[JoyDivision7680]

The only thing I hate about Asperger's is the inability to communicate when I want to. I mean, I always feel (and most likely look) like I'm socially retarded which, by today's standards, means I'm stupid as well. And what really frustrates me is the fact that I don't think therapy for social integration could help me. Being silent sometimes looks cool, but being forced to remain silent is definitely unpleasant.

[Malixer112]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Sorry but aside from the few positives I have found in the disorder, it sucks over-all. Maybe some autistics are perfectly happy to pursue special intrests without other people around...but some of us are lonely, we want freinds and we want to be accepted.

Maybe there are a few positives in autism, but at the same time we think and act differently than neurotypicals...so should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed.

I have seen some articles that seem to encourge exploitation of people with ASD disorders....like we have special computer skills or this or that that could be used for big buisiness. Well what about those of us who aren't intrested in that and don't have special technological skills?

It does suck most of the time. I don't really like having it, because I get made fun of for it, mainly because I'm above my class average in math, language, technology, and science. I get told that I'm an emo nerd, which is partially true, but I don't like it. If I could, I wish that I could go back to the day when I got diagnosed with it, and find a way to reverse it.

Originally Posted by Hellion

Sorry but aside from the few positives I have found in the disorder, it sucks over-all. Maybe some autistics are perfectly happy to pursue special intrests without other people around...but some of us are lonely, we want freinds and we want to be accepted.

Maybe there are a few positives in autism, but at the same time we think and act differently than neurotypicals...so should we be persecuted for that or more accepted? I think more accepted is the right way to proceed.

I have seen some articles that seem to encourge exploitation of people with ASD disorders....like we have special computer skills or this or that that could be used for big buisiness. Well what about those of us who aren't intrested in that and don't have special technological skills?

I agree but there are positives to our condition such as our special interests. We tend to delve into things much more passionately than neurotypicals do. As far as the social problems, that does suck big time. I have been blessed to not have a whole heck of a lot in terms of social difficulties. Maybe a little bit of missing body language here and there, but no major impairment in interaction. I do have the special interests though, big time. I get truly "obsessed" with things far, far beyond what a neurotypical would. I do manage to largely avoid blabbing about my special interests to people though but still the executive functioning issues definitely does make life with our condition very challenging at times unfortunately. I can barely focus so that is what impedes my life the most

You know I think it's just one of those cases again where there's something special about someone and the world says all the right stuff like "yes, we should accept everyone as equals" but it just doesn't happen in reality. It doesn't matter how much awareness you create, people with mental retardation, HIV, schizophrenia, etc. etc. still get isolated and left one side, no matter what the world says out there. It's just not "cool" to hang out with people with problems, that's how it's always been. And, yes, the world really is that shallow, save a few people who really care. If you're not "normal", you're not in. It's just too much effort for people to handle you. I can't see why the same "rule" would not apply to us with autism/AS too. It's just another case of "weirdo alert, let's get outta here!" or "freak on the loose!" or US <-------------------------------> THEM.

[anxiousdove]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It's hard to accept someone the way they are when it destroys your own life. It's only been a few months ago after researching asperger's (ASD) deeply after H's pdoc said there was something more than ADD wrong with him & the first T I went to after leaving H 7 years ago suggested that it sounded like he had asperger's.

Great...special interest....science fiction books he could take about as if it were real life & when he was reading or watching TV it would take a baseball bad on his head to even get his attention. (I never used the baseball bat but it was sure tempting).....that didn't get the bill's paid on time nor did it get problems solved when they required telephone communication. 33+ years of thinking that he needed practice taking care of the problems that I always ended up having to clean up after him. 33+ years of a marriage that had NO emotional connection. 33+ years of him taking things he was told literally & thinking there was no way of working around what he was told when I finally would find out......I would just end up blowing up because the solution was so simple for me to handle.....& there is ALWAYS a work around.

When he believed in something there was no changing his mind....using credit cards as long as you can make the minimum monthly payment. You have to own whole life life insurance.....ugh....my mentor business professor helped me know that my H was so far off on his thinking.....but he would never change his mind on anything he thought....& then his favorite irritating issues was thinking he knew something so much that he would actually tell me as in it was a FACT....then I would find out it wasn't that way.....so I constantly felt like I was being lied to.

I lived 33 years in a marriage from hell that in so many ways felt abussive to me.......& it wasn't until a few months ago when I realized that his whole behavior patterns did in reality show aspergers in EVERY WAY....it was only then I could release the anger I felt toward him.....I still don't like his attiudes....or in reality....I really don't like him as a person to have to live with. He was a nice person & I can't say otherwise.....but living with someone & being their H is a lot different than thinking a person is a nice person......the 2 are NOT EQUAL.

My H didn't care about making the marriage work.....he didn't care about working on the things that don't work in marriage....& we both decided that it would have been much better if we had never been married.....but you can't go back 33 years & fix something that huge......& it took over 7 years of being away from him to realize that it wasn't my inability to continue tolerating him that destroyed the marriage.....as he said he expected I would do because I had tolerated him for so long. There comes a point in everyone's life when one finally has to leave the miserable situation.

I honestly wish that I had listened to that little voice inside that warned me about getting married.....but back in 1975.....asperger's wasn't much known about let alone Dx'ed....& I just sensed that something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it.....& my mother said he would grow up & become responsible when he had to.....that was definitely not true.....& that points all that much more to the fact that I'm sure all those years it was asperger's that was messing up the marriage.

I don't think honestly even if I knew it was asperger's back in those days that it would have changed my ability to live with all the things that it caused in my life.......but maybe I would have left sooner than later & maybe I wouldn't have gone through the horrible depression & suicide attacks that I did in order to escape the bad marriage when I felt there was no way out.

There are definitely both sides to the asperger's picture. It definitely places challenges in your lives.....but those challenges were placed on others whose normal life they destroyed financially & emotionally.......& it was a struggle to figure out now a nice guy could be so impossible to be around......but the only good thing that happened in my life was leaving him & really finding out who the real ME was after all those years.

People don't choose to be on the spectrum.

There is so much here that offends me in this post that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

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[eskielover]

I know they don't choose & I know that he didn't choose. Remember that back in 1975 when we got married asperger's wasn't even in the DSM until 1994 & even his ADD wasn't diagnosed until 2005.....& I didn't even realize that the reason for his behavior was due to aspergers until a couple of months ago after doing more research on what may have been the cause of his behavior over those years.

Obviously when you don't know there is a reason for behavior that is destroying a marriage & there is no reason that even existed out there, one initially can only think that what they are doing is their choice which after so many years is obvious that it would grow into anger.

That was my point is that now I am sure that the reason for his behavior is aspergers, the anger for his behavior is gone. I grieve not having had a normal marriage.....& at this point there is no way that the marriage could continue......but I am glad that I finally understand the reason behind all that happened for so many years......just as those who finally appreciate getting a Dx so they understand why their lives have been that way,.....those of us who have lived with it appreciate the understanding also even though one can never repair that many years of an unsuccessful marriage.....at least the anger of thinking the behavior was intentional is GONE.

So I think you totally missed the point of what I posted.

[Hellion]

^uhh I am confused anxiousdoves post..is in response to a post that does not even exist in this thread....?

[anxiousdove]

Originally Posted by Hellion

^uhh I am confused anxiousdoves post..is in response to a post that does not even exist in this thread....?

It looks to have been deleted

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[Lemongrab]

Having Asperger's is hard. I struggle every day with maintaining my routine, managing anxiety and battling slumps of depression. It's like my mind wants to break free of the obsessions and OCD but every time I try I fail and I go back to my routines and stims that make me feel safe and calm.
So no, being on the spectrum isn't "fun" or "cool", anymore than people joking about "the voices in their heads" makes them seem edgy.
Having this condition makes for an interesting and different life, in my opinion, but it is one that is often fraught with judgment, lack of acceptance and hardship.

[Real_not_perfect]

I guess I can say I'm "ok" with having aspergers, but it is awful being in social situations and growing up. When you're a child it's easier to get away with since most people think "Kids just being kids" but then once you're older it's awkward and a bit scary.

[-jimi-]

I think I need to get myself in more situations where my aspiness is needed and appreciated.

I've been living in the normal world too long now.....

[BobbyDavis]

Look. Nobody said having disabilities like Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s etc is a walk in the park but judging by some of the posts I have been reading on this this thread and other threads in this section you defeat yourself by revelling in negativity and if you want to change things you need to take life into your own hands and do it yourself. Nobody is going to do that for you and I don’t mean to sound heartless but complaining about it isn’t going to fix it. There are worse things in the world than the above and my Wife has Endometrioses and some other rare diseases and suffers from chronic pain and all of my disabilities (Asperger’s, ADHD and OCD) are nothing compared to that.

[-jimi-]

Are you kidding me???

I both have a quite terrible physical illness that will probably kill me at the end, and it is nothing compared to my anxiety and stuff. That is the truth in my world. Someone else's world might be different where mental pain is a walk in the park.... but that is their reality. No one's reality is LESS VALID and saying so make you quite a butt IMO.

Myself I don't hate having Asperger's and ADD, but I DO hate having anxiety and panic. I do what I can with my life with my mental and physical issues because no one is boohooing me for my physical stuff either, you know, no one cares. It is my problem, and maybe it should remain so. I've worked through the pain many times.

Comparing pain is utterly useless. We feel what we feel. Sometimes people have a crappy day with their stuff and this is where we come to vent and IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED. It doesn't mean we all sit and gobble chips drinking soda watching TV and cry over our lives all day long. Many people here are actually very strong.

So there.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by BobbyDavis

Look. Nobody said having disabilities like Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s etc is a walk in the park but judging by some of the posts I have been reading on this this thread and other threads in this section you defeat yourself by revelling in negativity and if you want to change things you need to take life into your own hands and do it yourself. Nobody is going to do that for you and I don’t mean to sound heartless but complaining about it isn’t going to fix it. There are worse things in the world than the above and my Wife has Endometrioses and some other rare diseases and suffers from chronic pain and all of my disabilities (Asperger’s, ADHD and OCD) are nothing compared to that.

Where did I imply anyone said those things where a walk in the park?

Also you know nothing about my life, I am currently in therapy/treatment for my Depression/Anxiety/PTSD and I guess some of the difficulties that come with aspergers...I spent a lot of time/energy to the point of stress overload to get on SSI and I am making due with my current life as best I can...also trying to consider moving out but that's not my first priority really at this point.

So do me a favor and don't blame me for having mental problems, yes having depression makes it hard to see the bright side its not like I want it that way, or I just need to 'try harder' to be positive, I have a lot of crap on my plate to deal with and am doing the best I can with it.

I also don't see where I said complaining about things fixes it, but being this is a mental health support site I figure its ok to talk about my problems and complain about things that bother me in an attempt to get feedback from others who can relate or support. IRL a lot of times I will keep concerns to myself or how horrible I feel as to not bring anyone else down...but I have to have an outlet somewhere hence why I come to sites like this as well as going to therapy currently.

Also it is a matter of opinion what conditions are 'worse' or whatever, either way I don't care to have a pissing contest over which conditions are worse...also thinking of people having it worse than me does nothing to make me feel better, usually I just feel sad for those people. Also though other people having it better or worse, does not make what I have to deal with any easier or less valid than it is so not really sure what your point with that is.