[HelloWorld18]

1. I have no sense of boundaries

I'm constantly going overboard with things without realizing it. I say things at the WORST of times, and most of the time, I'm not sneaky about it, I'll just say it without thinking of the surrounding.

2. I've always been smart. But with things that I enjoy

So I'm smart, but only with things that I choose. Like, I have an interest in medications. Its not a druggie type of interest, just an interest in how they work in the body and what they do. Yet, I've been terrible at school, in particular math. When I'm researching things I enjoy, such as drugs. I read everything about them. I read what they do, how they do it, side effects, drug classification, how its abused, why its abused, etc. Literally. I find enjoyment from that. I'm an especial expert with the drugs I take or have taken (which is what I enjoy researching about, MY medications). I know so much about drugs like Provigil, Xanax, Prozac, etc. I am a walking researching paper lol. I've also given legal advice that had proved me to be right. Now, my friend who has a court date for shoplifting went to me for advice. I'm flattered. But its because I had told him the consequences of shoplifting, and I turned out to be exactly right.

3. I've always had trouble making friends

So people always either think one of two things, or both. I'm nice, or I'm weird. Just today, two people talked about me behind my back saying I'm dumb. Oddly enough, I've never really ever been called that. Everyone has always said "You're a really smart kid. You just don't apply yourself", which is something they probably say to everyone (teachers) (FYI. I am not at all emotionally effected by them saying that, it's actually an odd feeling hearing that. It's like, wow, i've never been called that haha). I've also, I admit it, act years younger than my age. I'm 19, and act like I'm 15. When I was 15, I acted like I was 12. etc. Like there are two different sides of me, fun, immature side and dead serious mature side. I can turn it on and off if i find necessary (AKA, turn it on in serious situations, or when I talk about politics).

4. I had a delay with speaking when I was a baby

So I've been through a ton of emotional pain, and when my dad made it sound like I was a mess up from the beginning. He pointed out that I didn't begin speaking and making sentences till I was like 4-5 years old (approx.).

5. I have trouble when talking in social situations

So my writing/typing english is extremely, extremely good (especially when I apply myself), yet when I want to say something I know how to say it perfectly in my head. It comes out different. Ive had several people compliment my writing skills, and use of grammar (ie. theyre, their, there; swim, swam, swum) , i sound very adultish. Yet when i talk, i honestly wonder if people think i have a serious mental illness just because it doesn't come out the way i do. i don't know why. i know i get really scared and nervous, but even when I'm perfectly comfortable i stutter, mess up, or just sound plain stupid. its embarrassing, really. Thats why using a computer and typing is so much better as it truly displays my intelligence. its like when i have to talk, i really have to work hard on making it sound right and like I'm making sense. whereas typing (esp) allows that figurative 'barrier' to be removed and its just my mind and the words, nothing involving my mind sending the thought to my voice box (analogy).

6. I have Major depressive disorder, but believe to be bipolar

Idk i read somewhere that this is common or something with autism.

7. I don't know how to fully live on my own

i feel like i could. but i would just need help and guidance when it comes to making BIG decisions and doing things like taxes.

8. I talk a lot, yet not at all

People Im comfy with i talk their ear off. anyone i don't feel comfortable around i don't talk at all. I'm shy at first until you get to know me.

9. I had 'tics' that my dad made fun of

it's hard to explain. because i controlled them. If i didn't do it though, it would just annoy me and cause anxiety (ocd?). These ticks included head jerking (as if I'm knodding yes, but instead, a single, hard jerk). Intentional jaw jerking (I would jerk my jaw in a specific direction, and it would make a popping sound). and even (most embarrassing and noticeabe) a whole face facial expression. Like I squint my whole face together (using the facial muscles not hands). i don't have to do it, but it feels better when ido it.

10. My eyes lack depth perceptions

My optometrist told me. I have a hard time with how far something is.

11. terrible hand writing (can't control it, weird ik), beautiful signature.

*took the psych central autistic test and tested 'highly possible' or the phrase akin to that one.

EDIT: OMG i just realized something. back in 7th grade when i moved to my moms school (she's a special ed teacher), she had me be a student aid for another special ed teacher, who primarily served autistic kids and some with down syndrome. Possibly, she had me a student aide for that teacher so she could get a 'second opinion' on whether or not i was autistc? my mom told me she questioned whether or not i had autism.

I also want to add, that as embarrassing as it is to admit, now. Back in 7th grade I would throw 'fits'. I did it in class once, and looking back i feel so embarrassed. but I threw a 'fit' (i was angry and made it vocal and visible) in front of the teacher and a few other students (because it was my turn in line but she wouldnt give me attention when it was my turn, as i was waiting awhile in line). i also had EXTREME anger fits, kinda like something else would take over me.

[kaliope]

if you think that you have autism, it is a good idea to see a professional to be evaluated.

[HelloWorld18]

Originally Posted by kaliope

if you think that you have autism, it is a good idea to see a professional to be evaluated.

i will be i just want opinions.

[Lexi232]

Thats a pretty well made out list there!
my honest opinion is that it seems a lot of it is "like" that, but not exactly what happens. there could also be other causes. and any meds you might be on could be affecting or masking some things. im not saying that you arent, and im not in any way someone who can diagnose anything. meltdowns can be precieved as fits by the people looking on the outside, because they appear to be showing anger. but its not anger associated. its when the brain has too much stimuli on the senses where it has a meltdown and they are usually not something with where the person is able to be alert(conciously able to plan or think or problem solve) until after the meltdown.
its a really great gift that youre able to know exactly what you want to say when writting it. (i struggle a lot with that. its all there.. but stuck.. i think in pictures. words are only a foreign language that i constantly have to interpret to understand. and often i cant explain what im trying to, and i get frustrated at myself. people on the outside think im great with words and explaining things... but im not. and i havent been able to explain why im not.. which in itself is me showing that im not great at expressing myself.. but they tend to think that them stating how well im expressing myself and trying to counteract/void what i said, they think after saying that, it ends with that... the fact is, it just begins with that. )

im primarily thinking of classic autism when im referring to "my honest opinion" , i know very little about PDD-NOS, and where those who lost the diagnosis in this past dsm book change- where they went on the diagnosis, as the book mentions those that no longer meet the criteria will meet a different criteria (but ive not found what that moved to). any meds can also mask or alter your symptoms on the spectrum.

and as its a spectrum, not one person is identical, so its super hard even giving a personal opinion on it, because i dont want to discourage you. in the end, its how these things affect you, and if the care that can be given to those on the spectrum will greatly benefit you and is desperetly needed and seeked by you, then youre probably "spot on" about you being autistic.