I think I have ego-maniacal/narcissistic tendencies

OK. Is this the right way of looking at it for me - this thing I want to do, this company I want to open - I will say it is about 50% for wanting to do something for the world and 50% wanting to do it for myself. Is that the right proportion to follow do you think?

Also, what am I doing wrong - I am trying to be confident with people. So I will go up to people and talk with them, and they are friendly. Then, I will say, let us go and have a lunch together, sometimes they say yes. Then, after that I say I want to see them again, then they say no. I try to approach people, but they don't seem like they want me to approach them. Why am I putting the people off? I am trying to be as friendly as possible, it doesn't work. After getting rejected, I pretty much give up for a while again, until one day I try a little again, then I fail and give up a few months again. I just continue to fail.

I think a lot of it is just because I am not in shape. I think I have to have a good body first before I can have people in my life. I don't think people like to hang out with an out of shape person.

To be quite frank, they do not care about my apologies. How many times did the piggy police arrest me because they reported me over Facebook messages that were harmless? Hell, I am lucky not to be in prison right now. If they cry about being harassed, the law will step in to help them in an instant because they portray me to be a stalker. The fact that police went through the bother to trace my mobile phone signal just proves everybody thinks I am nuts.

Yes. Screw my feelings. It seems I fell for some "idealistic" versions of them from an era that is long gone. Memories can fool you that way. But they changed. Everybody does. And I only met them because of having this shite disability. Sad, yet true. They are not even shy about rubbing that in my face either. We would never have became friends regardless of whether all this had happened to put an end to us or not.

Sara has her own social life outside of work, and she (at least when I saw her last), had a boyfriend. They were at that charity band night together. You see, being a twat, she would never shout at me in a place like The Three Sisters in front of other people, because it is a public place, but get me in the office with her and a few of her co-workers, and it is a different matter. Bullies really are cowards.

I do not mean to be harsh on myself by bursting my own bubble here, but I had no chance with either of those ladies, and I was a fool for thinking that I could be a partner to them or even a good pal. There is a reason I live on benefits and these neurotypical darlings get everything handed to them on a silver platter. It may be I am finally admitting I am a loser, but I see no need to lie when reality kicks me in the balls.

Face it; I was not even in their league tables.

Peter, I'm going to PM you on that one. Can you maybe turn on your PM for a bit so I can contact you? Thanks. It's a little personal and I don't want everyone to see.

I don´t really know what´s the right way..just can tell you what was the right way for me.. I took fully 100% for me first. I entirely focused on myself to get to know who I am, and besides I had to disappoint people, this was sometimes hard but healing to me. I used to imagine, it´s like when we ´re all drowning in a sea and there is one lifeboat, if I want to really save/improve other people´s live, I have to save my own first, to get myself into the boat first and in this position, after I´ve taken care for myself I am able to give, to help. I think very important is to keep caring for oneself.
well like I said, this is just what I can tell about me and my life. I don´t know if this is helping you..
One very importans step to me was that I moved away from my parents influence. I began my own life, this was very importrant in terms of caring for myself

you´re very hard to yourself, saying this. Do you really want to be friends with people who just like you for your shape?

I don't have any other qualities. My personality sucks, I am a rubbish person to be with. Maybe if I look good I have one good thing going for me.

YOU DO look good! 😀 And you have a great personality! AND YOU'RE NOT RUBBISH!!!

RIGHT!!!
don´t tear yourself down, that´s not what you deserve

OK. I will. I was in bed earlier. I had a massive headache from using sildenafil (a common side effect) and so I was not feeling too great.

Just been plodding along otherwise. Nothing eventful ever happens. But I am rather ticked off about not having my things with me, like all my DVD's, but I have to appeal losing the flat and those two workers after the course case is hopefully over with on Friday, which isn't too far away now.