On the run from the pigs!

Yeah. I contacted Sara and Joanna again. I am so majorly peed off about the direction my life has headed in. It is just that they are getting away with their deceitful actions and all my stuff was moved back with my family and their house is a huge mess. The company caused all of this by lying. Yet now I am the sore loser due to their blunders.

Yeah it's not an easy situation at all Peter - hang in there please.

It's not nice when we steer off course as to where we originally perceived our lives to be heading.

In some respects this has made me a better person today because of this; remember that no matter what life throws at you you are a better person than all of this nonsense that Sara and Joanna are putting you through.

I know. The sad part is, they WANT to wreck my life.

Why would you once again contact people you feel ruined/are ruining your life especially if it gets you in trouble? It just makes no sense...it is one of those why would you want to put yourself through all that crap again? situations. Well all I can say is try and get through this and once whatever happens happens DO NOT CONTACT them again.

They certainly are displaying a ton of hostility. I have been out in the freezing cold for days now. Bed and breakfast guest houses are not cheap and last night, I went to a hostel I had stayed in once before recently and they knew the police are after me. This tart at the reception desk was acting odd when I showed her my I.D. and I thought, that is it. I need to dash. God, I ran like the wind!

Will you be remanded in custody when the police finally apprehend you - as they will? Your best interests might lie in seeking legal advice and perhaps you can avoid custody.

I am tired and too afraid to go home.

hey peter

how are you doing?

how is your situation?

hope you are managing okay

As hard as it is, I (for the sake of my health and freedom) need to try to forget about Sara and Joanna, and keep them as 'good memories' while getting on with my own life. Easier said than done of course, but it is really just futile now to find a way to make them listen, as they obviously no longer care about my apologies or my feelings. Not only are they not responding, it is just bringing forth more legal drama each time they notify the pigs about me breaching my court order, because they do do that. We only had a professional relationship anyway. Those tend to be very brief and unfortunately, this is one horrible situation that has transgressed into quite the ordeal over how I reacted to losing them in the first place, as the seniors did lie to me amid their tales of how I made them feel uncomfortable when I can swear blind, that I did not do anything wrong. Face it - they are gone for good and it is time I accepted that nothing is going to reverse what has happened.

The pigs have been at my parents' place looking for me. I intend to talk to them no later than the early hours of Tuesday morning so if need be, I can go to court and get this mess finally sorted out. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time hanging around in a dell (a woodland area) just to avoid them, but you cannot sleep in the countryside unless you have a tent to keep yourself warm in. It is way too cold and dark to be able to walk around the pathways. To make matters worse, I ended up with huge blisters on my feet which might be caused by hot sweaty feet and not being able to change my clothes for obvious reasons. Now I am finding it painful to walk about.

I was in a hostel for just a night and then a B&B once. Upon attempting to re-enter the cheap hostel to rest up on Friday night there, the staff had been alerted of me and attempted to call the police, so I ran off. Imagine being arrested on a Friday and Monday is a public holiday. Court resumes on Tuesday, so you will be banged up in a small cell until then should you be arrested, which happened to a mate of mine. Seriously, I thought she was acting strange. Then she asked someone to call the police since she had an image of me or something. The receptionist had taken my bus pass and debit card. Fortunately I got them back from my mother recently, but I've been way too scared to go back home, and I am terrified.

I thought about getting a new lawyer who could perhaps do more to fight this injustice. The police claim they only want to talk - not to arrest me. But if I violated a court order, surely it is protocol to arrest me. So why say that I will not be arrested? That is just a way to sweet talk me into surrendering instead of running away.

Sure. And pigs may very well fly after all.

You need legal representation. The courts will take mental health into account. You broke a court order - you will eventually have to face the consequences.

With suitable representation you will be able to get the most appropriate sentence, which should not involve custody in the general prison population, and in a sensible world not involve custody at all because you are clearly unable to understand the law and consequences in a way that people who do not have mental illness are expected to do, and it is therefore futile to punish you. Sorry to have to say that, but I think that is the way it is.

Happily Scottish law is generally more humane than English law. I hope it works out for you.

Ah, I feel for you man. Damn, that temptation to once again make contact with those people you care about but who want nothing to do with you. Don't I know that feeling. It is so hard to stay away and not to think about them. Hugs brother.

I get how you feel. It's like those people can do the most horrible things to you, but you still love them and care about them. Most people want revenge on someone who wrongs them, but these persons, you just can't find it in yourself to distance yourself from them or resent them for lying to you or hurting you. If they were to welcome you back tomorrow, you'd jump at the chance to be part of their lives again. Oh man, don't I know this feeling so well. I've got to stop writing now, I'm getting tears in my eyes just thinking about the person in my life who fits this description.

Because deep down he cares too much about them to remove them from his life and his thoughts.

Hey, guys.

I was arrested once again on 21 May. My bail was opposed the next day in court, then a week later I was fully committed. This meant I was unable to receive bail between hearings and I was finally released today during my diet, when my lawyer put in for a guilty plea. The PF branded me as a sex offender and I got an unexpected transfer to the Barlinnie jail in Glasgow, on 5 June.

My mother come to see me and paid in money for my PPC account, but it was a bit of a trek getting 6 buses at a time.

All I did was send more apologies to Sara's partner, and as usual, I was reported to the pigs. The PF wants a non harassment order put in place for the guy I contacted as well.

Anyway, I'm done talking about them for good now, as the more I talk about them, the more unhealthy it becomes. They're out of my life now and therefore any attempts to re-insert them into my life will just see me go back to 'the fun house' for longer, so there is *ABSOLUTELY* no point in trying to make amends, or whatever. It won't happen now.

Sheriff Crowe in Edinburgh is a sound guy. Any other judge could have outright jailed me (and jail isn't a great place for anybody - never mind a man with autism).

It's sad, I know. But they do not care anymore. And when they feel it has gone beyond a professional relationship, that's territory best left alone!

As for support workers in general: I feel that's run its course too, because while certain ones are OK, they are at the end of a day just doing it per their job requirements and it rarely leads to actual friendships forming, again due to their strict policies.

Glad to be back home, though. Who wouldn't be?

Man, am I glad to hear from you again bro! I'm glad you're at least not in the "fun house" anymore as you put it.

Yes, I think the same way you are thinking, sometimes something has just run its course and you have to move on. I'm so happy to report that I also no longer think about that girl anymore either! It's amazing, it's like a new life almost, and I can't wait for it to begin. I have dreams again, inspiration to fulfil them, and I feel alive again. The best part is, I've been through the sh---t, so it can only get better!

It's a pity you read my previous posts now only, because that's so not the case anymore. That's history, forget about those posts. They might have been true, but don't hold anymore.

You'll see bro, it improves much quicker than you think it will. Let the fun and the new life commence!

Yeah, I know. They basically betrayed me and I think the fair thing to do would have been to have pulled me aside for a chat, right at the beginning of this mess. That unfortunately did not happen because they did not respect me enough to tell me the truth (when Sara and Joanna decided they felt too uncomfortable to offer me support). They know how obsessive I was over Laura in the past, so they sensed these ladies would be my newest targets, which is why they were keeping us apart at their request. And I still cannot believe TWO pretty basic text messages that I sent in 2013 caused my beloved caregivers to turn against me and land me in prison 3 times. Well, that and all the gossip. Even if I did breach the client / worker boundaries, there's such a thing as fairness. It would not have gotten so out of hand had they been honest. They realized this all too late.

They stitched me up and then I got more and more frustrated over the loss of these two women. The assistant director even conned me to declare away my tenancy in March and I sent dozens of emails, but nobody really responded to them. That isn't to say they were all bad people at the agency, but a lot of the outreach workers could not offer a great deal of commentary on my situation for obvious reasons, so I felt like nobody was really on my side. They probably felt I had a right to be angry to an extent, yet they could not back me up. Employees generally cannot intervene.

Jail sucked, for sure. However, it was actually kind of relaxing in prison. The first night center was in the D Hall, but I ended up in the E Hall after the first weekend there. It's a protection wing, full of sex offenders. They doubled me up with a con. He wore red being that he was doing a sentence. It was due to the spacing that we shared a cell. They generally never put blue coded (untried) inmates together, but he didn't smoke so that's why we were co-pilots for a month. Once somebody got a transfer, they put me in a cell, but I was alone for several weeks until an older man come in.

You only got recreation if it was raining, as they usually just offered you exercise in the yard. The pool tables are in a separate hall. There is things on offer like PT, the library and classes, but I stopped going to education. They wanted you to write poems in Scottish instead of English, which I did not enjoy.

By the sound of things, he was set up too. He claimed his stepdaughter **** on him due to the fact he disapproved of her boyfriend and everything had been OK, but he kept things from his wife about her because she was using drugs, having underage sex, etc. He got arrested where he was accused of touching her friend. While on bail, he handed in money to a school and he got nicked for 'indirect' contact, or something.

I'll have to get my ESA and DLA up and running again. That should hopefully be quick and easy. It's annoying when they treat it as a fresh claim. Too much filling in boring forms full of hard-to-answer questions.

Yeah, I feel you man. In my case it was three little words that destroyed my relationship with her - "I love you", LOL.

Ah, I can imagine how prison must really suck, never good in any scenario. But, at least it's over. I would rather sit and fill in a hundred boring forms than to go and sit there.

I hope your claims come through for you, all the best with that bro.

Yeah, I know all this stuff that happened causes damage in one's life, but I have discovered that it's more damaging to try and fix things when there is not a will (not from my side though) for them to be fixed. People say where there is a will there is a way, but, by the same token where there is a will for there to be no way, then there will be no way, and that lies with the women in both our cases unfortunately. The best thing to do for your own sanity is to leave it at that and find ways of changing your own life. Things vastly improved for me when I distanced myself from any contact with that girl whatsoever. You can't work with someone who doesn't want to work with you, that's what I learnt basically, and at some point, you just have to leave them. And, what it also says to me is, she has just as many issues or even more than what I have. Someone who doesn't want to be loved, whether they want to accept it or not, has a serious problem. At least I accept and admit to mine, and try to deal with them, they live in denial and one day, it will hit them like a ton of bricks.

I think it's not uncommon to be left high and dry, when you have autism.

Good luck to my ex-co-pilot for Friday. He's in court as well.

Yep, that's true. It's that whole thing about being different and unfathomable by others. People avoid what they can't work out. I liken myself to a difficult math problem - too challenging. But, I try not to hold it against people, I try to understand it from their point of view. I mean, sure it hurts me, but I let them go if they do decide to run away from me, I don't try to stop them anymore by trying to explain and put them at ease, because it doesn't help. Leaves me pretty lonely though.

Since the G4S people assumed I was coming back to the prison, they didn't bother to bring my possessions with me in their van, so I have to travel to Barlinnie to get the stuff I had back within 28 days. I'll be on curfew too until 15 September, by the way. This means that I have to stay in my bail address from 9 at night to 6 in the morning. How dumb is that?

Ah, so I assume it's far and you'll have to travel more than one day in total. You might have to work something out, I dunno. Maybe they can escort you or go with you?

Nah. It's only around 45 miles or less.