[muffinhead]

About a week and a half ago, I had my first kiss with a girl (I'm 19 years old and in college). We made out for two hours and I spent the night with her. Prior to this, we had a very deep conversation, and I told her about having aspergers. She was the first person who ever expressed genuine interest in me and my condition. Thing is, she is the RA of my dorm, so it could never develop into anything more than just one night. So, with this overwhelming feeling of being loved and cared about for the first time in my life, I had to let everything go. I expressed a desire to be friends with her, which she has agreed with, but I became fixated on her, and wanted to spend way too much time with her. She said that she felt very uncomfortable with this obsession, so I have limited myself to spending one time a month with her. Yet, I still have these ruminative thoughts about her. I need advice on how to get over this wonderful yet painful experience, and move on.

[Angelique67]

Hi muffinhead. It's too bad your first experience had to happen with someone who's unavailable. My advice would be to open yourself up to all the possibilities there are with new girls to meet. When you find someone new to spend time with, this obsession will end. Good luck.

I don't quite follow why you are not allowed to be with this girl. How did you guys make out and spend the night together when you're not supposed to be together?

If I were you I would consider if there is truly love and interest from her side. This sounds all too familiar like someone using an excuse to try and mask their true feelings about someone with autism/Asperger's.

She's already let slip that this makes her feel uncomfortable. Yet, she didn't mind spending the night with you and making out. Sounds like somewhere something is not adding up.

I was in love with a girl too once, but I had to realize I was in love with what I believed she was, not who she truly was. I saw an amazing lovable girl, whilst in reality she is a man-chaser and too shallow for a solid relationship, which I figured out eventually when I confessed I loved her and she totally cracked up on me. I figured her out by thinking back to her actions, her words, the conversations we had, and the type of guy she dated who was in our class.

I've been there. People lie. But, the truth is hidden in plain sight. Be rational and logical and take note of little things she says and does. Therein you will find truth and a wealth of information. Don't be blind like I was!

[muffinhead]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

I don't quite follow why you are not allowed to be with this girl. How did you guys make out and spend the night together when you're not supposed to be together?

If I were you I would consider if there is truly love and interest from her side. This sounds all too familiar like someone using an excuse to try and mask their true feelings about someone with autism/Asperger's.

She's already let slip that this makes her feel uncomfortable. Yet, she didn't mind spending the night with you and making out. Sounds like somewhere something is not adding up.

I was in love with a girl too once, but I had to realize I was in love with what I believed she was, not who she truly was. I saw an amazing lovable girl, whilst in reality she is a man-chaser and too shallow for a solid relationship, which I figured out eventually when I confessed I loved her and she totally cracked up on me. I figured her out by thinking back to her actions, her words, the conversations we had, and the type of guy she dated who was in our class.

I've been there. People lie. But, the truth is hidden in plain sight. Be rational and logical and take note of little things she says and does. Therein you will find truth and a wealth of information. Don't be blind like I was!

She knew that it was forbidden to do such a thing in her position, but she continued anyway, because of "perfect storm" conditions. I know for a fact she isn't trying to hurt me, just that she is alarmed by my obsession with her. Also, she knows that if I become too attached to her, then I'll be left in pieces when she leaves this year (she's a senior, remember). There were never any promises of a relationship from her, in fact she mentioned several times during that night that it felt so wrong to her, but I think passion overwhelmed her. So, I can understand her perspective and she can somewhat understand mine, but there's the fundamental issue of how much attachment is too much, especially in a now non-romantic relationship.

Originally Posted by muffinhead

She knew that it was forbidden to do such a thing in her position, but she continued anyway, because of "perfect storm" conditions. I know for a fact she isn't trying to hurt me, just that she is alarmed by my obsession with her. Also, she knows that if I become too attached to her, then I'll be left in pieces when she leaves this year (she's a senior, remember). There were never any promises of a relationship from her, in fact she mentioned several times during that night that it felt so wrong to her, but I think passion overwhelmed her. So, I can understand her perspective and she can somewhat understand mine, but there's the fundamental issue of how much attachment is too much, especially in a now non-romantic relationship.

Don't allow this girl to break your heart man. She is not being honest and is looking for excuses, now she is trying to make it your fault, it's your "obsession" and what-not, and trying to blame other things - her position, etc. It's nonsense. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she is making a fool out of you.

I tell you this because I was there. It's always the sweetest, nicest girls who break your heart. Why? Because it's nothing but a front they put on. They have misandry issues. They know they can get a man's attention by the way they present themselves, and then break one heart after another, whether intentional or not. It's nothing but a game to them.

She does not have the substance to have a committed relationship with someone, that's the real reason. It's got nothing to do with you, her position, etc. etc.

Ever heard of convenient circumstances/excuses? It's nothing but pure luck that she now has "something" to use to try and get rid of you. She just can't admit that she just wanted to be with you that one night but can't find it in herself to be with you.

It's like those murderers you see on TV in the courtroom who get off on a technical point, some technical point of "the law". It's all nonsense, and the whole world knows the person is guilty, but you just can't prove it in court, so the person gets away.

Please try to forget about her, she is not the amazing girl you're trying to believe she is.

You are the man bro! You managed, with Asperger's, to get a girl interested in you! That's well done man. Don't give up. Forget about this damn girl and find a decent one, you've already proven to yourself you can do it! You can get such a nice girl, they ARE out there. But, they are like us, they are shy and don't come out often. So, you just need to look a little further than usual to find her.

You're at college. If you want the nice girls, look in the library, or those who are sitting studying in the study areas. Those are the serious decent girls to go for. And it's best to go for someone your own age too, in your year. You're still so young, damn wish I was 19 again. I don't want you to get caught by this girl. How old is she anyway? Like 21, 22? Just leave it bro.

[muffinhead]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

Don't allow this girl to break your heart man. She is not being honest and is looking for excuses, now she is trying to make it your fault, it's your "obsession" and what-not, and trying to blame other things - her position, etc. It's nonsense. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she is making a fool out of you.

I tell you this because I was there. It's always the sweetest, nicest girls who break your heart. Why? Because it's nothing but a front they put on. They have misandry issues. They know they can get a man's attention by the way they present themselves, and then break one heart after another, whether intentional or not. It's nothing but a game to them.

She does not have the substance to have a committed relationship with someone, that's the real reason. It's got nothing to do with you, her position, etc. etc.

Ever heard of convenient circumstances/excuses? It's nothing but pure luck that she now has "something" to use to try and get rid of you. She just can't admit that she just wanted to be with you that one night but can't find it in herself to be with you.

It's like those murderers you see on TV in the courtroom who get off on a technical point, some technical point of "the law". It's all nonsense, and the whole world knows the person is guilty, but you just can't prove it in court, so the person gets away.

Please try to forget about her, she is not the amazing girl you're trying to believe she is.

You are the man bro! You managed, with Asperger's, to get a girl interested in you! That's well done man. Don't give up. Forget about this damn girl and find a decent one, you've already proven to yourself you can do it! You can get such a nice girl, they ARE out there. But, they are like us, they are shy and don't come out often. So, you just need to look a little further than usual to find her.

You're at college. If you want the nice girls, look in the library, or those who are sitting studying in the study areas. Those are the serious decent girls to go for. And it's best to go for someone your own age too, in your year. You're still so young, damn wish I was 19 again. I don't want you to get caught by this girl. How old is she anyway? Like 21, 22? Just leave it bro.

Thanks a lot man. I realize that it really isn't my fault, and that I should be more empowered as an individual. I'll keep this in mind for the future.