[Kit-Tea]

I wrote this in a different section of this forum, but I'm hoping I'll get more help here... I've never done this before, but I feel lost and confused and I don't feel like other people understand even if I tell them the little information I understand about Aspergers. Before I begin with the background, I want to stress that I do not want to leave him I just simply want some advise and being able to understand what he could possibly be thinking. I also want to apologise for the length of the post.

I just want to start of with saying that I'm extremely shy and I believe I have anxiety (especially when it comes to socialising).

So I'll begin in early April I started messaging this guy which I'll call Gamerboy, he was quite charming and funny and he seem to accept my jokes and sarcasm. At the time I was somewhat involved with another guy, so I was just friends with him. Gamerboy messaged me almost daily either when he woke up or got home from college. A few weeks passed and things with the other guy weren't going well due to pressuring, so I left him. Gamerboy hinted he was interested in me, but we both agreed that dating online wasn't really dating and that we wouldn't count it as dating until we were together in person. We started to get to know one another and he told me about his Aspergers and gave me a quick run through on what it was. For a few weeks things went really well (we had said “I love you” a couple times as well), then on his last day of college he told me he had kissed another girl. He told me he had a crush on this girl during high school and she came up to him and without thinking about it he kissed her. Gamerboy also told me he felt guilty about it the whole day (I'm about 14hrs ahead of him). I insisted that he should go out with her (seeing as he had a crush on her), but he told me he wanted to be with me and that the girl was one of those girls that sleeps around. I didn't speak to him much for a few days, but he mentioned that the girl wanted him to go see her over the weekend and he refused to go. I ended up forgiving him and things were fine again for a little while.

I believe late May or June, he started acting different, his replies were delayed either by hours or days and they didn't sound like he was really interested in replying to me anymore. I didn't know what to do, so I started to ask for advise from people and they were all saying that he wasn't interested in me. I didn't believe them and kept trying to message him every couple of days or at least once a week. Eventually though in mid/late July I started to believe what everyone had been saying and stopped messaging him. During this time he was Snapchatting me with his outings and I would check out his story. On a couple occasions I saw him with this other girl and in my eyes they seemed to be more than friends as he was going to her house whilst she was still sleeping, ect (this could just be me getting jealous over nothing though).

Around late July/early August he finally messaged me again, he apologised for not messaging me and said the reason he hadn't been messaging me was because he was busy earning money to come here. Which I thought was a lie due to what I saw on Snapchat, however at the time I didn't really know how to react as I was shocked he was texting me again after a month and half. So I somewhat swept it under the mat. He asked me to Skype him then and there and I kept coming up with petty excuses such as "I'm crying right now and don't want you to see me", but he kept asking so I ended up saying something like "Because I don't want you near me right now". He went away overseas with his family for a few weeks (he said he would message me whilst oversea, but due to bad wifi he didn't which I was okay with), but requested to Skype when he came back. He messaged me as soon as he got home mid August and we tried to patch things up.

From late August to late October I wasn't dealing with life very well and became quite rude and mean towards Gamerboy, so we didn't text much. We organised to Skype during this period multiple times, but failed, either because he went out/forgot (which would always result in me getting mad at him) or I wasn't ready in time. During September sometime I saw on his Snapchat story a picture that said “Out on a date – not replying”, my heart literally felt like it broke and he messaged me when he got home, we argued about that. He explained to me that the picture meant he went out with his brother and brother's mate. We made up for that a few days later, I apologised for getting jealous over nothing and he apologised for putting something like that up. End of October I apologised for rude/mean behaviour and he told me his plans on starting a YouTube channel based on gaming.

We continued to try to Skype for a couple weeks, until I couldn't take the fact that he never showed up. I ended up getting really mad at him, and we tried to sort things out. I explained to him how communication was key at the moment as we can't do other things like a normal couple would (date wise anyways) and told him about my shyness (even though I had told him about this previously). He mentioned to me that he was trying to be what I wanted him to be, but was struggling and I told him to be himself as that was the guy I liked originally and that I thought he was being a jerk at the moment and was too busy trying to be popular to notice what was in front of him, which I instantly regretted. This made him mad as he didn't like that's how I was seeing him. So for about a month we asked each other questions and got to really know one another. During this time it seems like he accepted me as his girlfriend, started calling us a couple and started hinted he loves me.

Early December my older brother came up with the idea to swap our consoles, as I have a PS4 and he has an Xbox One. I believe he asked mainly due to the fact Black Ops 3 has/had some exclusive with PS4. Anyways, after thinking it through I decided to agree, I asked Gamerboy if he would game with me if I swapped, he said he would. I didn't do the swap until a few day before Christmas. I told Gamerboy a couple days after Christmas, as I wanted to make sure I had everything I needed (controller was broken and wanted a headset so I could talk with Gamerboy). I asked him if we could have a game on the weekend, and he said we could that day. At first I didn't want to because the game we were going to play (Black Ops 3) I'm terrible at and I wanted time to practice, but he said we could practice together, so I agreed. After having some issues with adding each other as a friend, he added me to a game. He probably spent about 5-10 mins trying to talk to me, with no answer from me as I was having a panic attack (just want to throw in here, that I've never let anyone online hear my voice before or say more than a few words), but I eventually answered and we played 2 games. I believe we spent about an hour to an hour and a half playing. He did most of the talking, and was really encouraging on how well I was gaming (I'm not sure I was doing that well though, as I spent 60-80% of the time hidden behind him).

A few days later my brother asked me if I had played Black Ops 3 and I mentioned I had but with someone. My brother guessed that Gamerboy was my boyfriend and asked me to organised a game with him. I organised for the game to happen over the weekend when it was morning time for Gamerboy. The day arrived when my brother and him were to have their game. However that morning he asked me if I wanted to have a game with him and I agreed. I spent about 2hrs online, before asking him if we were still gonna have a game, he said "in a bit" and I continued to wait for another hour before giving up. Night time came (morning for him) and my brother came over for their game, my brother spent about 2-3hrs online before deciding to go home. I got mad at him again and said to him "He managed to let me down twice in one day", he apologised. On an almost weekly bases I ask to have a game with him (as I don't want to be shy around him), he agrees but never shows up. I always organise to have the game on the weekend, as we're both busy during the week (although I know he plays video games daily). The last time I organised to have a game with him was about a week ago. I messaged him on the day, and he left me on "read" (but sometimes he replies and it doesn't show up for some reason until the next time he messages me). I messaged him a couple days after that to let him know that I wouldn't be bothering him as much anymore and that he could decide when we text and game. The message was delivered (but had the light D that Kik messages show). I again messaged him a few days later continuing the message I had previously written and the message was delivered again. I haven't been on the app until Wednesday/Thursday where it showed he been on the app but hadn't read my messages, so I messaged him again asking him to "answer me".

Additional stuff:
As far as I'm aware he works during the week, has his YouTube channel and goes out occasionally on the weekend. I don't really want to think about the fact that I could only be a side piece to him as he has told me that the females he's been out with have all been "easy" and the relationships all ended before 3 weeks, but one last longer (he didn't tell me how much longer though) as they all ended up doing things for other males. He's told me he doesn't want to be with that type of girl anymore.

He has asked about 5 (maybe less or more) times to Skype with me and once to play a game with me, he still doesn't show up then. The time he asked to game with me it was a couple of hours before I woke up, but I agreed and he still didn't show up, even though he was online. If I don't text him (generally because I'm busy or just don't want to talk), we don't even up texting for about a week/week and a half before he texts me. However when he disappeared on me last year, he didn't respond much and when I completed stopped texting him it was about 2 weeks afterwards he messaged me. There have also been a couple of occasions when he has randomly texted me "night babe (with a kiss emoji)" and one occasion when he texted me when he had been drinking as well (this was when the Snapchat pic about being on a "date" happen), I don't normally talk/text people when their drunk as they say things that make me feel like a sexual object, but I let him. During that drunk text (which lasted about 30mins-1hr) he spoke about how much he liked me (said I was a special girl), how he wanted us to be together, ect.

[eskielover]

Asperger's or not....he is just keeping you there at his convenience & has no real interest in you unless he has nothing that he considers better going on in his life.....he's just telling you he loves you & that he's interested in you to keep you hanging around for his convenience.....& it's obvious by the times he doesn't "show" that you are not a high priority in his life. Don't bother waiting around for him especially with a long distance relationship.

I did that my senior year of high school & got a letter (before cell phones & texting or even email) that he got married to the girl he was dating. Lol 6 months later I got another letter telling me how bad his marriage was & he wanted out. Only thing he got from me was a "poor baby...you made your choice....live with it".

He doesn't even know you to tell you he loves you. Love grows from being together, trusting each other....anything else is wishful thinking & fantasy. Don't waste your time on this guy he's sure not wasting his time on you.

[hazn]

Simple question... what is it you like about this person? Tell us what qualities he has that makes him a good candidate to be your boyfriend. Make a list of the top 5-8 things you want in a relationship, and post back with the ones he meets/doesn't meet.

[-jimi-]

Sounds like a typical guy thing. Sounds like he wants to "try" different girls and THEN pick the one he liked best. Just to make sure he didn't pick someone then missed someone better coming along... Like when Howard met Bernadette on TBBT. They are not much of leap of faith type people, LOL. And yea, non aspies can be like that as well. If you can't deal with his ways, it is better maybe you part ways?