[Lexi232]

being in a controlled area (foster home labeled as a "group home") and so we are limited to what coping skills we can use(also a lot of the staff dont seem to know much or be understanding of autism and how it is for us.

they tell me that she wont ever be my friend because we wont have sleep overs and "pow wows" - but i dont care about those things. shes my best friend for who she is. not what she can or cant do. i accept her for who she is. she struggles a lot inside. and she doesnt "speak" but she does communicate, the staff here just dont listen to the way she does.

i can be myself around her, and she can be herself around me. nothing will change that. she will always be my best friend no matter what.

when i get my assistive communication technology im gonna let her borrow it to see if thats something she wants or would like to have when she wants to communicate something to people like the staff here that cant understand her current way of communicating with them.
i think she should always have one, but not be forced to use it. she should have the choice/option of using it whenever she wants it though.

does anyone here know any way to remedy the intensive feelings that are stuck inside? or to make it less severe?
i think i understand when she makes humming sounds it to help with the hearing and coping with the other sounds from others talking, and radio, and tv, and bus making all different kinds of sounds, and helps her.
but if thats it, the staff misread it as something else.

can anyone suggest some stuff? i wish so hard that she could be who she wants to be, and i dont know what she would like completely, but she should at least have the option and choice there for her if she wants it.
theres a lot of things i understand because i also have autism. and without my stimulant med im stuck inside myself too. with burning inside from the intense and extreme feelings that build up. but also i know that med doesnt help for everyone, and when i was on others they did some things different- like ritialin made me make lots of eye contact and listen but not able to speak back very often. then when i was a toddler i would cry as soon as the stimulant meds kicked in and wouldnt stop until it left my system - because then it was making my intake of sounds, seeing, feeling physicals, emotional feelings, smells, and stuff, it made them all get heightened, causing a long meltdown.

im a resident here just like her so i cant do staff like stuff or doctor stuff. but i so badly still want to do what i can do to help her. and also learn what she wants and doesnt want. shes an amazing lady, and very smart. its just being hidden by how the autism is affecting her. but she is still in there and if its something she wants, i hope she can one day "come out of her shell" and be able to show all the others who she is.

any ideas?

[phaset]

I am guessing the person who told you that she won't ever be your best friend has a different idea of what that means than you do. Please don't let it discourage you from trying. I think you are an incredibly kind person. Of course you can let her try your assistive communication, and try other things, but maybe all she wants is for her to be herself around you too.

Why did you say she should not be forced to use it? Are you going to be forced to use it? Do they force either of you to do other things?

[Lexi232]

i think your right. i dont think of sleep overs and long night talks and boy talks when thinking of a friend. i dont like those things either. more and more words are harder to gather up in my head then to place it out with a sometimes refusal mouth speaking is another struggle. so speaking and being out around shopping or the like, and chatting it up verbally, is actually the farthest thing from a friend in my eyes.

yeah she certainly communicates that shes still in there somewhere. i just wish i could get those who work with her to see that too.
i felt special the other day because out of everyone in the waiting room, she chose me, to come over and grab my wrist then lead me over to the door and pull my hand down on the bar and adding some pressing force on my wrist to my hand(that was her "lets get out of her" meaning).

sometimes i wonder if she would want a way to communicate to staff that they would listen to. because im able to usually pick up what shes trying to communicate(sometimes not directed to anybody) but when i tell them "i think shes thirsty" , or "i think she wants to go outside an lay down in the sun". i get the response "she doesnt want anything. she eats, she poops, she sleeps. thats it. now mind your own business!"

im afraid that if she has the option and they want her to tell them something, then it could get stressful but if she were to express something by it whenever she wanted to, then she might work and use it when she wants or needs to. but not by command of them. which is what im afraid they may start doing if they see that she actually is trying it.
im not going to be forced, actually want it badly, could help so much when i want to communicate something to them but cant.

they force her to do things all the time. sometimes its things she likes, and other times she doesnt. but some of the things are kinda needed (like changing pullups, and showers.) but some things arent (example- where she will sit in the livingroom and deciding that she has to sit in that chair other than the floor to watch tv).

thanks!

[phaset]

That doesn't seem to be a very understanding place you are living in. I think what they tell you is a horrible thing to say about anyone. It sounds like you are being a good friend to her. That is all you can control, so that is all that matters.

I'm really happy to see you posting again

[PrairieCat]

Lexi232, I think that you are a very caring and loving person. You also express yourself so well. Please just talk more to your friend and that might improve things. You can post really well also. Best wishes to you!

[Fuzzybear]