[Oumaeda]

Hope this category fits, while I am autistic, I don't think this is a typical problem, but it might be.

Questions are at the end of the description, please bear with me.

A few months ago I tried to befriend a super quiet classmate, in fact, I was encouraged to. I thought they were just shy, but as we texted (they didn't want to talk) it turned out they were just not interested in others in general and, despite saying they liked me, I was intelligent and cute at times, cold and outright cruel at times, insulting me to the point I had a breakdown, acting very condescending.. just making me feel like ****. I calmed down in the end though and, as always, thought I probably overreacted and should talk things out. And so I did. A few days later we got into another fight though, their behavior hadn’t changed, even though at this point they knew acting this way would upset me. This time I was prepared and just got incredibly pissed instead of hurt. Weird thing is.. I sure do resent them for their attitude and how they mistreated me, personality traits etc., but at the same time I find them interesting and feel the need to somehow prove myself to them; I think about them a lot and it stresses me out. I think it’s because the condescending behaviour reminds me of my father. He abused me when I was a child and teen, made me feel worthless, hated all the things I liked and for a long time I hated him for that and hoped he’d move out, which he eventually did. Still I wanted him to love me and I did love him as a young child. Now that we don’t meet a lot I realized I still love him despite all the things he did to me.

So, yeah, I feel it might be due to that and that it messed me up psychologically, making me seek people with sort of abusive tendencies.. and it broke my trust (in men) completely.

How should I handle the situation? Should I talk to the person again and try to solve things or is it obviously futile after I already tried and failed? Btw., a psychologist that knows both of us pretty much told me they have schizoid personality disorder, if that helps (she shouldn't have told me, I know)..

I'm not a native speaker, sorry for my English.

[jesswah]

Based on their behavior, I'd drop it an move on. I don't know if there can be resolution with someone that behaves that way.

What do you mean when you say you feel the need to somehow prove yourself to them? What purpose would that serve?

[Oumaeda]

Thought so. But I think I've already made a rash decision last night when I messaged them "Psychologist XY seems to know more about you than you yourself do." (because he doesn't know he's schizoid) in a random fit of anger and helplessness. Of course they now want to know, but also wondered "why i worded it as if I wanted to piss them off", which I didn't. Not like that. I just wanted to feel power over them for a change, just a little. Immediatly regretted it though and now I don't know what to do. I'm so naive sometimes, I don't even get it.

Probably none, I just want to.. somewhat prove that I'm not worthless, a failure etc. That's what both they and my father made me feel like, so.. when it comes to people like them, I feel like I need to show I'm not useless to make myself feel better.