This is what my years of searching has lead to.. I have anxiety but I don't have anxiety disorder, I have hundreds of weird OCD symptioms and thoughts but I don't have the disorder, I act bipolar but I don't have the disorder.. I have depression that's for sure..

I used to be an extrovert. This is what has happened. I'm 100% sure that this is what I have..

I'll never have friends again that I once had.. I'll never get a girlfriend.

This is the most god awful disorder.. I just chose to not accept it. I avoided it. I'm so sad.

Do medications work at least for the depression? I.. What the ****? Omg.. I'm just crying.. I can't believe this. It's this. Wow..

I don't even know what to say.. This is absolutely and utterly terrible..

[optimize990h]

It is fine Wire_wrongly. You can share your feelings here as well. We can listen or read.

Every time I try to relax, I can't. I just can't stop fantasizing about having fun with my potential friends.. It's sad and pathetic. Every time a car drives by, I can't look.. I thought it was OCD.. But rather fear of being judged.. When someone laughs, I always think that I'm being laughed at..

I need time..

[gaia67]

Please don't ever say never. You're here, that's a step, and you can work on yourself. I wish you the best.

[Ajtgjm]

It can get better if you try. I just relapsed today after a month of recovery. Yes, it feels awfull but if you keep posting here it will make you feel better.

[Ultra Darkness]

I sometimes wonder if I have avoidant traits. I can sympathize with having fantasies of friends, but the one time someone invited me to their house, I couldn't make myself show up, and I basicly avoided them afterward.