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#1
Jan 25, 2014, 05:14 AM
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As avoidant, fear of rejection and timidness is always with us. But, had any of you, avoidants, ever dragged yourself hard to come out of the shell and started meeting and talking to people? Or tried to have any romantic affair?
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The Highly Sensitive, Introvert Person. |
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#2
Jan 25, 2014, 10:41 AM
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Yep, I've been working really hard at it since I was 16/17. I actually appear to be quite a social person - and I do enjoy going out as I do enjoy being social. I just hold back a lot and am highly aware of any changes in the people I'm with. I had to train myself and work a LOT at it to get to the point where I actually enjoy going out.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
 maruf
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#3
Jan 25, 2014, 10:55 AM
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Ok, when I drag myself out and have some social staff, here comes another problem: I keep worrying 'how those people are thinking of me now', and surely I end up with 'perhaps they're thinking I was odd'.
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The Highly Sensitive, Introvert Person. |
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#4
Jan 25, 2014, 11:50 AM
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I think that all the time too. Unless I'm drunk and hypomanic - which case I think I'm one of the greatest people alive. haha. But that's certainly not my normal state of mind.
I also have the "Do I look like an idiot right now? I'm sure I look like an idiot. I am horrible at this! They must think I'm useless because I can't even do XYZ. Did I just say that? What if they think I was insulting them? Am I talking too much - is it annoying them? I'm sure it's annoying them. Do they think I'm mad at them because I'm being quiet? What should I say?" etc etc. Those thoughts always go through my head. I remind myself constantly that those are my thoughts, and my insecurities. Unless someone says to me "Panda, you're talking a lot!" then I remind myself that I cannot read their minds and thus shouldn't make assumptions about them. Of course, when they say anything at all that can even be slightly interpreted in a negative view, it consumes and I sorta shut down and get out of the situation as soon as possible. hahah.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
 maruf
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| maruf
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#5
Jan 25, 2014, 12:02 PM
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Its good that yo've some control over yourself. I feel total **** with facial expression, walk and all while people are around me. SOmetimes I have better situataion, too, but sometimes it's just hell.
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The Highly Sensitive, Introvert Person. |
| Anonymous24680
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#6
Jan 25, 2014, 12:08 PM
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Yeah, it is. But it gets easier over time. I have setbacks sometimes where I need to withdraw, and then I always have to somewhat restart things.
The challenge is to just keep going out anyway. I might feel like absolute s***, but I go out again anyway. And I try my best. I rarely think it's good enough, but at least I know I'm not quitting. And I found learning how to fake things like confidence helps a lot. If I ACT like I'm fine, then I'm less likely to have attention drawn to me.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| maruf
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