Avoidant check in/mood for today

I'm in a new airbnb that's in the hills and a bit of ranch type of area. It's cold and they don't turn the heat on. I asked for a space heater but they didn't seem to have one. Oh well. My last airbnb was a studio, so I didn't have to interact with people. This place has two guys living here. They said they speak Russian / Ukrainian. It's stressful living with people you don't know, especially in a strangers house. I hope one day to make money so I can buy own house, even if it's an ultra cheap one that's nearly falling down, far out in the forest. As far away from humans as possible.

It's very cold here at the airbnb and it's not even February the month it gets coldest. I'll just have to buy a space heater and add it to my overwhelming debt.

The people here seem friendly but I can't ever trust a human. I spend my days talking to my plants and elemental nature friends. I love talking to my blankets, pillows, sweater & jacket, etc. They're always nice.

I accidentally broke the shower head today at the airbnb. I barely pulled on it and it just broke. I sent the home owner a text message. It's very stressful.

I hate this never ending feeling that my life is hanging on by a thread. I have no money, just a little credit card left to get by. If one bad thing happens I'm a gonner!! Last week my car didn't start and I had already accepted my fate to the forest to fade away but my car insurance sent out someone and it only needed a jump start.

Today I broke the shower head and was expecting the airbnb home owner to kick me out. I'm so over all of this. This never ending terrifying fear and anxiety that soon I'll be homeless walking aimlessly in the forest. And there's no way I'm going to kill an animal to survive.

The clock's just ticking and I'm can't stand waiting for my fate to happen. Please whatever you are, the creator or whatever, could you please just get it over with?! I can't stand it anymore

I have to do laundry today but the son of the home owner here at the airbnb is wondering all around in the house. It makes me very nervous. Last night dreams were just too much! Everything's too much. Feel tortured.

Anyone gonna spend christmas alone? I love being alone but yet I hate it. It's so weird lol. But I'll spend christmas and new years and my birthday alone. And 4th july and just about everything else. But yet when I go to the bank or store where I'm forced to encounter people I talk their head off. It's all so strange.

Sure most people will see this as psychosis but I'm certain most people are NPCs. You don't fool me, creator.

Heyyy! I'm an avoidant checkin' in! Allo Fuzzy! I'm checking out other places on the site tonight. I don't get out of the coffeehouse much.

A rare stroll by here. Avoidantville's streets are usually pretty quiet aren't they. Understood for sure. Hugs to all.