Avoidant check in/mood for today

Please check in . Just a picture or a few words is ok if you don't feel like saying much. I don't want to be alone here in my tree

I am sitting here drinking beer. Was suppose to go out shopping but forgot that is holiday today...not much more to say really. Hope you guys have a better summer so far!
What are your plans for the vacation anyway?

I'm writing report cards today. I have been successful, but I am bored to tears. And have a lot of chores to do. And it's rainy and cold. And my boyfriend is not in town. Woe is me!

But the rainy, cold, and absent bf makes it easier to be productive.

I am supposed to. Be writing report cards today, too! However, I can't get motivated. I did chores instead.

I've now completed over half of the report card writing... and I did laundry, including the bedding.. made the bed. Brushed my cat, changed the kitty litter, took out garbage, did the dishes and vacuumed.

And it's still yucky outside.

Was on the way to Walmart with my mom but felt ugly and asked her to take me back home.

Another day. Still feels like the same day though.

I finally finished my report cards. Ended up sitting out in the backyard under a tree with my computer to finish them up. I was too distracted by everything needing to get done to focus on that task. How are your Report Cards going, Red Panda?

I finished mine on Sunday! I informed myself I was not allowed to have a shower until I was done. So I finished.

Today I braved it and went to sit in the ER to get some antibiotics. Pretty sure I had a UTI (I was right) but the thought of going in for one? Absolutely embarassing. I felt humiliated the whole time... but at least I have a med prescription now, and going to the pharmacist doesn't bother me as they already know that I take lamotrigine and sertraline and they can put the two and two together for bipolar. So antibiotics? Not a big deal for them.

I am feeling undeniably pathetic from a completely objective point of view, along with undertones of extreme shame but no guilt.

Understanding The Avoidant Personality | Caregivers, Family & Friends

After reading this article posted on the PsychCentral home page today, I realized the extent to which I am avoidant. In particular, the last two descriptions describe me perfectly. I know I am on the computer too much to avoid leaving my apartment. I use PsychCentral as an alternative to going out and meeting people. And, I know that I am very lonely but do not trust my social skills. People just don't seem to like me because I often don't speak up or say the wrong thing because I am too nervous and cannot think of anything right to say other than trite things. I also wished that I enjoyed the company of other people. It's further complicated by my bad experiences and c-PTSD which causes me not to trust people. I am at a loss of what to do.

Hello Unguy: I just thought I would say that I spend almost 100% of my alone time (I am married & my wife works) on the computer... allot of it here on PC. I can't say I've ever really enjoyed the company of other people. And so, at this point, I just prefer to be alone. However, if you want to get out & meet people, I'd suggest some kind of small group activity such as a support group or some type of volunteer activity. If I were going to try to get out more, this is the type of thing I would do. I'm not...

Didn't really help me, but I'm trying to read these everyday and see if maybe it will since therapy has been unsuccessful.

50 Ways to Overcome Shyness and Anxiety at Social Gatherings | Psychology Today

Finished 3 months of CBT....don't know exactly how things are right now....kind of odd at this stage and age. Yikes!!!! One foot on the gas the other on the brakes, a hot air balloon ride would be fun....Anyone can come along and get a new view or what???

I thought about it so many times: a social group for people with the same problems as me, a group for hiking...I also was invited to participate in a group for improving English. The single idea of a group scared me like hell.

Also many online communication here, it's safer than went outside.

A big set of news that I've been accepted back into DBT with a new therapist after my previous one abandoned me. Now I am crushed and want to avoid it altogether for fear they may abandon me again... This is why I avoid people - because in my experience - people are mean and hurtful creatures.

I feel the same way. It's just too painful to interact or even try to get help. It's just not worth it in the end because you always get hurt.

In my opinion, DBT does not work for avoidants. Perfect for borderlines, but when you get to the homework that says, call a friend and ask them to go to a movie... Yeah, right. Does not apply.

I tried DBT. (Hey, works for one PD, must work for all of them, right?) and mine was suddenly cut short too, due to funding. They couldn't keep enough people in the group session to make it profitable. It was fine by me, believe me.

I think there are good therapies and good therapists, and then there are not so good ones. You have to be willing to go through a few, not just take the first one that is offered, to make sure you have a good match. It can be done, and even if it doesn't work perfectly, it's good to try.

My T gave up on DBT with me - it just wasn't a mesh for me. Replacing my negative core beliefs with other statements has no effect - I've been doing that for years and years!

I think a lot of therapist throw up their hands when it comes to treating avoidants. They try any silly thing they can. I had one suggest using some kind of heated rocks placed on my chakras during therapy, you name it.

The one that seems to be working is someone who specializes in children with attachment issues, and who also has worked with PD's. I frustrate her though. She has been phasing me out, dropping my schedule from twice a week to biweekly, and now has suggested email only therapy. I can see why - it's hard to work with someone who basically can't make real progress, who is trying to learn to live with what she wants me to forget about.

Just trying to get through yet another day. I always try so hard to avoid people in person. That's why this airbnb I'm staying at is my favorite so far. It's 100% isolated from the house. My own bathroom, shower, microwave, mini fridge. But no washer dryer, stove. The shower is smaller than a camper shower but I got used to it. I just love it here but I have to move on to the next place very soon.

In the mean time, I have an infinite family of nature people. I know it's strange/different, but I talk to everything, not just plants. I'm wearing my favorite sweater right now. We've been together for a very long time and she loves to be with me. My two blankets and I just love to snuggle together in bed and have good naps. I call them angels because when I spread them over the bed they look like wings. They like it when I say lets spread your wingyies out. Anyway I don't know if elementals have consciousness. It's a real belief that everything has consciousness and that's all there really is, consciousness. But it sure helps to get through the days talking to someone and kinda feeling like you're not alone.