Isolation

I fear that I have avoidant personality disorder. I rarely leave my apartment. I recently lost my job. This weekend, I have not left the building. The only time I left my apartment was to pick up my mail.

As a child, I was not allowed to have playmates because my mom wanted to control me. All my life I've been lonely and have not found acceptance. Part of it is that I'm gay. However, I've only found abuse in the gay community. Therapy has only driven me deeper into isolation. I don't understand why people in the gay community prefer to sleep around rather than have platonic friendships.

I need to do some job hunting but even have avoided that. I don't know how to break this pattern of avoidance.

I isolate myself to.mostly because I am afraid of being hurt or hurting others feelings.but after a few days I go out in public.because I start to feel stir crazy

I hear ya. If i didnt get out once a week to see my t, i dont know what. Writing here helps. Helps maintain the fantasy that im not isolating?

AvPD, despite it's name, is not about avoiding people or avoiding life. It's very insulting to people with personality disorders, which affect every aspect of their lives, for people to self diagnose as avoidant when they are going through a rough patch.

What you're describing is classic depression with self isolation. Again, that is not avoidant personality disorder. I hope you can talk to a therapist who can help you to figure out a plan to go forward in your life. Good luck.

If I did not need groceries.i would stay in for weeks

Really? I researched AvPD on this site and I have many of the listed symptoms:

Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection, e.g., I stopped doing volunteer work for these reasons. I have encountered rejection on many jobs.

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked, I try hard to be liked but do not succeed and my confidence is no longer there.

Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed, e.g., I feel ridiculed every time I go to a bar and no one even wants to engage me in conversation and I feel a lot of shame due to my sexual orientation.

Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations I've met with a lot of rejection socially and at work. The result has been a near total isolation from others. I rarely leave my apartment.

Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy, this is me to a "T." I know that I don't have what it takes in the looks, personality and social smarts categories. I have no idea what to do about it.

Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others That's me!

Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing, I refuse to even try to date anymore because the risks never paid off.

Please tell me why you don't think I have AvPD. I am not trying to insult anyone by posting here! Why do you think that I am?

I'm sorry you're hurting like this, unguy ...

Hang in there and know you matter to and are cared about by many of us here at the PC Community!

((((( unguy ))))

I was dxd with "avoidant personality" (although the therapist sucked )

I don't feel insulted in the slightest by your post (re another post in this thread)

I agree, many of us here care about you and you matter

That's only half the diagnosis. You're forgetting about the requirements to have a PD.

It's a question of degrees. AvPD is one of the hardest to self diagnose because people just don't have the distance to really see how much it's affecting them. They always overestimate. Everyone has avoidant traits at some point in their life. If you can't function - it's not that you're poorly functioning, you're incapable - due to your feelings of unworthiness and fear of being judged, that's AvPD.

The other thing is that it's getting worse for you instead of better. Avoidance doesn't get worse. It peaks in the early 20's and then it stabilizes. It also doesn't get better. Once you have it, you have it. It never goes away.

There is also no reason for your feelings of inadequacy if you're avoidant. If you're doing something that you're ashamed of, then you're just ashamed of yourself, not avoidant. If you would judge everyone else you run into the same way you judge yourself, then you're just ashamed (regardless of whether it is justified or not). If you would not judge someone else in exactly the same situation you're in as much as you do yourself, that's avoidance. And I'm not talking a little bit, like thinking 'I should have known better.' I mean making standards for yourself that are so high no one on earth could ever reach them, and not even dreaming that anyone else would be expected to do it. It's a higher standard than even perfectionism. Even if you're absolutely perfect, it's still not good enough - that's avoidance.

I'm not saying you don't have a lot of things going on in your life. I'm just saying, it's an absolute waste of time to research something without seeking professional advice, especially when there is no effective treatment or cure. If you've been in therapy, unless you've been working with incompetents, they would have noticed it by now. You're distracting yourself by skimming through websites and picking out a label. You wouldn't believe it if you went on webmd and saw you had the symptoms of a super rare brain disorder, would you? If you were serious about believing you had AvPD, then you would go to a psych to get an actual diagnosis.

I sincerely hope you don't have it. It's incurable. Basically there's no hope. I hope you go and get a diagnosis with an actual treatment and you feel a whole lot better once you've put in a few year's work.

I was actually very social in my 20's... so maybe I saw one of the "incompetents"

I wouldn't judge this or anything as "incurable"

Why even bother staying alive if there is literally "no hope" ...

(Re the post above... also some meds as well as some therapists who actually give a **** help for some people, I know this for a fact although I'm against meds these days..)

A quadriplegic could very well be incurable. Or blindness. All sorts of things. Do you think they feel "why bother staying alive"? There are lots of things in this world that are incurable, including AvPD.

Meds don't work on AvPD if that's all you have. Why? Because they work when there is a brain chemical imbalance. AvPD is a personality disorder, not a brain chemical imbalance. You can also have another condition, but if it's just AvPD, medication won't touch it.

And actually you have proven my original point. AvPD is not about isolation. You can be a social butterfly. But you don't feel worthy of it, and you don't make deep connections with people.

Ok.... well I have made a deep connection with papa bear (for one )

And yes I do think plenty with the above conditions you've mentioned may think why bother staying alive. Especially if they are survivors of abuse since early childhood.