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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
15 80 hugs
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#1
I feel I could be gone tomorrow and no one would miss me.
It's hard for me to say how bad I feel now. I know I'll probably never get what I want in life. I've already missed out on that. I'm so use to being alone, I wouldn't know how to be happy. I would be afraid to be happy. I've had chronic depression since I was 13. And never received any treatment for it until I was 32. I don't know how to be anything but alone. I can't handle the stress of risking. Of rejection. I so desperately want to be loved, to be cherished by a woman, and cherish her, but I am told I need to love myself first. I don't see how I can possibley love myself enough to fill the emptyness I feel from being alone. How can I ever provide myself with those things only a woman could give me? Everyday that goes by I feel less and less hopeful. __________________ Last edited by horsecab; Apr 05, 2009 at 02:26 AM.. |
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A lonely Loner
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Away from Polaris
Posts: 3,236
15 1,809 hugs
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#2
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((horsey)))))))))))))))))))))
i care for you __________________ As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
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horsecab
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,390
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#3
(((((((((((((((( horsey ))))))))))))))))))
I care, and would miss you if you werent here __________________ |
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horsecab
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#4
Well I dont agree with what you have been told so there ! Hubby dosnt love himself but loves me and knows and accepts that I love him.
So its not imposible ! |
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horsecab
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Q&A Leader
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
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18 4,001 hugs
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#5
(((((( horsecab ))))))
I have read your post a few times now and thought that I need to say something positive but then I think we all feel like this from time to time. You seem to me like a kind and sensitive soul and there will be someone out there for you. It's not written in stone that you will be alone forever and you don't know that for sure. Hang in there friend. __________________ Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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horsecab
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
15 80 hugs
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#6
Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I really felt low last night. I know when I get that way that I need to change my thought pattern and not give into the negativity, as it only wants to take me deeper into depression. I'm so glad to have great friends like you here to help me be more positive.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 86
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#7
Hi,
Sending a hug and loving thoughts your way. I know how you feel in many ways. We have many similarities. However, I agree with "Tishie", who wrote, "Well I dont agree with what you have been told so there ! Hubby dosnt love himself but loves me and knows and accepts that I love him. So its not imposible !" In my case, I don't love myself, but am able to be loving and giving with hubby, and I know and accept (usually, at least) that he loves me. But please realize there are people who do care about you, and you can add me to the list. Also, from what I get from your profile, your posts, and your beautiful, eloquent, poetry, I believe I can see you are a good person who just can't see it for himself. __________________ "Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness" |
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horsecab
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Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: OKC
Posts: 143
15 13 hugs
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#8
I know things seem bleak, but don't hurt yourself. Please seek help if you are feeling this down as soon as you can. I really recommend going to the ER or something.
I understand about feeling down on holidays too. I've had so many bad ones that it's weird to appreciate the good that can happen. But I can guarantee that you would be missed if you were gone tomorrow. I wish you all the love you deserve and understand your despair. But there are those who care, even us people you don't know here. Please get some help. It's OK to ask for it! __________________ Sad in TX |
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horsecab
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
15 80 hugs
given |
#9
Thanks for all your support everyone! Don't worry, I'm not really thinking of hurting myself, it's just that I still feel a victims role to life at times where it just feels so hopeless and that my life will never change. But one of the main problems for this is me still identifying with being a victim and scared to go out and make the changes with my life that I say I want. It's still very hard for me. It sure helps to have the support of good friends like all of you. Thanks again!
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Location: Ireland
Posts: 273
15 17 hugs
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#10
you are so special friend to me here
hugs Rosey |
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horsecab
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