[FluffyDinosaur]

Let's say I had everything in my life completely under control, no significant stress factors, and let's say I was 100% stable. Would it be worth the risk going off meds in that situation? Note that I'm not considering going off meds right now, I'm just curious if, in your opinion, it's ever advisable or reasonable to take the chance.

[Nammu]

I’ve often wondered the same thing. But I’m afraid to rock the boat. Been stable for 5 years now on my current regime. Every once in a while I think 🤔 hmm then I decide status quo, and keep on as it is.

[FluffyDinosaur]

I can definitely see that. The thing is, I keep being a little afraid of the long-term side effects of my meds. I'm not too concerned about using them for a few years here and there, when there's stuff going on in my life, but I keep wondering whether it would be wise to try going without at some point as long as I do it with the aid of my Pdoc.

[Nammu]

Yeah, the long term effects is why I think about quitting. I’m on an AP a newer one, they really don’t know the long term effects,... not yet.

[FluffyDinosaur]

That's what scares me, too. I use lamotrigine, and it's fairly new as well. At this point it seems like a good bet, with relatively few side effects, but there might be unknown long-term effects. I don't want any surprises in the long run... I guess that's the benefit of meds like lithium. They may have more side effects, but at least they've been studied for a long time so the effects are well known.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I’ve done it with psychiatrist approval and care.....I only lasted nine months though. In my case they weren’t sure I had a chronic condition, they thought it could be a one time psychosis.....nope. Once they know you’ve got something chronic it’s not worth it IMO.

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[buddha1too]

My pdoc backed me off all my meds except my mood stabilizer & I've done fairly well. There's no need to take a regular AP unless someone informs me I'm headed that way. That's just what works in my case, though...

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters in that i would feel potentially afraid as Well i think! i think it depends on how severe the side effects are too! i'd suggest to talk to your Pdoc about this if you haven't already! Hopefully he/she will be able to Help! Hugs! Sending many safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @FluffyDinosaur, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Soupe du jour]

I've been doing quite well for a few years now, but am 99% sure that if I went off my medications (even slowly being weaned off) that I would enter an episode (likely manic) very quickly during the weaning off process.

If I managed not to become manic or depressed right away, despite a weaning off of medications, then I would be expected to very soon after go back to working. Though I do hope to be able to work again someday, it's highly likely that when I do I will become stressed. Stressed almost always equals episodes. If I were to get an episode while not on medications, it would be a major undertaking to get back on them and arrest the episode. In the meantime, I probably would have lost the job or not been able to work, thus impoverishing my husband and myself. If I then wanted to get back on disability again, it would be very very difficult. Also, I likely would have had to have quit a psychiatrist, because NO psychiatrist would allow me to come if I was no longer on meds, especially given my history with bipolar illness. So I would be scrambling to find a doctor again. Or, more likely I would not be thinking clearly because of psychosis, so would have to be in a psychiatric hospital. Luckily, however, the cost of psychiatric hospitalizations is much lower in Czech Republic than in the US. In the US, the copays and deductibles are HORRIBLE! And, they always expected me to then enter an IOP/PHP afterwards, costing even more copays. Some hospitalizations/IOPs combined cost thousands in copays. All for what? Going off of medications? No, I'll stay on them.

Really, I think it depends on the severity of a person's illness. My bipolar disorder became so horrendously horrible that I am not a candidate to ever go off of medications. That is, unless they find a cure for bipolar disorder. If they ever do, I'll be first in line for it.

[mssweatypalms]

I also wonder how it will be like not to take meds, but I'm too scared. Suicidal thoughts and long periods of no energy are the worst, so I really don't want to fall into that kind of depression ever again. On the other end, my impulsivity due to hypomania might get worse. I think I am impulsive by nature, but it gets much worse when I'm hypomanic. If getting off meds would aggravate both ends, it won't be worth it for me. I'm self-employed and don't have a private health insurance. I pay for the national health insurance in my country, but it definitely doesn't cover mental illnesses. With my current employment status, I don't even want to think about missing a month.

[*Beth*]

Oh, how I would love to go off meds. I'm with Sometimes Psychotic, though. When you have a mental illness it doesn't just go away. It's there, ready to pounce. All it take is one major stresser.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Thanks all, I definitely don't want to get into another major episode. My recent episodes have been some of the worst of my life. They used to be shorter and less severe. For example my depressions used to last about 2 months or so, not years. My (hypo)manias used to be up to 2 weeks, and weren't severe enough to require hospitalization. In fact, in some cases I think they gave me an energy and creativity that may have actually helped me. In between episodes I was often fine for several months. I wasn't on any meds back then. My dream is that I could go back to that situation.

I don't know how much of the increased severity of my bipolar is caused by stress, and how much of it is caused by the illness getting worse with age... I'm still working, although I've been on medical leave for quite a while now due to this last episode. I'm currently gradually returning to work. I'm in a good position financially, and my house is paid off. I don't have any other debts, so in a few years from now I don't expect to need much income, only enough to pay for food, utilities, and such, which means that it should be possible to have a relatively stress-free life (I hope). Most of my stress right now comes from my young children, honestly, and the lack of sleep they cause. My hope is that that will improve over the years as well. That's when I was thinking I might try going off meds, but maybe it's just a pipe dream...

I'm aware that according to kindling theory, once you've had episodes this severe they're unlikely to go away on their own, so maybe it's impossible to go back to the way things were. It's odd how strong the longing is to go back to having episodes that are "only" a few weeks/months in duration. They certainly didn't feel like something to wish for back then.

[PadawanSkywalker]

Originally Posted by mssweatypalms

I also wonder how it will be like not to take meds, but I'm too scared. Suicidal thoughts and long periods of no energy are the worst, so I really don't want to fall into that kind of depression ever again. On the other end, my impulsivity due to hypomania might get worse. I think I am impulsive by nature, but it gets much worse when I'm hypomanic. If getting off meds would aggravate both ends, it won't be worth it for me. I'm self-employed and don't have a private health insurance. I pay for the national health insurance in my country, but it definitely doesn't cover mental illnesses. With my current employment status, I don't even want to think about missing a month.

Hello, how does ur Job go with u? do u hav problems getting along with colleagues? I had issues like that..just to know

[PadawanSkywalker]

Yeah even I have that thought...but my Psychiatrist always says medicines shud be taken regularly...mind is so fragile in case of mental illness...so be very careful to take care of our mind...medicines are actually like putting bulletproof vest...but yeah we can use medicines with lesser side-effects

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by PadawanSkywalker

Hello, how does ur Job go with u? do u hav problems getting along with colleagues? I had issues like that..just to know

Personally, no, I get along pretty well with most people. I don't think problems getting along with other people are a typical bipolar thing, at least not when euthymic.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by PadawanSkywalker

Yeah even I have that thought...but my Psychiatrist always says medicines shud be taken regularly...mind is so fragile in case of mental illness...so be very careful to take care of our mind...medicines are actually like putting bulletproof vest...but yeah we can use medicines with lesser side-effects

Yeah, I definitely try to go for the least possible side effects. That's why I chose lamotrigine; it has basically no side effects for me, as far as I can tell so far. The only thing that concerns me is the long term, since it's a relatively new med and there might be unknown long-term effects.

[Werewoman]

I've also had phenomenal success with ketamine infusions. It controls my depression.

It took 20 years to finally find something that works.

[*Beth*]

Hi there @FluffyDinosaur - How are your ECT treatments going?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi there @FluffyDinosaur - How are your ECT treatments going?

Thank you for asking! The ECT helped tremendously, I'm so happy I did it. I believe the bipolar "component" of the depression is now mostly over. However, during this episode, a lot of things happened that triggered traumatic memories and emotions for me, which I now need to work through in therapy. I expect that will take a lot of time. But thanks to the ECT, at least I am now in a position to recognize those issues for what they are and work on resolving them. And those emotions don't feel like depression, they are actual emotions like sadness and grief, which, weird as it may sound, I'd much rather feel than be depressed.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thank you for asking! The ECT helped tremendously, I'm so happy I did it. I believe the bipolar "component" of the depression is now mostly over. However, during this episode, a lot of things happened that triggered traumatic memories and emotions for me, which I now need to work through in therapy. I expect that will take a lot of time. But thanks to the ECT, at least I am now in a position to recognize those issues for what they are and work on resolving them. And those emotions don't feel like depression, they are actual emotions like sadness and grief, which, weird as it may sound, I'd much rather feel than be depressed.

Your intuition about benefiting from ECT paid off. I am so glad! Sadness and grief, while hardly fun, are at least feelings you can work on. Clinical depression...trying to "fix" it with therapy only is akin to beating your head against a wall.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Your intuition about benefiting from ECT paid off. I am so glad! Sadness and grief, while hardly fun, are at least feelings you can work on. Clinical depression...trying to "fix" it with therapy only is akin to beating your head against a wall.

That's exactly how it is. These feelings have been repressed for most of my life. I hope the fact that the depression finally made them surface will ultimately be a good thing. Then at least something good will have come out of the hell that was this episode.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Let's say I had everything in my life completely under control, no significant stress factors, and let's say I was 100% stable. Would it be worth the risk going off meds in that situation? Note that I'm not considering going off meds right now, I'm just curious if, in your opinion, it's ever advisable or reasonable to take the chance.

It’s only a chance if you do it alone.

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[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

It’s only a chance if you do it alone.

I find that once an episode gets going, it can be hard to stop it, even with professional intervention. Once destabilized it can become a feedback loop from hell and just keep building momentum until it's out of control. A quick med change might help, or it might not. So I'd still consider it a risk even under supervision.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I find that once an episode gets going, it can be hard to stop it, even with professional intervention. Once destabilized it can become a feedback loop from hell and just keep building momentum until it's out of control. A quick med change might help, or it might not. So I'd still consider it a risk even under supervision.

I triggered an episode with marijuana after I had gone off medication with my doctor

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