[BNLsMOM]

Today my t and I talked about ways to help me relax and get rid of my racing thoughts so that I can go to sleep at night. He guided me through a relaxation and for some reason I felt very nervous and scared and like I was going to cry.

Ever since, I have felt fragile like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Even with all my depressive episodes, I hardly ever cry.

I am actually afraid that we will find something under the surface that will be scary to deal with, or maybe I am just working so hard all the time to hold it together that we were just breaking through that barrier.

I am going back in Wednesday to do some more work with him.

Anyone have any thoughts on where this feeling was coming from?

I have always hated and resisted doing relaxation exercises because they almost always stress me out. For me it is a trust issue. It makes me feel too vulnerable. I'd discuss it with your tdoc.

[Amazonmom]

While I think relaxation skills are important....they are NOT enough to help me with the racing thoughts. Mood stabilizers are the only things that get me to the point where relaxation works. Well....Benadryl and Unisom also zonk me out but the sleep is not restorative for my poor brain. I eventually get huge bursts of intrusive thoughts if I depend on antihistamines for sleep.

I would discuss with the T why you responded like that to the relaxation techniques. Your situation is familiar to me but I also have PTSD which would be mucking up my reasons to be nervous and weepy. I have an idea that your mind is trying to make you back off before you hit upon something it is trying to protect you from.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

Today my t and I talked about ways to help me relax and get rid of my racing thoughts so that I can go to sleep at night. He guided me through a relaxation and for some reason I felt very nervous and scared and like I was going to cry.

Ever since, I have felt fragile like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Even with all my depressive episodes, I hardly ever cry.

I am actually afraid that we will find something under the surface that will be scary to deal with, or maybe I am just working so hard all the time to hold it together that we were just breaking through that barrier.

I am going back in Wednesday to do some more work with him.

Anyone have any thoughts on where this feeling was coming from?

[BNLsMOM]

Yeah, I am going back in about an hour. I have been nervous about it all week. I don't know if my mood would have changed anyway, but I feel like I am heading down since that appointment.

I have been sleeping on average for two hours and then waking up for a while and falling asleep for two more hours.

Last night I had a messed up and disturbing dream (I haven't remembered a dream in a long time) and I was compelled to run downstairs and grab some paper and a pen so I could write it out.

I will begin my journey on meds in the middle of June. I don't like that I have had to wait so long to get in to see a p-doc. I feel like I have had at least three or four swings since January. Not fun.

Anyway, I think part of my reaction is that I don't want to lose control of the facade I put up in daily life just to get through, you know? I have to take care of the kids, do my job etc. My husband is getting into trouble at work because he is worried about me and feels like if I ask for anything at all, he better leave work and take care of it for me. I have decided that I can't ask him for anything any more. (I just found out that he feels this way, but it has been going on for a long time) He won't share his concerns with me because he is afraid he will send me into an episode. I told him that my brain chemistry controls my episodic behavior, not his sharing stress with me.

I guess I have a lot to talk about at my session. I joked to my T that we should schedule 6 hour sessions. I could probably fill them up.

[Amazonmom]

The stress of caring for the baby, worrying about how depressed I was, and doing the housework (because I was utterly useless) was killing my husband. That's why I actually went for any help in the first place. I was lucky in that my T has prescriptive authority, so I got meds right away.

The worrying about how I was going to be able to go back to work after my maternity leave, and how my daughter and hubby were affected by me being so far down, finally sent me over the edge of asking for help. I had just lived with it before. Well, I had lived through some bad help too, but this time the help is really good. My husband thought he could help by just removing anything that was causing me any amount of stress. He was trying to be a knight in shining armor, but he couldn't fix it. Men hate it when they can't fix a situation. What I had to do was tell my hubby that he could help me by realizing that I can do things on my own. If there were things I needed from him, they probably could wait until he was off work. I told him what to do to help me. I think that helped him a lot.

I think it's horrible that you have to wait so long for meds. Your sleep pattern sounds so familiar...and I was blaming my bad sleep on working nights. Hmm...maybe being depressed for a year was mucking with sleep...

I will be thinking about you.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

Yeah, I am going back in about an hour. I have been nervous about it all week. I don't know if my mood would have changed anyway, but I feel like I am heading down since that appointment.

I have been sleeping on average for two hours and then waking up for a while and falling asleep for two more hours.

Last night I had a messed up and disturbing dream (I haven't remembered a dream in a long time) and I was compelled to run downstairs and grab some paper and a pen so I could write it out.

I will begin my journey on meds in the middle of June. I don't like that I have had to wait so long to get in to see a p-doc. I feel like I have had at least three or four swings since January. Not fun.

Anyway, I think part of my reaction is that I don't want to lose control of the facade I put up in daily life just to get through, you know? I have to take care of the kids, do my job etc. My husband is getting into trouble at work because he is worried about me and feels like if I ask for anything at all, he better leave work and take care of it for me. I have decided that I can't ask him for anything any more. (I just found out that he feels this way, but it has been going on for a long time) He won't share his concerns with me because he is afraid he will send me into an episode. I told him that my brain chemistry controls my episodic behavior, not his sharing stress with me.

I guess I have a lot to talk about at my session. I joked to my T that we should schedule 6 hour sessions. I could probably fill them up.