Questions and Concerns...

I am not officially daignosed yet, and I don't want to try and diagnose myself but...

My g/f who was diagnosed with rapid cycling BP a year ago (we have only been togethor 4 months) told me she really thinks I have it as well.

My mother was diagnosed with rapid cycling BP and while doing research I found that people whose parents have BP are more likley to have/develop BP disorder.

The other night while we went to the store I started to feel really low, by the time we got back I barely had the energy to bring the groceries in and I was on the verge of tears. I told my g/f that I didn't want to be alone that night and she said she just needed to go home and get a few things and she would stay the night with me. She was gone less than half an hour and by the time she got back I was just the opposite, full of energy, laughing at everything, I was unbearably happy... (this is when she told me she really thought I was BP)

I have been dealing with this for years, so when I get in my depressive moods I don't think of it as abnormal. In example, last week there was a day I felt really down about myself and had the desire to stick a knife in my chest and bleed out. PLEASE DONT WORRY, I have these thoughts often enough but I never have a strong desire to ACTUALLY carry them out. I have been dealing with thoughts of suicide since the age of 15 and by now when they come I just think of them as normal but I havn't and don't think I am in any danger of actually acting on them.

Also I AM going to start going to my pshychologist again, I will call her today and set up an appointment. I have talked with her about other issues I had growing up but never really the rapid mood swings. I have been dealing with them for years so I don't think of them as abnormal anymore. Feeling like I want to curl up in a ball and cry and then ten minutes later happy and laughing has just become a way of life for me. But ever since she said told me that (well at first I denied it and said, no way I am not BP) I have been thinking about it and doing research.

If there is a medicine that would help level me out I would be willing to try it. I love the manic phases, I feel confident, strong, I make everyone around me laugh and smile, I feel on top of the world. But I am not so fond of the depressive states where I feel worthless and wish I had never been born. So I am going to make an appointment with my Pshycolgist today and go from there.

But I wanted to talk to some other people who understand BP. And I will try medicine but I am worried about the side effects. Lithium was not effective for my mother, that is why she went undiagnosed for years. She actually responded well to "shock therapy" but I'm not sure I want to go through that. I don't know...

(I would talk to my mother about it, but she is a Jehovah's Wittness and is currently shunning me since I left the religion when I was 22. The only reason I know she was diagnoses is because of my sister who still speaks to me occasionally)

Any suggestion or advice would be much appreciated. I am also going to get some books for me and my g/f to read, I noticed a thread where some books were suggested. If anyone has a particular book they found really helpful or websight let me know. I feel like the more knowledge I have the better I will be able to handle this.

Thanks,

CS

Yeah, definitely talk to your psychologist. What you're describing sounds a lot like bipolar.

The abrupt and jarring mood swing is familiar to me. I've never been told my bipolar is rapid cycling, but it's a possibility.

There are lots of good meds out there. The balancing act most bipolars face is feeling more stable without feeling flat. Nobody wants to lose their highs, especially if they're non-destructive!

"Shock therapy" is pretty much a last resort these days, I think...many other things you can try first.

Sure sounds familiar....reminds me of myself in a lot of ways.

Update us, okay? I too am afraid of losing the self confidence and joy during hypomania...it's the only time I truly feel happy or self confident anymore....