[Berries]

I am so sick of being MI. So sick of all the doctors and clinics. So sick of trying to figure out why i feel the way i feel and do the things i do or don't do. So sick of being up and then down then up and then down over and over and over. I am just sick and tired of it all.

[paddym22]

Oh Berries

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, you are a low point in your treatment and obviously havent found the right combo of meds just yet. Let me tell you I spent a long time exaclty like you and I was always thinking why me. I stopped one day and said ok enough is enough I am taking more responsibility for this, I am the one who is going to manage my illness and all my medical team, well, I look on them as my employees. It is there job to get me right and I would from that point on accept nothing but the best from these people. No more would I accept ""Here take this and this and we will see"" instead I questioned everything and I said ""why, how long before we know the result and if this fails what is your plan" I learnt everything there was to know about medications and read up on new trials and asked to get involved in trials of new treatments. I co-operated with my Therapist as the key in my team as it was to him I ccould vent my frustrations and concerns and we developed a team plan together to get me to a place where I no longer just accepted what was being done to me rather I drove the ship so to speak.

Educate on everything you can, be the boss and dont be afraid to say no once in a while. I know you a little bit and I know you are intelligent and willling to learn about this, so do it. And dont forget to do all the other things outside of just the medications to help along your managed life with Bi Polar.

If there is anything I can do or anything you want to know, please let me know Berries.

Paddy

[thinker22]

Berries, I'm sick of it too! Think of us as being in this together. I'm also with Paddy. We have to be proactive (I mean, when we're not feeling so terrible that we can't get out of bed). On a good day, I would write down all the treatment possibilities: talk therapy...and the various psychological disciplines/schools of thought, medications, exercise, goal setting, etc. and see what kind of progress you've made in each area in the past year. If it's only that you've tried 15 different medications that didn't work well, that's progress. And finding one that did help a little, all the better. Process of elimination blows but it's better than doing nothing. I'm sure you're doing all you can to get better. One day you'll think, I'm so glad I didn't give up when I was at my lowest!

It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. In fact, it would be abnormal to not be discouraged after all you've been through. You seem like a very strong person to have made it this far with all you are up against.