[tishtosh]

What happens next? and im in love with a man im supposed to be gettin married to but i cant because he doesnt understand? wat do i do? im so upset. pls help..

[bridgie]

U cld tell him its like any other disear that need treatment and as long as you are going in you are doing what you can ans that you'd like his support o this journey. He soesnt have to understand completely but there are books out there for the families of someone with bipolar. Good luck to u.

[thinker22]

Wait, he doesn't understand what bipolar means or he doesn't understand because you've never told him?

If it's the latter, I've found that all the people closest to me have said, "You're still you," and have acted as if it didn't really matter to them. In a way, they're right. The bipolar has not affected my kindness, compassion, being a hard worker, diligent, responsible, etc. You are who you are before the dx as after.

So why bother with the dx or telling anyone? Your brain chemistry will mess with you from time to time and you'll feel terrible depression if not wonderful elation followed by depression again (if untreated with meds and therapy, diet & exercise). It's like any disease, it's just one in your brain. You will go through neutral periods as well with no symptoms. You might just feel plain old good. But on other days you may rapid cycle through a half dozen emotions and wear yourself out.

If your spouse to be understands all this, he can know how better to relate to you and to support you in the seeking of a medication or group of medications (usually) that is right for you. This will curb the lowest lows and highest highs. The medication merry go round is hard to go through without support and love. Some of them will have terrible side effects and you'll have to switch to another and another. It's been 14 months for me since I've been looking for a good combo, but then, I didn't get dx'd until June of this year, so they were probably giving me all the wrong stuff!

Anyway, I think I may have found the right combo. I'm starting to get moments of euthymia...a sense of well being.
I'm on:
Lamictal: mood stabilizer
Abilify: atypical antipsychotic/anti-depressant
Wellbutrin: anti-depressant

And I have sleep aids. I've had bad insomnia for weeks because I've been manic for over a month.

My only advice to you is to read up and know as much as possible as you can about the disease, print out material, and prepare yourself for talking with your fiance about it. Don't let the fears or lack of info push you apart. This disease is fully manageable like diabetes. He needs to know all of you just as you would want to know as much as possible about him. Why? If after you know it all you still love each other, how much stronger does that prove your caring about each other?

I worried about telling anyone in the beginning too...and only those closest to me know about it. I always assumed they'd think I'd be wild and breaking stuff when manic. But everyone's mania suits their personality. Mind is more like a happy drunk. Rambling fast speech, telling jokes, lack of inhibition, etc. Some people do get violent. I think you know by now who you are. And I think if he really loves you, after he gets all the info, including treatments available, he will stay with you. Hang in there.

[tishtosh]

prob is wen i say he dont understand he knows i suffer wit deppresion he just says things like oh u dont need anti deppsesants, and you tell the doc you have a T and its me. he doesnt want to understand...

[thinker22]

Oh. Well, guys are often like that when it comes to emotional issues. There are the rare exceptions who are finely attuned to emotions, but for the most part, they've been taught by society to ignore their emotions (all except for anger)...and hence they don't know what to do when their woman is going through terrible swings for no apparent reason.

My mate doesn't think i need meds either, but he respects my choice to take them. He doesn't realize that the years we were drinking too much I was using it to self-medicate my mania. He only noticed the long term depression since we moved here 2 years ago. That was supposedly the problem. I thought so too. Then none of the unipolar anti-ds worked on me. But the bipolar ones did. So I eventually caught wise, read up on it, and diagnosed myself just as the professionals had come to the same conclusion. They were the first ones to mention it, not me, but I came around. I guess they're reluctant to label you unless you admit to periods of mania and depression.

Here's the problem. Because my mate has known more advanced unmedicated cases of bipolar, he thought there was no way I could have it. I had to educate him. In the end he said, "I just want you happy. Do whatever you think you need to do to feel better." So I'm pursuing my treatment on my own mostly. And you can do the same thing so long as he understands that you can't just stop taking your meds without risking going into a terrible swing one way or the other.

That would be the bear minimum is for him to say he won't stop you from taking your meds or pursuing relief from your symptoms. In my opinion anyway. Although it will be tough to not have his support and him secretly thinking that you're "fine."

Bad joke, but I like to say when people say, "It's all in your head."
"Exactly." Then they're kind of stunned.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by tishtosh

What happens next? and im in love with a man im supposed to be gettin married to but i cant because he doesnt understand? wat do i do? im so upset. pls help..

I understand how shocked you are. But everything Thinker and Tish said is true. You're gonna get some resistance from him at first. But as a person who suffered from uncontrollable depressions for years before I was diagnosed correctly as bipolar, believe me you will be glad once you get on the right meds. It makes all the difference. Try not to panic. My step-daughter and her boyfriend struggled with this when she first started therapy and treatment for depression (they even split up for 3 months) but now they've been married for six years. He's come around to understanding a little better that it's something she needs and that she also needs his support. Even watching me struggle has made him more aware of what it all is about.

Hang in there and try out the meds. Sometimes it takes a while to hit on the right combo but there are lots of them to work with. I wish you the best.

[lotusflames]

perhaps try and find things for him to read about your diagnosis so that he can understand and start to learn about what you go through.

[FeelingHopeful]

I think once he learns about bipolar he will be ok try with the books. They will be a big help. Im reading up on it now and it is a big help.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

I think once he learns about bipolar he will be ok try with the books. They will be a big help. Im reading up on it now and it is a big help.

There is also stuff here at PC about bipolar and it's symptoms that you could print out and give him. It might be less overwhelming than a book on it.

Also, it is in most good guys philosophy to "fix" whatever problem their mate has. So his saying that he is your T doesn't disturb me. It shows he wants to help you. BUT you need to re-educate him that in helping you he needs to "support" not "fix".