[mcl82]

I have a genetic predisposition to bipolar disorder. Knowing this, I have kept a watchful eye on my behavioral patterns over the years (once I accepted that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did end up like those in my family with the same disorder).

I am beginning to feel as if I need to attach a name to whatever it is I have been tracking - and I don't think it is the same type of bipolar disorder as is in my family. I think I need to consider talking to a psychologist about the possibility of testing for rapid cycling.

This is a rough example of my behavioral patterns (which I have kept a tally (literally) of over the past 2yrs):

I am not sure which comes first, so I will just start with the mania-like behaviors....
- I become a night person.
- I have more energy then I know what to do with.
- What seems logical to me, is, in actuality, complete chaos. example: Once, I decided to reorganize my entire basement. I did this by dumping everything in the middle of the room, then started scrubbing the walls, throwing away perfectly good boxes and replacing them with tubber ware bins. I made a list of everything in the room and sorted the items based off of my list - then each bin received it's own list. all items were placed in the new bins by size and color and had to all face the same direction.
- I also go on a cleaning spree beyond normalcy. The Health Department would love me during this time. Nothing is clean enough! I once took apart my bathroom sink because it didn't feel clean. I had spent the day scrubbing, lysoling, and even polishing the sink. However, I KNEW those pipes were dirty! It HAD to come apart or it would NEVER be truly clean. My poor husband had to convince me that this was simply mad.
- Creative ideas take over. I have several artistic hobbies. This phase tends to bring out the greatest amount of focus towards those hobbies.
- I carbo-load.
- Obsessive list maker. Every list has to have it's own notebook and it's own pen. The lists are quite... well... manic. They're all over the place. I once arranged every vacation for the next seven years - day-by-day. What time I wanted to arrive at our destination. Where I wanted to eat lunch. I even adjusted hotel and airline costs for inflation. I even came up with an envelope plan in order to save up for each vacation.
- I didn't go to college for anything artistic. No, my degree is more pragmatic. I tend to use this phase to contact EVERYONE I KNOW in my degree-field and start wanting to research.
- I tend to get more speeding tickets. I have actually been in danger of losing my license more than once. Last July, my insurance company actually dropped me. Fortunately, I was able to find a new company lol.
- I tend to through caution to the wind and buy useless objects, whether it be clothes, new dishes, books (oh I have a thing for books)....
- I am also a royal *****!

This period tends to last about four days.

Now, I can be on this high, say, Tuesday morning. When it is time for me to crash, I will have done so by Tuesday lunch! I will have become irritable, tired, exhausted and even "sick." This period tends to last 7-10 days. Nothing makes me happy. I am miserable in my life. I don't want to do anything but, because of my familial obligations, I go through the motions rather robotically. I'm a joy-killer.

Gradually, I will level out. I will be... normal... I will be happy and in love with my husband. I want to around everyone, but moderately. I still get stressed. I still get tired. I still get bored... but it's all normal levels. This period will also last 7-10 days.

Obviously, my high episodes are disruptive. What has kept me from seeking any sort of help is the simple fact that I feel functional at all times. During my lows, I am still meeting my obligations. I may be completely unsocial, tired and gloomy... but work is getting done and on time. When I'm up, I feel like superman (woman, I suppose lol). I manage to tear apart my sink AND bake a cake from scratch AND finish my work, AND be the perfect PTO mom, AND ___ AND ___ AND ___ etc...

Also, I'm not really sure how to present my concerns of this potential clinical rapid cycling behavior to a psychologist. I'm not just going to walk in and say "hey, I think I'm a rapid cycling bipolar. How can you help me?"

Finally, my biggest fear is that I am right. I don't take medication. When I have a headache - I deal with it. I broke my next in an unfortunate accident a few years back. I was confined to a halo for 6months. I didn't pop a single pain pill. My kids were 100% natural child birth. It's not that I don't believe in taking medication. I am supportive of modern medicine. My body tends to take whatever drug is consumed and doubles the effects. Benadryl may make a normal person drowsy. I will sleep for 12+ hours off of a child's dose. I've always been like that. "May cause nausea." I might as well be put on bed rest with a bucket next to me. I don't even want to think of the effects of mood stabilizers on person such as myself.

What do you think I should do from this point?

[amaviena]

Talk to a doctor. Sound on the bipolar spectrum to me.

[rcsweep]

Finally, my biggest fear is that I am right. I don't take medication. When I have a headache - I deal with it. I broke my next in an unfortunate accident a few years back. I was confined to a halo for 6months. I didn't pop a single pain pill. My kids were 100% natural child birth. It's not that I don't believe in taking medication. I am supportive of modern medicine. My body tends to take whatever drug is consumed and doubles the effects. Benadryl may make a normal person drowsy. I will sleep for 12+ hours off of a child's dose. I've always been like that. "May cause nausea." I might as well be put on bed rest with a bucket next to me. I don't even want to think of the effects of mood stabilizers on person such as myself.

What do you think I should do from this point?[/quote]

talk to doc and be truthful about everything and if he/she feels meds are what you need let them know about your sensitivity to meds. I was in the same boat and found out the hard way that normal doses for most were way too much for me and had some bad reactions. now my pdoc starts me out supper slow on meds.

[amaviena]

I'm the same with medication. You go for minimal side effects and sometimes you can get something for the nausea from your pdoc too. I take Lithium ER instead of regular lithium because it helps with nausea and an antipsychotic that's basically side effect neutral. It IS possible. And they monitor your blood if its twice as effective like you say. They can check different levels or different drugs.

[thinker22]

Other than the having kids part and cycling every 7-10 days, you sound like you are describing my life. I am Bipolar I. I am getting more an more OCD. In fact, I plan to take apart my closet today and rearrange it because 85% of my clothes don't fit me now and they're squishing all the space for my new clothes (bought on a buying spree this week).

I stay up for days with little sleep. In fact, I've been in this semi manic - mixed - manic episode since July 31st...no meds have been able to slow me down, not even sleep aids. still getting 4-6 hours. I feel invincible, or like "Wonder Woman" as I call it. Haha...not superwoman.

I used to be so anti meds that I wouldn't even take a Tylenol for extreme period pain until I was like 23. I tried meds for my depression at 20, had a bad reaction and vowed never to try them again. I did for 8 years, then it got so bad again I had to try something new. Took me a year more of depression until I became manic...happens about once a year.

You seem like rapid cycling bipolar to me too. I wouldn't mention that to a psychiatrist. I'd just go in with all your lists, journals, and symptoms. He or she will diagnose you. You also seem OCD. I make lists and charts too and wash my hands probably 50+ times a day. I also speed when I'm manic because everyone seems to be going so slow. And I make dangerous blind passes on 2 way highways with no divider!

Bad me. I'm just saying I identify and you should definitely seek treatment and don't give up on the process. I have several times, but they weren't even treating me for the right disease until a few months ago. It takes time and you will have some bad reactions to meds, but there are good ones out there for you. It's too dangerous not to get it treated. It only gets worse with time. Just tell your doc that you need to be upped on everything very slowly because of your reactions.

Take care and keep us posted.

Here for you.

[VickiesPath]

I've been in the "system" for nearly 25 years, initially misdiagnosed as unipolar, struggling with antidepressants that didn't work very well. Eventually, about 4-5 years ago, I was correctly diagnosed as bipolar. Some think I'm bipolar I, some think II. I don't care. I feel pretty good on what I take so I don't care what they write down.

I'm pretty sure I've been bipolar all my life. It does run in our family because we have many suicides going back three generations. Judging from what I have read and studied over the past 25 years, you sound like a rapid-cycling bipolar I. But please note that I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I know nothing about the OCD part.

One thing that I have found helpful when first talking to a doctor that I've never seen before, I usually talk about symptoms first. In fact, if you could print out your initial post above, that would suffice. After giving them a clear, complete picture of all of my symptoms, I then say something like, "Do you think I could be _________ ?" Their job is the diagnosis part. Then you can discuss the particulars, like being sensitive to meds, etc. I don't want to seem weird here, but if you give the doc the impression that you know a little something but still allow them to be the "expert", it goes a long way. I have met a lot of wonderful doctors in the past, but the one I happen to have at this time is a jerk. Sorry, but it's true.

It's always been a big decision for bipolars when it comes to taking mood stabilizers because we DO like some of the things about mania. Last time I was manic, I wallpapered my mother's entire large bathroom in three days, with no help! About the end of the second day, I thought, I sure am getting a lot of work done. Then it dawned on me that I was manic!

The last thing I wanted to say is, after a few years of enjoying mania, I finally got tired of the extreme moods and wanted to feel even on a daily basis. I'm not unhappy that I made that decision. I like being able to depend on how I'm going to feel from day to day.

I wish you luck. Please keep us posted on your progress.