[kris9999]

Normally I post in the DD forum since my DID has been my main focus lately... But when I woke up this morning some things started to confuse me. I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 15 (along with DID and others) but not until yesterday when I received my medical records did I know which bipolar I was diagnosed with.

Until this past year I didn't even know there were two types of bipolar. Shows how much research I do into myself doesn't it? Yesterday when I was going over my records they said I have bipolar 1. I still don't know the difference between the two.

The thing that confuses me however, is that I don't seem to have periods of "high". My moods range from depression to severe depression. Never a happy part in it. I don't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy! When I have my "manic episodes" I'm not happy at all, I just finally have enough energy to get out of the house. I feel trapped when I'm inside, I always need to be up and going somewhere. I spend more money than I should, I sleep much less and basically can't sit still. But none of this makes me happy. I just do it mostly because I feel if I sit in one spot for too long I will go crazy.

Is it normal for bipolar 1 to never be happy even in their "high"? And can anyone tell me what the difference between bipolar 1 and 2 are? If you do have bipolar 1, do you feel the same way as me? Still depressed just with more energy?

Thanks for any responses, I'm hoping that maybe learning more will help me to understand myself better!

Kris

[amaviena]

There's a mixed form, dear, instead of high manias, that doesn't have to be happy at all. I'm BP I.

[thinker22]

I've had irritability, impulsive behavior, including spending sprees on travel and clothes, and depression at the same time. It is mixed as Ama said. It's still considered a part of mania and counts for the dx of Bipolar I.

My current manic episode has elation and joke telling, which it was more like in my childhood. But it was this way in NYC too when I was drinking too much almost every night.

Anyway I'm Bipolar I, but I was depressed for so long that the psych nurse thought I was Bipolar II since I was depressed all the time she'd seen me. My therapist knew better from the episodes I'd described, but it took a psych doc to get it right finally. I'd go back in time and plot your childhood and adolescence and see if there was any period, even a week or a day where you felt silly, energetic, full of life, and couldn't sit still, but all the rest of the time you seemed to be depressed and listless. This was the experience of my childhood and it only grew worse with time. Higher highs and lower lows.

I guess you could say people thought I was 2 or 3 different persons when I was in school because I adapted according to each environment in my classes. In one, I was the class clown, in another, I was shy and withdrawn, in another I was a smart know it all, etc. And then after school I was a jock playing sports and any one of the moods could show up, usually silly or depressed/angry though.

So, it's possible to have many of your symptoms and just be bipolar I not DID. Of course, I may have had DID in childhood. Who knows?

That's what I have experienced anyway.

[amaviena]

If you have an specific questions drop me a mail. I'm stable right now and more than happy to help.
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[guggy]

I have bipolar I, although I've never been depressed myself, only two years since my first episode. I quote from memory so I can't cite the source, but there has been research published saying that both bipolar I and bipolar II spend more time depressed than manic.