[xflygirl]

I have so many questions but prefer to initiate myself to this site by telling "the story" first.
My husband and I met in May 2007. He had been married for 14 years and was divorced in Mar. 2007. He proposed to me six weeks after we met and we were married in Oct. 2007. I was 44 and he was 40. We were- and still are- in love and believe it was meant to be.
Although many symptoms of a bipolar condition were present at times in 2007 and 2008, they're only present now in hindsight. There wasn't any one major red flag until this year. In January 2009, my husband had an "episode" that was clearly and undeniably not normal behavior. He growled like a dog, used profanity and vulgarity, became physically aggressive (just short of harming me or himself) and threatened to kill me. At that time, we had firearms in the house. I ran out of the house and dialed 911 when he went to the closet the firearms were in. When the police arrived, he thought they were grim reapers. He was screaming accusations about me that were absolutely false. The police thought he was drunk because he had a beer on the coffee table. I told them that he was not drunk and rarely had more than two drinks ever in a 24 hr. period.
He had not broken any law but was clearly not in his right mind. I was able to convince his best friend- and really, his only friend- to come bring him to his house that night. The police agreed and waited until he left with his friend.
The next day, my husband came home like a whipped kitten. He had almost zero recall of the last 12 hrs. of his life. We immediately saw a Psychologist for an assessment and also an MD for tests to rule out any other cause for his behavior such as a brain tumor or such. The psychologist did not believe he needed medication and didn't steer us in that direction. He saw my husband once a week for therapy.
When it became clear to me that it was considered to be an isolated incident by the professionals we saw, I asked them, "what can I do when this happens again?" I was told to take him to the ER. I said, "What if I can't do that because he's threatening to kill me?" They said to call 911 and request emergency transport to the nearest ER.
This past Sunday, it happened again. This time, no handguns are available to him or us so I'm not as scared. However, he started yelling at me as if I were his ex-wife and then flew at me up and over the sofa and punched the hell out of my head. He also threatened to cut me in half with his ninja sword. (If you've seen "Kill Bill"- it's THAT sword.) While he was running for the sword, I was running out the door with the phone. I called for help and the police arrived. I told them what had happened and that he needed to be taken to the nearest ER. They refused to do that. Of course, he's not helping matters by yelling at them and at me the entire time.
They took him to jail despite my telling them that I would not press charges. They pressed charges. I told them that I did what I was told to do if he had another episode and they said they just didn't care.
He was booked and placed in Maximum security at the county jail. Although he's 42, the man looks like one of the Backstreet Boys and he's unstable and stuck in a room of 21 beds with murderers and rapists and armed robbers. He was transferred to minimum security after 18 hrs. He was in police custody from 1130pm Sun until 5pm Tuesday when his bail went through.
When I picked him up, he was highly manic still but not aggressive or violent. It has taken me this week of calling everywhere and trying to find help before I found a hospital (with available beds) that could do an intake assessment. He was finally admitted as an inpatient after 4 hours there.
I know we have a long, but not impossible, road ahead. Hopefully, I came to the right place for support as we deal with this.

[lonegael]

Oh my word, you have been through a lot! ((((xflygirl)))) I have to say I admire your coursage to stick around after the first time, and in all the work you did finding him help. In my case, I don't get "pure" manias, but I do get dysphoric mania (depressions with a twist) that can erupt into stuff very much like what you describe. Usually I don't think clearly enough to go for a weapon and the most deadly thing I've taken to was a bowl of potatoes. I can do some amount of reasoning now that I know what is going on and get myself someplace where others are not until it passes, but if I can't, then bad things can happen.
It would be great if you can find a T for yourself as well as for your husband. It is important for you to have support in how to handle these situations and protect yourself. Though honestly, I think you did great, I would hate to see you have to go it alone. HUggs, dear, I hope you keep posting, and welcome to PC. Keep safe!

[phoenix47baby]

Clearly you did the right thing by getting him into a psych hospital for treatment. It does sound like he might need some sort of medication in order to control these outbursts. You are a very strong woman who wants to hold her marriage together and can see all of the wonderful things in her husband. But how frightening to witness someone change before your eyes. Make sure that you are completely included on all medical decisions that they make for your husband. Good Luck and good for you for intervening.

[xflygirl]

Thank you so much for the replies and support. He called me this morning to say he was doing all right and wants me to come visit this afternoon. I'm sure I'll have many more questions as we get through the beginning and into the new normal.
Thanks again!

[BNLsMOM]

You have shown amazing support and understanding for your husband, and clearly did the right thing for him. I went to the hospital twice for dangerous depression, so my situation wasn't quite the same as your husband's but I want you to know that the hospital I went to helped get me on the right path to saving my life and getting proper treatment. It sounds like your husband, even though he is having episodes is at least a little bit willing to go for treatment which will serve him well in the future.

I am sure the hospital will set him up with outpatient treatment as part of his discharge plan, and will invite you for a meeting to discuss the plans.

One other thing you can do for your husband is to visit him in the hospital. For me the hardest part of being there was when I didn't have anyone able to visit. Most days someone came, but there were one or two days when no one was able. I understood, but it was lonely.

I can tell that you are a loving wife and that will help your husband through this. I agree with the above, that you might want to seek support for yourself as well. You may even want marriage counseling so that you both can learn to live with your husband's chronic condition.

Thanks for posting, and welcome!

Wow, xflygirl, you really have been through a LOT! All the above comments are right on. My impression matches phoenix47baby in that there's a good chance he will need meds to even out. Like lonegael, I only go hypomanic (so, no thinking people are grim reapers etc), but was writing just last night about some of my more mortifying and violent moments (fortunately, --though it seems a strange word-- I tend to _self_-destruct. I really can only imagine what it is like to witness and be an object of. )

I'm curious. He hadn't had any diagnosis prior to this? Or will this intake assessment be the first time he's seen a psychiatrist? Do you know if he had had episodes before you met him? I'm especially curious because you say he doesn't remember them.

Best of luck to you, and remember, we are here. I've only been here a short time myself, but have found it to be a wonderful and supportive place.

[lonegael]

Hi Innerzone! I go hypo until I go mixed, and I'm not sure how that measures on the geigercounter Hugs and cheers!

[lonegael]

(((Xflygirl))) How is he doing now? How are you?