[Moreta]

I finally made it to my first support group this week, and I was thoroughly disappointed. Everyone had to introduce themselves and when they did they would say "Hi, I'm (insesrt name) and I'm living with Bipolar...."

Is Bipolar renting a room from you?? It just seems silly to say that. Why can't people just say "hey, I'm bipolar." I already know your living since you're sitting here converting air into oxygen.

One more thing....GET OVER YOUR BAD CHILDHOOD! DO NOT BE DEFINED BY THE PAST! Seriously, just accept it, you can't change it, and hell you're still alive. (*disclaimer* I had a bad childhood, filled with emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse...but I'm not going to be defined by that, nor do I deserve to be.)

ALSO, don't complain about your medicine not working right if YOU ARE NOT taking it as the Doctor has prescribed.

*end rant*

The one good thing about going was that my friend from the partial program I was in came, and we got to go out to eat afterward. She said she didn't really like the group either, but it could've just been an off night, so we're going to give it 3 more times.

It was also slightly crazy because that was the first night in 10 weeks that I had been out after 9:00 pm by myself.

[NuckingFutz]

Why was it the first night out after that time in so long? If it is a problem maybe we can help you with it but we would need more info from you. The reason we say we are living with bipolar instead of we are bipolar is because we are not our illness. We are so much more than our illness. We are family, workers,veterans, soldiers, parents, children, old farts and everything inbetween. As you know this a changing illness with no cure. For some of us, this is the only help that well...helps. People heal at their own speed. They need a safe place to come here and not be judged or yelled at or triggered by posts that need a trigger warning. We already have the bad stuff. We need to be reminded that there is never a day without sun, that somedays it is just behind the clouds. I think for all of us it is better to work together...won't you join us?

[fergusmccallister]

I love my support group but it's more of a generic support group for people with various mental challenges, e.g. anxiety, bipolar, depression. We do start the night by saying our name and then we go over how we did that week. The last hour is for the person that had the worst week where we ask questions in order to help them.

I think many of the these groups have their foundation in alcoholics anonymous. e.g. my name is John and I'm an alcoholic. I agree saying your label is a bit strange.

[knothead]

I think NuckingFutz's statement was very well put.

(QueenAcct) Maybe you should just try to keep an open mind when going to the group. Now that I'm in various stages of recovery from different things, I realize that I have a tendency to make fun of the stuff that hits close to home. It's all just a defense mechanism -- it's something that I'm working on. Perhaps that's what is going on with you, as well. A lot of the stuff involving recovery is corny and seems silly, but it works; otherwise these methods wouldn't still be around.

[NuckingFutz]

You know this post kinda reminds me of how i use to view the world...you know, before the incident and way before the bipolar diagnosis. I think thanks to this post, i have the courage to get that fachal reconstuction done. Because if i get the surgery, i can not be reminded of what happens when you do not do the bj thing right. I will make a plan to have that done this year and work on forgiveness for what he and my uncles did. I know i can get over this. Then the horrible pains in my jaw and face...the bad dreams will all go away and i can visit my father and my uncles. They are in seperate prisons but there are 2 holidays. Then i can go visit mom's grave. She was always so sweet. Nana would sit me in her lap while in her wheelchair. She was always so protective of me. Dad would walk near and mom would just hug me so tight and wisper for me to stay hushed. I do have good memories of her so i know i can get over it. Thanks for the courage!

[Moreta]

What I really don't understand is the people that don't actually help themselves. They want everyone else to tell them what to do, but then they don't even do it. Or they just want to have there situation validated by someone who's in the same place. It's just very frustrating sitting there and everyone agreeing with everyone else, and never actually giving a solution on how to handle the situation. Maybe I just need to go to a support group that has an actual therapist as the moderator to keep the group on track.

I'm sorry if this upsets people, but it just really frustrates me. My husband said the problem is that when you have above average intelligence, support groups/therapy doesn't really help. For example when he was 18 his mother made him go to therapy, and at the end of the session his mother was called in, and the therapist told her that there was nothing wrong with him, and that he was an adult and he could make his own decisions. My husband is very good with words and can talk his way out of just about anything. When I look back at the other therapy sessions I have been to in the past, I can see how this could be true, because I did exactly the same thing.

The BIG difference this time around is that I knew I needed help. So this time I have been very open with my psych/therapist. I think if people would be more open with their doctors, they would actually get the help they need. But then of course people would have to take there medication the right way, and use the proper coping skills. But what I have found is that people are creatures of habit, and even though they don't use the proper coping skills, they're not going to be open to doing something a different way.

Also I do want to help people, because now after being in a partial hospitalization program for 5 weeks, an inpatient for 1, I actually think I get it now. I can handle my mom for the first time in 25 years, and for the first time I understand that she is the way she is, and I can't change that, but I can use 1.) Fogging 2.) Redirect the Conversation and 3.) Not internalizing her problems and making them my own. Plus, I don't have to live up to her standards, because they are just insane (for example I graduated college with a 3.82 GPA, but it wasn't a 4.0 GPA, so that must have meant I didn't try hard enough).

I am trying to be a more positive person, but it's really hard when people won't help themselves.

Slightly manic today?

Also, I usually don't go out by myself at night because I have problems seeing. Since I had LASIK done it makes all the lights at night get halos around them and everything just kind of blends together, unless I really concentrate, but who wants to do that when they're driving. lol.

[BNLsMOM]

I understand what you are saying, and it is frustrating to see people who are suffering, especially when it seems that it is because of their own refusal to receive help. Please try to remember, however that everyone recovers in his/her own way and have to experience things through his/her own filter. Try to remember that you are primarily responsible for your own recovery and although you feel frustrated by others, that they are doing what they can to help themselves. You aren't responsible for helping anyone else recover. Work on yourself, and you will be more satisfied in your own life. People will naturally be drawn to you and then when you share your own story, you may inspire someone to work harder on his/her recovery. That is more powerful for you and them than wasting time and energy on judgement of other people.

[NuckingFutz]

So um, how is your medication working for you? Some of us have more than one mental illness did they diagnose you with anything else? Cause you see they can compound the problem. I can tell you are a go getter and like to solve problems and get on with life.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

So um, how is your medication working for you and that narcissistic personality thing you got going on there?

Are you asking me. or Queen?

[NuckingFutz]

Um sorry...wrong thread. I edited and fixed it.

[lonegael]

((((Queen Accountant))))) I can see what you mean about support groups value for folks with above normal intelligence, but I think that that effect dies off if the "smart" person really wants to work with their problems.
There are folks try to get out of the intake interviews for programs they need, and they leave thinking they have pulled a number on us. My brother-in-law is certain that he is way too intelligent for any psychotherapist to deal with, that he can fool them all. What neither realizes is that in the first case, I and my colleagues who do the intakes have better things to do than chase people who don't want to either be helped or help themselves. My brother-in-law merely bolts when the therapists finally confront him, and complains later about how insensitive they are

I don't know what your whole story is or your husband's is; I know the wrong group can be a disaster. But give it a try. Sometimes what you get going in these groups is that bipolar is only one of the problems there. Some folks are terrified of taking responsibility because they are so sure they'll do something wrong. Or the only thing they have been able to do that stymies an abuser is out suffer them, so to not "suffer" becomes a threat to their identity. I know it can drive me bonkers, but be merciful. Not everyone can be strong. HUgs though, and congrats fo trying the first time!

[NuckingFutz]

Um, yeah...shouldn't this thread go in the npd forum so that people reading won't get confused by what is written and what the subtle messages are saying to the people who read it?

[susan888]

Queen Accountant

I'm really sorry, but I found your post a bit intolerant of others. Maybe you can just "get over" your childhood. Good for you!!! But please, please don't judge the rest of us that still carry that trauma. I'm very happy for you that you have been able to get past all that you went through as a child. We are not all the same. We find our healing in different ways and some take longer.

Maybe you could be a mentor in your group and share with others how you have managed to leave all that behind???

[NuckingFutz]

I am not a pdoc or moderator & if i do not word this carefully, a former member of this board. This may be the most personally important post i have ever felt i had to make. I have been a member of this board for over a decade. Some of you are closer to me than family and cannot bear to loose those precious bonds. I am not highjacking this thread. It concerns our new friend queenaccountant and the dx she received. See i have this link that i want to post here but i do not know how to make the link clickable? It looks like this: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm it concerns npd symtoms. I say this because i see that maybe the pdoc can test for this. I honestly think this may have been overlooked somehow. Can someone please post the link in this thread? My mom had this. Maybe queenaccountant can share this with her pdoc. Could also use some feedback pm's cause i got triggered. Thanks.

One more thing....GET OVER YOUR BAD CHILDHOOD! DO NOT BE DEFINED BY THE PAST! Seriously, just accept it, you can't change it, and hell you're still alive. (*disclaimer* I had a bad childhood, filled with emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse...but I'm not going to be defined by that, nor do I deserve to be.)

ALSO, don't complain about your medicine not working right if YOU ARE NOT taking it as the Doctor has prescribed.

Most people do feel a heavy emotion regarding certain things and feel they must tell the world to accept it, get over it an succeed in life.

Much later as my life changed did I realize why I had such a heavy opinion. It was that my own subconsciene I found things in them that were things in me that I disliked.
That was something that I had to re-learn to not judge again.
That I was not walking in their shoes, nor experienced their life's lessons, etc.

Denial was not only causing my life to be stagnate - I felt halted. Until I finally accepted the diagnosis, then I was able to gentle take the steps to control it.

Of course I was upset, even angry - But it was at myself. I had such high expectations of myself that this could just not be. Being dianosised as a Bipolar. How insulting. I'm not crazy.

Bipolar is one of many serious diagnosis's. It is difficult to stabilize the chemicals: Neurons and transmitters in the brain, not function properly.

Often an Anita-Depression, Anti-Anxiety and a mood stabilizer are the medications used for the depression and manic (or simple the up and down mood swings (for no reason)

Denial acceptance of the diagnosis can be divistating. Shocking. I could not comprehend it. I saw it as a weakness. It must mean I'm crazy!

You are not crazy

It is very difficult to accept what they in the professionally could know my ailment.

I remember questioning others in a group I was attending for this disorder. I question myself Am I like that, do I do that, do I give off that behavior or impression? I noticed in the group there were many types of personalities and life styles.

In the very beginning I was 30, high class career, quite a some of money per year, lived in a plush society. Kept up with the Jones, per say.

But, something was off - me. My primary Doctor suggested I take Prozac. I actually cried and said 'that means I crazy!' I hid the fact that I was on medication for a chemical imbalance.

Investigation answered a lot of my question's yet along the way there were mord the reasons I had. But that was okay, because I needed to to all about medication and systems of bipolar.

When I began the medication, I was stunned - I felt a complete mental clearness. I was able to forces. Some my thinking and behaviors were functioning something I hadn't felt before. And it was good

While investigating the diagnosis and the medication - I found that the diagnosis is very interesting. Not something I would chose to have nor excited that I did have. But it made sense, I could sense the clarity

Part of what I learned is that it not a sickness, rather it a chemical in the brain that was missing, causing the neurons and transmitters to move erratically

Privacy and embarrassment was still a concern, but this is my business to share or whatever I decided to do with the information. What I did know is that the medication was working. I defiantly knew that!

As for the past, things that occurred in my life things that I was not in control of or had no control over, yet it did effect me, yet I covered it with a mask as if I had everything in perfect control.

I finally decided to try a therapist. That perhaps there were subconsciene things I'd never looked at, in fact blocked, and along the way had been told to block them and just get on with life.

Working with a therapist, that I felt comfortable with, allowed me to slowly recall situations in my childhood up to my adulthood that I never knew were really affecting me, my thoughts, the way I thought about things and accept the things of myself.

I now knew what it was, and that under therapy and medication I could relieve things that have un-knowingly stunted my being.

I knew that it was some new, but something interesting to know about myself and know that I could work on controlling it.

I no longer denied, nor stuffed it under a rug, nor did I judge others for the personal issue - as never walked in their shoes... besides I had enough of my own to deal with.

GOD IS GOOD

[NuckingFutz]

Um i do not know if anyone has noticed this but there is no dialog going on in this thread. No true EXCHANGE of ideas...feel like you are talking to a wall. Not one responder has even been acknowledged execept in the most superficial answer to a factual question. What do we know about the poster other than what she wants us to know. Ask yourselves...if you were a member of her group and you read this thread would you freely open your emotional selves up to the critisism and preaching that has become clearly evident here. Or would you take a self preservation stance and protect yourselves? I would run screaming from the room. I am done providing narcissistic supply to this poster.

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Um i do not know if anyone has noticed this but there is no dialog going on in this thread. No true EXCHANGE of ideas...feel like you are talking to a wall. Not one responder has even been acknowledged execept in the most superficial answer to a factual question. What do we know about the poster other than what she wants us to know. Ask yourselves...if you were a member of her group and you read this thread would you freely open your emotional selves up to the critisism and preaching that has become clearly evident here. Or would you take a self preservation stance and protect yourselves? I would run screaming from the room. I am done providing narcissistic supply to this poster.

I agree and it is an prue, absolute example of being a narcisstic and
Someone Defiently Wanting attention and Not in a postive way

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

GOD IS GOOD

Why did you have to bring God into the topic?

2 words: Evolution, Dinosaurs.

And no I do not have NPD. I thought I could speak freely here, but apparently not. I was having a bad day, and just needed to rant. Do other people not do this on this board? I mean I did mark it with a trigger icon, so technically you all didn't need to read it.

I'm out.

[lonegael]

Thanks Nucking Futz. Point well taken.

Originally Posted by QueenAccountant

Why did you have to bring God into the topic?

2 words: Evolution, Dinosaurs.

And no I do not have NPD. I thought I could speak freely here, but apparently not. I was having a bad day, and just needed to rant. Do other people not do this on this board? I mean I did mark it with a trigger icon, so technically you all didn't need to read it.

I'm out.

God has everything to do with everything I do - But it is up to me to do the right thing.
P.S. Evolution, by no means in heck WOULD I CLAIM I WAS GUPPY that crawled onto land - and for some reason didn't transform as it met the ape stage - Ummm.......

[NuckingFutz]

The trigger icon does not show up on mobile web and my phone is my only access at the moment. Oh gosh, dear dinosaur what's a bipolar to do?

[sabby]

Let me please remind everyone here that this is a support site, not a place to diagnose another member. Nor is this a site to discuss our beliefs in religion/evolution.

For those who have been supportive, thank you for your input.

At this time I am closing this thread.

_sabby_