[NuckingFutz]

I have never admitted to myself how ashamed to go on ssdi or va benefits. I always considered myself high functioning. I want to work...i just cannot do it. I can handle something parttime for now but that is about it. I have someone to help me with the paperwork. I cannot remember dates or half my doctors names. I hope the person helping me is prepared to hold my hand through this. I am just a wreck over this. Support please?

[BNLsMOM]

I am planning on doing the same thing, but I really need help too. I can't remember all the jobs I have had in the last 15 years. Too many to count. It is hard to admit I can't work because I am still fairly young, but it is just impossible right now.

I hope you and I find a sense of relief when we are done with the application process. Good luck.

[Rohag]

Hi, NuckingFutz (& BNLsMOM)! I do not remember my "application times" fondly. They were necessary if unpleasant. Without help I doubt I could have made it through the bureaucratic processes.

I know it's cliché, but, from one vet to others, thank you for your service.

Speaking personally, the discomfort of making use of benefits and entitlements is probably going to stick with me throughout my life. Nevertheless, you devoted a portion of your life, perhaps the best or one of the best, strongest times of your life to "the greater good." Whatever you receive, you more than deserve.

[perpetuallysad]

Good luck, NuckingFutz. I hope the process is easy for you. How did you find someone to help you?

[BNLsMOM]

I have to clear up my last post. I am not a veteran. I was talking about the SSDI application for myself.

Sorry about that, but thank you, Nucking and Rohag for your service.

[thinker22]

I applied for SSDI, SSI, and my state insurance plan this summer/early fall. It's a helluva process, but I realized that if I have to drop out of school due to instability, I would have no insurance. Also, I've never held a full time job for more than a few months, and my part time jobs are all I have been able to do since I was 18. All this time I thought I was lazy or a loser, now I get that the stress of PTSD and extreme moods were beyond my control and will likely continue the sad track record.

I had 10 jobs in the last 10 years (breaks in between for school). I had to rummage through old tax records to get the dates right. I've also had around 10 doctors in the past year. Had to fill out pages of my daily activities and how my disability affected my quality of life, so did my partner (I guess so they could see if I was delusional). What else did they need? Oh, you have to complete things online that are really long. Blah. Starting the application is easy though. It's like 1 page of info online, then they give you a case number.

SSI takes 160 days currently before you get an answer. Not sure how long SSDI takes. I forget. I got a positive decision for the state's disability insurance. So it's likely I'll get SSDI. All the release forms to my providers were a pain. So it goes.

If not for being manic for 9 weeks, there is no way I could've done all that.

I'm glad you have someone to help you. If you have any questions for me, I'd be glad to help. PM me. I have copies of everything I turned in.

[ilazria]

ha, I got on today to ask about this very thing. I'm in the middle of filing. Some of it seems so very confusing and overwhelming, which usually causes my brain to just shut down until I wander away.

Right now they have me filling out some papers about the more personal side of things. So many of these questions want such black and white answers. Like, can I go outside, or, do I spend time with others? Well, there is no yes or no. It's both. Sometimes I am fine enough to go outside. Sometimes I'm able to be around people. But it's so very subjective. If I have my husband with me, I can act almost normal. He's kind of like my security blanket, I guess. Sometimes I can voluntarily encounter people, but it takes a good 30 minutes or so most times, just to talk myself into it. I can also be around people that I know and have become comfortable around. But there are also times when I can barely stand to be around anyone, or when I'm hypomanic and I end up doing or saying things that are embarrassing for myself or others. Or, can I do housework, or complete tasks. Again, that is subject to my moods. Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. Do I answer these using worst case scenarios? What if they do some random surveillance, and catch me on an ok day? I haven't gone back to work since the birth of my second child, because I do better when I have the safety of my home to hide in. But I do try to get out, and there are tasks I have managed to become comfortable doing, such as going to the grocery store. When I'm in my comfort zones, I'm ok. But my moods bounce around so quickly, that while I might be ok one day, or even a week or 2, I could just as quickly be so depressed, irritable or panicky that I'd rather not even leave the house to go to the mail box.

I'm also worried about whether this will affect my kids. What if they decide I'm too crazy to take care of them? I stay at home with them, while my husband works. I put everything I can into taking care of them first. Sometimes the stress gets to me, and my people phobia has made it very difficult when it comes to interacting with other parents. But they are fed, clothed, surprisingly better disciplined than most of the other kids in the neighborhood, and all in all well taken care of. The main reason I'm filing is for them. I'm afraid of what the added stress of having to work and juggle two kids will do to my moods.

[perpetuallysad]

ilazria, I don't know if you have to worry about random surveillance, though I am not positive, I cannot imagine they have enough agents to go around checking on people. Plus, its not like you are saying you cannot walk, surveying someone with mental health problems seems like it would be too complicated to "catch" someone doing something anyhow.

I used to be terrified to see a psychiatrist because I was certain "they" would think I was "bad" and take my son away. When I finally got the courage to go, my pdoc/t (same person) assured me that just because I couldn't handle tons of other things, didn't mean I was a bad mother. So...unless you are neglectful or abusive, I don't think you have to worry that anyone will take your children away. Its scary as hell though. I still struggle with the idea that I am a terrible mother, though logically I know that I do everything to the best of my ability. Good luck.

That being said, I am going to apply myself. My pdoc and I are working on the best way to say everything and he's going to "support" me through the process.

thinker22, what state do you live in that offers disability insurance? I didn't even know that was something that existed.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by ilazria

ha, I got on today to ask about this very thing. I'm in the middle of filing. Some of it seems so very confusing and overwhelming, which usually causes my brain to just shut down until I wander away.

Right now they have me filling out some papers about the more personal side of things. So many of these questions want such black and white answers. Like, can I go outside, or, do I spend time with others? Well, there is no yes or no. It's both. Sometimes I am fine enough to go outside. Sometimes I'm able to be around people. But it's so very subjective. If I have my husband with me, I can act almost normal. He's kind of like my security blanket, I guess. Sometimes I can voluntarily encounter people, but it takes a good 30 minutes or so most times, just to talk myself into it. I can also be around people that I know and have become comfortable around. But there are also times when I can barely stand to be around anyone, or when I'm hypomanic and I end up doing or saying things that are embarrassing for myself or others. Or, can I do housework, or complete tasks. Again, that is subject to my moods. Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. Do I answer these using worst case scenarios? What if they do some random surveillance, and catch me on an ok day? I haven't gone back to work since the birth of my second child, because I do better when I have the safety of my home to hide in. But I do try to get out, and there are tasks I have managed to become comfortable doing, such as going to the grocery store. When I'm in my comfort zones, I'm ok. But my moods bounce around so quickly, that while I might be ok one day, or even a week or 2, I could just as quickly be so depressed, irritable or panicky that I'd rather not even leave the house to go to the mail box.

I'm also worried about whether this will affect my kids. What if they decide I'm too crazy to take care of them? I stay at home with them, while my husband works. I put everything I can into taking care of them first. Sometimes the stress gets to me, and my people phobia has made it very difficult when it comes to interacting with other parents. But they are fed, clothed, surprisingly better disciplined than most of the other kids in the neighborhood, and all in all well taken care of. The main reason I'm filing is for them. I'm afraid of what the added stress of having to work and juggle two kids will do to my moods.

I totally understand what you've written here. I could have written myself.

[NuckingFutz]

[QUOTE=perpetuallysad;1192215]Good luck, NuckingFutz. I hope the process is easy for you. How did you find someone to help you?[/QUa caseworker saw i was not getting the help i needed and that i was a vet...i think she made me her pet project. She is with section 8 housing.

[lostandscared54]

I am currently still in the service. I have shizoaffective d/o. The Marine Corps is trying to make up its mind on whether they will let me finish out the next 3 years or if they will simply kick me to the curb. I feel the pain. Filling out paperwork can be difficult, especially when questions are asked and black and white answers are desired. We are mentally ill. We live in a colorful world. Nothing is black and white for us. I wish you all the best of luck in your processes.

[thinker22]

On the questions where there was a yes and no answer, I circled each and explained that for example, yes, I could go hang out with people when I am manic, and no, I cannot go out and see people when extremely depressed...I don't even want to leave the house or my bed.

So, I think you can answer however you like and just put your notes below and to the side. We're mental after all. We defy the rules/norms.

It really is impossible to answer things when you're bipolar. Everything is a dichotomy of truth. Everything depends on which state we're in.

for NF

[ilazria]

For those of you who have filed and won your claim, is it true you have to file multiple times? That they automatically deny you the first time around? Also, did you file on your own, or did you have an attorney or something?

[thinker22]

I haven't yet been rejected on my first go round. I'm 1 for 3...the others have months to give me their answer. I have heard the "automatically reject you on the first try" statement, though.

It seems to have everything to do with the extent of medical records and drs' confirmations of your condition and how severe they think it is.

[Anneinside]

I am on SSDI and have been for 2.5 years and I was on disability from an insurance company for a year before that. I still feel uncertain about what to say when someone asks "what do you do", and continue to feel embarrassed about being on disability. However, I know I can't take the stress of work. It sends me right into the hospital.

For SSDI, there is a minimum of 5 months' wait to get benefits. I was awarded SSD on the first try and received my notice of award at 4 months, benefits at 5 months. You don't have to wait as long for SSI but the benefits are usually lower than SSD.

[NuckingFutz]

[QUOTE=perpetuallysad;1192215]Good luck, NuckingFutz. I hope the process is easy for you. How did you find someone to help you?[/QU.........they have a benefits counselor at the va center.

[NuckingFutz]

Well i learned a number of things. I cannot have claims for the va and ssdi at the same time. Also when i applied for va, i could not file under bipolar because it is not service connected...had to file under depression and some physical stuff like my knee injury and back stuff. The va takes a year to award it. Looking at my fellow vets, i do not think i will get it. I do however think if i get rejected by the va...i have an excellent chance at ssdi.