What if it really is the fall...?

There is a common phrase: It's not the fall that kills you-- it's the sudden stop at the end. I can't help but think, for bipolar anyways, "What if it really is the fall that kills you?"

I'm immobile. My mood improves and worsens but always returns to the mildly depressed baseline. I've been told numerous times the things that I need to do to get and stay well: medication, therapy, diet, exercise, socialization, a sense of mastery (to use a psychological phrase.) I believe the first part, most of the time anyway, that I will get well if I take care of myself or at least the odds are in my favour. All of my past depressive episodes I have recovered from, so I am likely to recover from this one as well. That I can stay well is what I have problems believing. Every past depressive episode may have ended, but there has always been another.

I'm immobile. I haven't been able to maintain medication use, fully benefit from therapy, eat 3 times a day (even one time a day is sometimes a challenge), exercise regularly, contact my friends and family to socialize. As for the sense of mastery, I suppose it depends on the area of my life. I think the only think that is preventing me from doing the things I need to do to get and stay well is-- me. I'm afraid to get well, not because I don't enjoy being well, but because I don't know how many times I can bear to loose it again. I afraid that one day the fall will be enough of a trigger to cause my suicide.

((((Merlin)))))) I think all that advice is mainly to keep you well longer that otherwise and minimize the swings when they happen. I know I will eventually tumble again, and I'm not lving my life waiting for it. It will happen, I will feel like crap warmed over, and then I will have to pick myself up and start again. For me, that's life. You probably are doing everything right. It's just the nature of the disease to doo what it does. Keep up the good work though, so that you can get back as soon as you can. Huggs and huggs and hugs!

Merlin,

I am sorry that you are in this place right now and that you have to repeat another darn cycle. All of the loving advice you have been given is great, as long as you feel well enough to venture out. One step at a time. You can do it. Have faith. Take Care.