[FeelingHopeful]

They have to know you care, no matter what,Dont Give up on them! What are the two biggest probs do you think for someone with this?

[VickiesPath]

I know at times it seems impossible for a loved one or significant other to possibly hold up one more day, especially through a very bad episode of bipolar illness. However, the most important thing, IMO, that a loved one or significant other can do is simply NOT GIVE UP. NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT IS even if they have to maintain silence in order to do this or withdraw into another room or ask for a small amount of time to themselves, DO NOT CRITICIZE OR SAY TO THE BIPOLAR PERSON "I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I AM DONE". If we have no one left who cares, if we have no one left who is on our side, we have nothing. For me, when my loved one turns on me, that's when my world becomes unbearable. I have no reason to live. And everything turns from somewhat tolerable to intolerable. To have just one person who cares makes all the difference.

[BNLsMOM]

Vickie said it all.

[lonegael]

Amen.
Never forget that inside all of the chaos and storm there is the person who you have always loved. They are still there.
I remember talking to a woman being discharged from the hospital. She had been diagnosed with a horrible autoimmune disease. Her family, which comes from a culture where such illness is considered shamefull and a punishment for past ills, had abandoned her. She had no where to go. I just remember seeing her silently sitting there, head bowed, trying to get up the courage to go out those doors, and thinking,
"that's what it feels like to have everyone turn their backs."
that's how it felt when my relatives accuse me of doing things for attention.
that's how it feels when my mother says "I can't handle both your father and you".
That's how it feels when my family laughs when my adrenaline goes crazy and leaves me on my knees throwing up or shaking after a scare.
That's how it feels when people call me lazy for not being able to crawl out of bed and excercise before work.
That's what it feels like to have every coping mechanism I have for this disease brushed away as "excuses" whenever people find it convenient.
I no longer talk about it much to people, but that is self protection. It doesn't mean I don't suffer from it all the same.
Sorry for the low mood. Been a long day. Huggs.

The area that may be hardest for loved ones is when their bipolar loved one refuses to follow medical advice. I have bipolar disorder, but I also live with a husband and a son who have bipolar disorder, so I see it from both sides. It is important that we don't enable poor self-care. We've had to make it a rule in our house that we will stay on our med regime consistently. If we don't, we are not holding up our end of the deal because once our meds aren't on board we are not only affecting our own health but also the health of every member of the family. Sometimes it takes some tough love.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks Guys, Your Stories really help me think.

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

They have to know you care, no matter what,Dont Give up on them! What are the two biggest probs do you think for someone with this?

feel astranged.
too much to deal with

these are what I think about me

My wife of ten years kicked me out to go live with my sister when she found out about my mental illness. She is still so much in the dark about my illness. I send her brochures and e-mails to try and get her to understand.She just will not grasp it. It's a cultural thing with her. In Colombia the men cannot express or show emotion.Her dad has prostate cancer, and he is like a piece of stone.My wife takes after her dad. I get along great with her parents, and I think they are trying to understand. I am moving back with my wife and daughter in March. I just hope she has gained a better understanding by then.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

I know at times it seems impossible for a loved one or significant other to possibly hold up one more day, especially through a very bad episode of bipolar illness. However, the most important thing, IMO, that a loved one or significant other can do is simply NOT GIVE UP. NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT IS even if they have to maintain silence in order to do this or withdraw into another room or ask for a small amount of time to themselves, DO NOT CRITICIZE OR SAY TO THE BIPOLAR PERSON "I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I AM DONE". If we have no one left who cares, if we have no one left who is on our side, we have nothing. For me, when my loved one turns on me, that's when my world becomes unbearable. I have no reason to live. And everything turns from somewhat tolerable to intolerable. To have just one person who cares makes all the difference.

VERY very well said! I tried to explain the exact thing to my former best friend of 8 years! All she could do was degrade me (calling me crazy), say how she's better without me, I manipulated her, how I need help, I'm a horrible person...etc etc. It's been about 2 weeks with NC (no contact). At first I thought I would be sad and devastated (which I was for all of about 1 day), but then I realized...If she could say all those things to me/about me, she was never worth the 8 years I devoted to being the best friend I could to her. I know I could have been a better friend (as I am to blame for the falling out just as much as she is), but it hurts a lot knowing the person you care about most blindsides you with a kick to the curb. Although our friendship was rocky (to say the least), I never thought she'd stoop as low as she did.

Overall---I found out who my real friends were throughout the whole ordeal and it's obvious she just wasn't the person I thought she was. *Sorry to rant, I didn't even intend on that*

[FeelingHopeful]

Its ok , rant on, we are here to listen and help! I dont understand how people can just walk away from someone with this illness, Im not saying its not difficult to be with someone who struggles with this, but I think you have to remember the person is the same persn they have always been underneath, someone posted that on here and I couldnt agree more!

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

Its ok , rant on, we are here to listen and help! I dont understand how people can just walk away from someone with this illness, Im not saying its not difficult to be with someone who struggles with this, but I think you have to remember the person is the same persn they have always been underneath, someone posted that on here and I couldnt agree more!

I agree that's its difficult...on both ends. And I'm sure those who suffer also realize it's not a walk in the park for their partner either. I look at it from both ends and I think I've figured out that communication is the key to making things work.

[mlpHolmes]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

I know at times it seems impossible for a loved one or significant other to possibly hold up one more day, especially through a very bad episode of bipolar illness. However, the most important thing, IMO, that a loved one or significant other can do is simply NOT GIVE UP. NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT IS even if they have to maintain silence in order to do this or withdraw into another room or ask for a small amount of time to themselves, DO NOT CRITICIZE OR SAY TO THE BIPOLAR PERSON "I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I AM DONE". If we have no one left who cares, if we have no one left who is on our side, we have nothing. For me, when my loved one turns on me, that's when my world becomes unbearable. I have no reason to live. And everything turns from somewhat tolerable to intolerable. To have just one person who cares makes all the difference.

"When no one left who cares or is on our side, we have nothing"?? I have everything!
I don't have to put my power & happiness into someone elses hands. & I don't have to have someone to care about me. I would like it very much if they did, but if not, that's ok too. I can still have a full, wonderful life.
The world may seem to be unbearable, but I lived through "intolerable, unbearable" times, I beared it ! More than once! I have plenty of reasons to live! Even if it's to volunteer to let a bipolar person know I really do care....

Truly,
Holmes

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by mlpHolmes

"When no one left who cares or is on our side, we have nothing"?? I have everything!
I don't have to put my power & happiness into someone elses hands. & I don't have to have someone to care about me. I would like it very much if they did, but if not, that's ok too. I can still have a full, wonderful life.
The world may seem to be unbearable, but I lived through "intolerable, unbearable" times, I beared it ! More than once! I have plenty of reasons to live! Even if it's to volunteer to let a bipolar person know I really do care....

Truly,
Holmes

You have an excellent point as well. Throughout all of the depressed times in my life, I have made it through all of them. So many times I felt like I hit rock bottom in my life, but I'm still here! You live and you learn; learn from mistakes, learn from people around you, learn through searching what's inside of you.

[dontknowwhattodo198]

My girlfriend is suffering from this illness and is not getting any help whatsoever, due to not having health insurance. She has been very distant towards me lately and never wants me around. I want to help her, but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm such a piece of garbage. I have no idea how to go about this situation anymore. I know I can't completely take off on her because she needs people right now, but I feel as if she is pushing me away on purpose most of the time.

[lonegael]

She might be pushing you away. people who go through the depressed period do this, and sometimes if your hypomanic or manic, you can get a bit paranoid and have a hard time understanding others' signals. Just hang in there. Give her space, but let her know that you are there. It will probably pass, but I can't tel you when. Huggs, and ood luck. Bless you as well.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by dontknowwhattodo198

My girlfriend is suffering from this illness and is not getting any help whatsoever, due to not having health insurance. She has been very distant towards me lately and never wants me around. I want to help her, but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm such a piece of garbage. I have no idea how to go about this situation anymore. I know I can't completely take off on her because she needs people right now, but I feel as if she is pushing me away on purpose most of the time.

Hello Dontknowwhattodo,

Please believe me, I have been treated for depression and bipolar depression for 34 years. She does not want you to go away. Not in her deepest heart. It's the illness.

Is there a community mental health center nearby? She should be able to get help on a sliding scale and/or qualify for state aid. I know you feel helpless but PLEASE, PLEASE try very hard to not take on any guilt or blame yourself. Yes, she does need people but her emotional state won't let her deal with them. She's not doing it on purpose.

Wanting very badly to help a depressed person is one of the most helpless feelings a person can experience. Don't blame yourself and be easy on yourself. The best thing you can do is try to go about your life as best as you can, take good care of your daily needs and nutrition, and kind of keep an eye on her to make sure she stays safe.

You can always take her to an ER if she begins to talk about hurting herself. (Sometimes that can be part of iit, the talking about it.) I would strongly suggest that you try to seek out community services that are available to her even though she had no insurance. There are plenty out there. Good luck.